How to build personal boundaries in relationships. 👫I grew up in a family similar to many others in the sense that we did not have a culture of boundaries. My parents often violated my boundaries, without asking how I felt and what I wanted, they imposed rules and regulations on how it was right and how it should be, that I needed to be a good, obedient girl, to please, it was impossible to be angry with mom and dad, they scolded me for this, shamed me, it was difficult to defend my opinion and defend myself. As a result, I, like many, grew up not even knowing how to relate to boundaries, much less know how to set them.🤷‍♀ We can all agree that when our personal boundaries are violated, we feel fear, sadness, pain, anger, helplessness, these are such warning signs, a certain limit, that our boundary is crossed and our needs are not being met.☹😬 Most people neglect their own boundaries, try to please another, out of fear that others will stop loving and accepting them if they draw the line. As a result, they live someone else's life. What if we learn to set boundaries?⛔ If you want to live your own life and not someone else’s, you want to feel safe, confident, you need to learn how to set boundaries.👍 Here’s what difficulties there are in setting boundaries, the reasons and how to set them, we figured out at the training🔥What is a boundary? I define it as the limit that you designate, letting others understand what exactly you agree or disagree to do, endure. Boundaries are directly related to your needs and desires. HOW TO UNDERSTAND THAT IT'S TIME TO SET BOUNDARIES 🆘 💥You often feel like a victim. 💥People around you choose a lot for you, and you allow them. 💥You prefer to remain silent when someone offends or deceives you. 💥You often get offended by others because they don’t take your needs into account. 💥It seems to you a sign of virtue to neglect your own needs for the sake of others, and when trying to express your desires, you feel selfish. 💥Are you sure that setting boundaries is simply pointless for some people around you? 💥You have never been able to set clear boundaries, you are afraid of conflict. If any of the above evokes an emotional response in you, you probably believe one of the following myths about boundaries: 🔺If you love a person, there can be no boundaries 🔺If I set boundaries, then I am selfish. 🔺If I set boundaries, they will hate me. 🔺I will be able to live the way I want without setting boundaries 🔺 I won’t be able to set a boundary because I don’t know how to do it without provoking a conflict. 🔺 If I take care of my needs all the time, other people will simply wither away without me. 🔺 If I set boundaries, I will stop being a generous giving person and no one will want to communicate with me. 🔺As soon as I set a boundary, I will never have to do this again. WHY SO MANY OF US CAN'T SET BOUNDARIES Codependency thrives in most families, and indeed in our culture in general.1. Parents often violate the boundaries of children; upbringing is based on submission; as a result, a person gets used to following other people’s desires and ignoring his own needs.2. As a result, we grow up with the feeling that it is we who are responsible for the happiness of our loved ones, for their feelings and moods, and disobedience is fraught with condemnation and rejection. We think that if someone is upset, it’s our fault, we did something wrong, that we need to fix it, adapt, make the other person comfortable, we begin to consider other people’s desires extremely important, and our own insignificant. We think the ability to take care of others is ignoring ourselves makes us “good people.” The prospect of conflict is especially frightening for those who suffered childhood abuse, parental anger, or family scandals. One of the main reasons why people ignore their need for boundaries is the belief that setting boundaries will cause conflict 💥 We are terribly afraid of angeringor upset others. We are afraid that we will be abandoned and we will be left alone.☝But the truth is that boundaries do not always lead to conflict, and the truth is that we are not responsible for the feelings and needs of other adults, we need to give them responsibility for our condition, ourselves deal with our unpleasant emotions like an adult. When we take responsibility for others, we treat them like little children who are unable to take care of themselves. If one of your loved ones is disappointed, there is nothing to worry about. Disagreements and differences are an integral part of our lives. CONSEQUENCES OF LACK OF BORDERS💥 When we consider it our duty to please people, our life turns into a lie. To live your whole life in lies and pretense, just to avoid temporary discomfort, is too much! Very soon this begins to affect your emotional and physical health! Anger can be successfully suppressed for years and even decades, but one day you will explode and shock yourself and those around you. You may get sick. Warehouses of toxic emotions within us are formed precisely because of the inability to set boundaries. 💕SO, TO START SETTING BOUNDARIES, YOU NEED: Get out of codependency, take responsibility for your life, admit that you are the biggest violator - after all, no one will violate your boundaries unless you allow it. You yourself must identify and draw your boundaries and communicate them to others. If the boundary is violated, you need to defend it, stop the situation in which your boundaries are not respected.☝ The responsibility always lies with you, not with your intrusive mother, annoying colleague or uncontrollable children - with you! ☝Most people do not want to take responsibility and remain in the role of a victim - this is your choice! After all, it’s more convenient, because from the position of the victim, someone else is always to blame, everyone sympathizes with you. But by refusing to take responsibility for our lives and boundaries, we “hand over our weapons” and give up the power and control that we actually have. By ignoring boundaries to maintain peace, you choose a life where other people's needs and desires rule. ☝We need to recognize another hard truth about boundaries: not only should we take responsibility for our lives and boundaries, even if we disappoint others, but we should not expect people to change in order to maintain the integrity of our borders. No one is obligated to protect and respect your boundaries. We cannot demand from others to change and become as we are comfortable. Those around you must decide for themselves whether they want to fulfill your demands or not; you, in turn, can decide whether to maintain a relationship with them. No one is responsible for meeting our needs except ourselves, but it is not our responsibility to satisfy other people's needs. SET BOUNDARIES 👍👫Set the necessary boundaries and start taking care of yourself, leaving others to take care of their well-being. Refusal to serve the needs of others does not mean that we refuse to love our loved ones. We learn to respect ourselves. As soon as I sense a boundary, I declare out loud that I don’t care if others stop liking me. You can compromise, negotiate, but you cannot give up important boundaries! Conflict is not always a bad thing. Conflict sheds light on our differences, and it is not necessary to come to a consensus in the end. Understand that if you disappoint someone, the world will not collapse! It's okay to upset people. And a mature adult knows how to deal with this. I'm not suggesting that you neglect politeness. The reality is that people will definitely violate boundaries even after you have set them. And you will have to draw this line many times. HOW TO SET A BOUNDARY 🙌🙅‍♀The words we say when we set a boundary are of great importance. A boundary is not a requirement: “You can’t talk to me like that!” and not an ultimatum “Either you stop talking to me like that, or I’m leaving!” Avoid accusations, righteous indignation, excuses and apologies./