From the author: There are certain stereotypes regarding relationships and how a man should behave in them. And often they become erroneous beliefs or so-called illusions. Very often we, women, remain in our own or generally accepted illusions of love. As a rule, it only seems to us that this is our own opinion or belief, and we don’t even notice how the opinion of other people, significant and important to us, becomes ours, and even more so, we cease to understand where ours ends and someone else’s begins .There are certain stereotypes regarding relationships and how a man should behave in them. And often they become erroneous beliefs or so-called illusions. Illusions arise long before acquaintance, and then smoothly flow into family life, often becoming a stumbling block in love. So what illusions about relationships does a modern woman live in? Illusions of love1. With the arrival of a man, my life will change, and I will become happy. He will definitely solve all my problems. Many women, being alone and experiencing any problems, make one single bet in their lives - they hope to meet a man. And it is with his arrival that they associate miraculous transformations in their lives. Just as we all wait for the New Year and hope for a miracle, a woman has high hopes for the appearance of a man. When thinking about a partner, we first of all list his qualities based on our needs and think about what we would wanted to receive from him. But we almost never evaluate our own resources, and what we ourselves can and are ready to give to our partner. For example, when starting to build a house, we first calculate our material capabilities: we weigh the pros and cons, decide what contribution we can make to the construction right away, and later, we are thinking about how we will build and finish the house. And we don’t expect someone to come and give us this house. Of course, we would really like to, but with our minds we understand that here we should rely only on ourselves. So why in love do we constantly try to shift responsibility onto a man’s shoulders? Because he is strong? May be. But he is not your husband yet. A man does not come to a woman to solve her problems. He comes to receive love and the feeling that he is the best. By getting this or hoping to get it, a man can solve any woman's problems. But not if a woman is initially looking for a man for a similar purpose. Men immediately feel the catch. And there is not a single man who wants a woman with problems. After all, a man is inherently lazy. And only feelings can stir it up. And for them to arise, you need something else besides difficulties. Put things in order in your life and solve your problems, and then wish to meet your one and only. 2. Love will withstand everything. Often at the very beginning of a relationship, we treat love very casually, naively believing that it will withstand everything. And we believe that, no matter what happens, if love is real, it will endure any adversity, which means separation from a man will never happen. Indeed, love can withstand a lot, but only strong love. And it doesn’t become one right away - it needs to be grown like a seed. And what will grow from this seed, and whether your love will blossom into a lush tree bearing fruit, or will wither from the lack of proper and necessary care - only you, together with your half, are responsible for this. A disrespectful and impatient attitude towards each other is poison for the soil , in which you are trying to plant the seed of your love. Think about it, before setting sail, the crew and the ship are carefully prepared. A plane does not take off without passing inspection. Likewise, you never go on a long trip by car without inspecting and preparing it... So why are we used to treating relationships and love at random, giving it mystical properties and believing that she will endure everything. When choosing a partner, we are initially guided by feelings, andonly then do we turn on our minds and logic, when it becomes completely late. During the courtship period, you need to look at your partner under a microscope. But in life together, you have to turn a blind eye to a lot. Most women do exactly the opposite. During the period of falling in love, they do not want to see the obvious. But after a few months of the relationship, they begin to notice details that were not included in their ideas about family life. Therefore, a woman’s first priority is to see what her man will be like in a few years, to discern the potential in him and to feel how their life together will turn out in 5 years. 10-15 years. Having seen and felt the potential, you need to be very careful about the relationship from the very beginning. After all, love at its beginning is like a fragile flower that has yet to grow and become stronger. Take care of each other from the very first minute! 3. The better I am, the more he will love me. How children's stereotypes prevent us from being happy in relationships. Every child wants to be the best for his mother, and therefore tries in everything. And, indeed, the mother’s praise and the satisfied expression on her face reinforce in the child’s mind the idea that one needs to try and please. Does this work with men? Unfortunately no. A man simply becomes comfortable with such a woman, but his feelings have nothing to do with love. A woman tends to care about others more than those around her care about her. After all, female energy by its nature is aimed at giving, care, order, assistance and emotional support. And if one of the women, feeling a lack of attention from others, is offended deep in her soul or periodically expresses her complaints, then some even does not understand why fatigue, malaise and illness occur. The reason for fatigue is only that a woman always gives more than she receives. Therefore, a woman must feel the balance and find the line in which these two components of a single process - giving and receiving - will be balanced. Being loved and being good are not the same thing. Realize that you are driven by childhood stereotypes, and do not give your man maternal qualities. 