Psychological childhood traumas. .In my practice, I notice, or even better, I track, a tendency when the eldest child or the only child in the family has more psychological trauma. What is this connected with? - you ask. My answer: the eldest child in the family is always a priori to blame for everything, even if he has nothing to do with what happened. Example: there are children in the room, one is older than the other younger, the youngest messed up, broke something, broke something, or the children just quarreled, did not share something, the parents come and who will get for what happened? Of course, the eldest, although in most cases he is right, but the parents do not understand, it is easier for them to scold the eldest, because he is the eldest, he should have watched the younger one. And thus, the elder develops a feeling of guilt, even for what he did not do, an increased sense of responsibility for the “weak” and younger, an increased sense of control over everything that happens around him, even if it does not concern him. In adult life, such children always experience an excessive feeling of guilt, at work, in personal relationships and relationships with others, at work they become perfectionists and workaholics, they always take on the work of others, they always expect praise, and if they become managers, they always do the work for subordinates. If they work in a team, they do everything themselves, as long as management doesn’t make a remark. They cannot defend their opinion, because they are accustomed to the fact that their opinion is not interesting or important to anyone. They cannot go on vacation quietly; sick leave would then cause them to lose control, and control is very important to them. The same thing happens with an only child, with the addition of the fear of not living up to other people’s hopes. Both of them have a violated sense of their boundaries, they don’t know where theirs are and where others are. .What to do about it? First, you need to understand why they behave this way. After all, their behavior is unconscious, they are just used to it since childhood. Awareness is 50% of recovery, and the remaining 50% is learning to live differently. And the second 50% can be very difficult to complete. People have realized and understood, but they are not ready to live differently. And this could be for two reasons. Firstly, this may be a secondary benefit. Secondly, it may be fear, because he does not know how to live differently, and everything that is unknown to us causes fear.. In the process of therapy, identifying and analyzing one’s psychological traumas goes wrong a lot of time, about 10 -15 consultations, and sometimes even less. But it takes a lot of time to learn to live in a new way, because in consultation everything seems to be clear, but in everyday life, I come across certain situations, you don’t know what to do and you slide back into trauma. Then at the next meeting with your psychologist you work through this situation. This happens every time until a new habit is developed - to act this way and not otherwise, to act as you feel comfortable, without violating your own and other people’s boundaries. Without causing yourself pain and suffering. .Also, in the psychological trauma of childhood there may be a resource, something that motivates you to move on and improve the quality of your life..Today I wrote about the mildest of psychological childhood traumas. And there are also more complex and severe injuries, those that are hidden so deeply in our memory and getting them out can be very, very painful and embarrassing. Those that you don’t want to not only talk about with someone, but even remember about them. And only absolute trust in a psychologist can help you share these events of your childhood and youth.. Still have questions? Ask, I will answer!