From the author: The modern pace of life, tasks and priorities, especially after 35-40 years, sometimes push into the background such small joys as sex. Simple recommendations on how to include forgotten ones in us pleasant sexual experiences. The modern pace of life, tasks and priorities, especially after 35-40 years, sometimes push into the background such small joys as sex. Ordinary people with children, work, daily routines, responsibilities, hobbies, discover after a month or two that something is missing, the game has gone somewhere, and communication with a partner has become functional. There is nothing wrong with this, and it seems, both partners want to return to each other, play and make love, but... it doesn’t work out. Either thoughts, or deeds, or sleep disrupt the mood. What should we do? We do not now take on situations where the traumatized part of sexuality emerges in us. Here we are talking more about the healthy part, which really wants play and the joy of physical communication. Here I share what we talk about at seminars, in individual works and from personal experience. Recognize that you are valuable to each other, look around, and, ask yourself a question - how do I feel, what is my routine, do I feel safe now, what would help me relax now and devote time to sexual intercourse.2. Reconsider priorities and time. Much has already been written about nannying for children and time for yourself. But there are even more modern “time wasters”) Social networks, search engines and TV series are what we sometimes communicate with more often than with a loved one, and we don’t have enough energy and strength for sexual communication. The Internet is already the same inseparable part of life as work, communication and routine, it just can be moved, distributed or turned off for a while. And let the whole world wait) 3. Sex is physicality, after all. How to switch from the brain to the body is the question. Someone is switched by a soft relaxing massage, baths. Dancing very often helps to get involved in the process. And yes, there’s still a struggle) It’s not without reason that passionate sex happens after quarrels, where internal aggressiveness sometimes develops into a focus on possessing a partner. It doesn't have to be a real fight with a winner and a loser. A playful brawl, a fuss, especially on the ground, includes something ancient, instinctive, when we begin to act with our bodies. It can also be a lot of fun4. Seduction and Flirting This part doesn't have to involve dressing up and playing games (although it wouldn't hurt). Rather, I’m talking now about the state of play, hints, obscenity, poetry, reading erotic literature. We ourselves create a space around us that would be filled with desire. Glances and glances, touches, fantasies - everything that provides food for our crazy imagination. 5. Take care of yourself Maybe the times when the hormone went off scale and “smoke poured out from under your skirt” are gone. It’s not like it was 20 years ago, when you can make love for several days in a row. But, there is direction, intimacy, desire, knowledge of preferences and fantasies. Making love can be a completely different experience. We know better than ourselves, what we like, what we are capable of. And it’s good that if something hurts or our feet are cold, take care of it, put a cushion on it or put on socks. It's not shameful - it's self-care. Then we will be better able to relax and surrender to the process.6. Humor Not ridicule and sarcasm, but humor, including when you can laugh at yourself. Not everything turns out perfect, like in pictures, like in movies, like 20 years ago. But now we are here, in this space and time, with this person. Humor helps to cope with imperfection and sometimes with powerlessness. But, there will be something very human in this... If you are interested in learning more about this, we run a community on FB Sexuality Research FB_LINK And in Contact https://vk.com/club93058416 And we also work with the topic of sexuality in individual counseling and seminars. Elina NovgorodtsevaContacts: E -mail: [email protected]Sign up for personal): +7-916-346-55-24