Have you ever thought about how much alien things we carry in our heads and in our souls? Other people’s attitudes, thoughts, assessments and feelings? And how difficult it can be to separate what is ours from what we once took or were given to us by other people.⠀For example, a mother told her daughter from childhood: “Don’t trust other people, don’t open up, be careful,” broadcasting your traumatic experience. And already as an adult, the daughter continues to look at the world through the eyes of her mother, in which fear and pain are read. It is very difficult for such a girl to establish close relationships, especially with men, because intimacy implies openness, trust and vulnerability. And then here’s my mother’s instruction - “Don’t trust and don’t open up.” Or did the grandmother instill in her granddaughter “Be a good girl, don’t take anything from anyone, behave decently, otherwise what will people think!?” And with the role of “Good Girl”, she enters adulthood, experiencing a constant internal conflict between “I want” and “Should”, “The real me” and “The me that I show to other people”, my interests and needs and the interests and needs of other people .⠀It happens that as adults we evaluate ourselves and our lives by the criteria of a significant person. For example, a girl, meeting another man, first of all thinks: What will her close friend think about him? What will she think of me if I'm with him? And very often the decision is made not in your favor and not in favor of the man.⠀How can you free yourself from someone else’s?⠀ - First, try to track down who first told you these words? Who did you hear them from as a child? - Have you had a similar personal experience in your life? - Answer yourself the question - does this thought, attitude, feeling hinder or help you? - How will you live without this? And what will appear in return? - Are you ready to let it go? - There is a good constellation phrase when we responsibly decide to pass on to others what we once took from them: “Dear mom/dad/grandmother, etc., I give back to you with love and with gratitude, what I once took from you, I will no longer carry it.” - And if you have let go of something, then fill the vacated space with something new, useful, environmentally friendly and relevant to your real life.