From the author: And another fragment of the book “How to save a family or when is it better to get a divorce.” The full version can be found in online stores. Enjoy reading! )Let's talk about the dangers associated with, to put it mildly, irrational spending of the family budget. I know of cases when a family was destroyed due to the fact that one of the spouses (usually the wife) suffered from shopaholism or oniomania. The roots of oniomania (from the other Greek ὤνιος - for sale and μανία - madness) go back to childhood. Remember on what occasions you usually received some gifts? Typically, this was a reward, encouragement for good behavior, or a consolation bonus to calm an upset child. Also, a gift could be a symbol of the upcoming holiday. Thus, a connection has formed in our unconscious: a new thing - good behavior - consolation - a holiday. This contributed to the production of endorphin, the hormone of happiness and serotonin, the hormone of joy, which reinforce positive attitudes and expectations. Having become an adult, a person also needs joy and happiness, unconsciously wants to feel “good”, and ultimately finds a material indicator of his “goodness” - receiving new things. It’s good if you have a caring and attentive spouse who replaces the giver, takes over from his parents the role of a good wizard. But more often than not, there are no good wizards in our environment, and parents have long ceased to play the role of evaluator-stimulators. You have to encourage yourself, giving yourself pleasure, which for some is akin to sexual pleasure, and also supporting your own self-esteem. After all, the opportunity to buy satisfies both sensual needs and the need for recognition, for status - since I buy, it means I have something to pay for. I'm not one of the last, but I'm very good! And, of course, long hours of regular shopping fill the loneliness and emptiness in one’s immediate environment. This gives a feeling of being in demand and, as it were, communicating with others, for example, with equally obsessed like-minded friends, or better yet, “like-shoppers.” Why do women more often become shopaholics? Because it’s so customary: the man gives gifts, and the woman gives him for it thanks warmly and tenderly. In addition, a man has other criteria and ways to confirm his importance. How? Patronage, protection of a woman. And accordingly, his fate is to bring prey, give, and accept the woman with gratitude. Therefore, dependence on shopping, on independently acquiring things, is more common among women. Moreover, women who do not receive gifts from men. From the same category are flowers that a woman buys for herself, explaining to herself that “she just loves it when it’s beautiful.” By the way, from the same series, excessive shopping that is ruinous for the family budget is an irrational revenge on the husband for inattention. The passion for acquisition is also a manifestation of the need for security. After all, things are a kind of and often unconscious reserve for a rainy day. You never know what will happen in life, but you have already taken care of the future. What problems does this cause? Usually the desire to buy becomes uncontrollable and regular. You lose the ability to stop until the money runs out, and if you have the opportunity to borrow, you get into debt. And then you feel guilty and angry at yourself, or even worse, you become depressed. See if this desire to buy is related to your dissatisfaction in your personal life or at work, and whether it is a way to have fun or take your mind off problems. Analyze how your addiction affects your health, budget and relationships with loved ones. First of all, create a system , the so-called early warning of an attack of oniomania. If the described signs are inherent to you, and you cannot cope with it on your own, realize that this is already a serious addiction and you urgently need to start working to get rid of it. Create a system of emotional switches and substitutes that can “intercept”/