All my life I’ve been striving somewhere, flying somewhere, doing a lot of rash things. I feel like I'm going there. Or maybe not there? I consider life a success, a life credo created, life established. However..... There were always many men around me who belonged to the category of “not what we need.” I entered into a relationship with them, I have three children. I even lived for quite a long time with one of them. I am not a woman of easy virtue and all relationships were serious. It’s just that the men were not on the same level as me, they were lower than me in personal rank, they did not meet my life requirements. And then it hit me like a bullet.......And this had to happen........I met him , my first and, as I now understand, the only love that matches me in all my parameters and life principles. He also seems to have feelings for me, preserved in some way unknown to me... The reason for the separation is my marriage. I married someone else. Not for love. Just. It seemed to me then that he loved. Now I know that he was attracted by my appearance and my dad’s big shoulder straps. He had the opportunity to fit comfortably into his new environment and begin to live better. But I didn’t know this..... And I got married despite the fact that he, the one who was waiting for me, was very far from me. After my marriage, he got married and before meeting me he thought that everything was “in full swing.” He is not going to get a divorce. However, my thoughts are flying. I think a lot. I'm even comfortable with the idea of ​​short meetings with him. I don't want to destroy his family, but I want him to date me too. It makes absolutely no difference to me in what capacity I will meet with him. I want to give him what I didn't give him many years ago. Then I didn’t come to him, but now I’m going to drop everything and come. From the city, I’m going to move to a distant village and run the household there, light the stove, carry water. It seems like I’m doing what I need to do. But it's kind of worrying. Am I going there? Or maybe not there? Or maybe into emptiness? There are advantages of the trip for me too - I work remotely, where I’m going there is great nature and I will have time to take care of myself and lose weight. But the main reason is to be close to him. I lived my life without love. I was loved or it just seemed to me that I was loved. I didn't love anyone but him. I was interested in getting involved, but I didn’t like it. And I think. Is it necessary? I didn’t go many years ago and now I regret it. Now in what case will I regret it? If I go or if I stay? I need to work out all the pros and cons. They exist in both cases. The downside is the deprivation of comfort. Comfort..... It does not always play a primary role. And so I think and reflect. To jump or not to jump? Or maybe he can stand for a while. How does he react to my move? He did not react unequivocally to my decision, noting that I needed to act thoughtfully, that moving would threaten me with the loss of a comfortable state. I promised to come and visit after I moved if I invited.......I am faced with the question - to jump or to stay. After all, I would like to jump softer and more comfortable. Let's fly???