4. There is no need to ask a man for anything, otherwise he will think that I am mercantile. Men who are unable to give something to a woman very often accuse her of being prudential and materialistic. Of course, such conclusions are not unfounded, because women are different. But if a man meets just such a woman on his way, then this is most likely his lesson - to become more generous in soul and heart. Women, in turn, listening to the reasoning of men, are afraid of seeming calculating and being left alone, and therefore secretly impose a taboo to various kinds of requests, they are embarrassed to turn to a man for help, they do not want to bother him and create inconvenience for him. And the roots of this habit arise precisely in childhood. When a girl is brought up in modesty, her ability to receive gradually atrophies, which in turn deprives her of feminine weakness . And then it’s quite understandable why men see us as strong women who don’t need anything. 5. He must conquer me. Call first and show attention and care. The biggest illusion of love is thinking that a man must conquer a woman. Many of us dream of a strong and courageous gentleman who, without fear, will rush to win the heart of a beauty. But are our expectations true? Women in relationships behave differently: some immediately begin to show activity towards a man, while others, fearing and condemning such behavior in their hearts, take exactly the opposite position - play the role of the Snow Queen and believes that the same Prince should appear who will break the evil spell and melt the icy heart of the Princess. If from the very beginning you really do not show much interest in a man, but only allow him to look after you, giving hope, then, of course, you awaken in the hunter's instinct is silent. But even here you need to be careful! Remember that some hunters, having killed game, do not even try to pick it up. Having bought into something beautifulcourtship, you will be disappointed when your prince gets tired of playing his role and soon turns into a simple uncouth lackey. Your beautiful romantic period will end, and if you were attracted and made to fall in love only by the appearance of the prince and everything that surrounded him, then it is not surprising that when you see a footman, you will be very disappointed. If you belong to that category of women who are immediately very interested in a man, know that it is unlikely that a man will conquer you. After all, he simply doesn’t need it. Also, conquerors are often unable to love for a long time and constantly. And you must understand that the beauty of courtship can turn out to be the other side. But a man who does not know how to look after beautifully and brightly often turns out to be a much more reliable husband and a good father for your children. Therefore, choosing only men who take the initiative in relationships, you risk missing out his happiness. A strong and brave man is just another female illusion. After all, in essence, a man in love is as timid as you are, and sometimes even more. And love for him is the area where he does not feel safe. And he has much more fears than a woman. And only a wise woman can help a man overcome them. 6. As soon as I open up and trust, he will immediately lose interest in me. You need to be the Snow Queen. I often hear stories that as soon as a woman begins to become attached to a man, he loses all interest in her. But is this really so? Imagine: you were told that in some lake there are large, scary fish that can bite you. And now you are standing on the shore of a lake, the amazing water of which seduces you with its purity and freshness. The summer weather is warm, and you feel an unbearable desire to swim. You remember the scary fish, but still decide to take a swim. Very carefully you enter the water, look around, and, having calmed down, begin to swim, when suddenly a small fry touches your body and... you, in a semi-fainting state, begin to fight back. Was there a reason for such fear? Yes and no. It’s not the little ones that are the cause of fear, but previously received information. I think the main reason is that you are afraid of love and relationships. In your unconscious there is already a negative experience that as soon as you open up and begin to trust a man, he will lose interest in you. This belief was formed not as a result of unsuccessful novels, but a very long time ago in relationships with parents. And unsuccessful romances only confirm existing beliefs. They lead to the fact that either you really find such men, or your own behavior leads the relationship to a similar outcome. Starting to open up and trust, you find yourself in an unsafe zone for yourself and perceive everything too acutely, become too sensitive. The acuity of perception and expectations from a man give birth to your reality. You, like a naked wire, react to any touch. You mistake a flying fly for an elephant. You perceive any action or inaction on the part of a man in the light of your experiences. In fact, it is not surprising that, having felt your love, a man relaxes, and, quite possibly, stops behaving as before. Stops calling you as often and doesn't show much interest in your meetings. He increasingly remembers his friends and the time when he was not in a relationship. And this is NORMAL. It is quite possible that he was afraid of the beginning of a serious relationship. After all, it’s one thing to sing serenades, and another thing to take on responsibility and obligations. And these are not only fears. This is a completely adequate male reaction to intimacy. Do we need to understand the reason for this male behavior? I think not. You don’t get offended when night comes and you need to go to bed - you go to bed with pleasure and also get up with pleasure. Also in love there are periods of peace, silence, rest and a decrease in intensity. Sometimes the scale of manifestation of love drops to zero, sometimes it goes into minus. These are natural manifestations. And if it weren’t for your fears and your