From the author: For centuries, raising girls has been associated with a lot of taboos and prejudices. According to surveys, mothers of girls are much less likely than mothers of boys to engage in pedagogical experiments. Girls in the family and school are more likely than boys to be rigidly forced into certain roles. And a girl who refuses to follow the model of behavior proposed to her is subject to much harsher condemnation than a boy. How do we raise our daughters? Are we trying to support in them those sprouts of gentleness, compassion, coquetry that nature puts in every female creature? Or maybe we immediately rigidly determine the fate of our daughters: husband, children, kitchen? Questions, questions... So it turns out that raising a girl in our time is not an easy task. What should I aim it at: family or career? What to encourage and what traits to try to suppress? It’s one thing to instill from childhood that the main thing is activity and independence, and quite another thing to cultivate gentleness, compliance, and compassion. That is, qualities that make family life easier, but are incompatible with ideas about leadership. What kind of daughters are we raising? "Cinderella". In many families, the baby is “trained to help with housework” almost from infancy. Moreover, this is not a game, not learning self-service skills, but a serious, often unbearable load. Often, a five- to six-year-old child is tasked with cleaning the apartment and washing the dishes, not to mention younger brothers or sisters. The pedagogical effect of such “education” is practically zero. A dependent girl with a weak character will submit to the will of her parents and believe that her place is in the kitchen. The girl is strong and determined at the first opportunity to resist her parental dictatorship and begin to build her own independent life contrary to her parents’ “recipes.” Trying to prove her independence, she will be able to achieve a lot in life, but she will certainly never become a good housewife. Of course, it is necessary to accustom your child to household chores and worries. Just don’t turn helping around the house into your daughter’s main occupation. Let it be a fun game at first, perhaps even encouragement. And most importantly, let your baby understand that home is a place where everyone, including her, should feel good and comfortable. That homework is necessary to achieve this comfort. And then she herself will want to help you with this. "Little Princess". “The first child is the last doll,” says popular wisdom. And if this child is a girl, and a pretty one at that, and in a large, loving family, then you simply won’t be able to tear yourself away from this exciting game! A charming room and charming toys, delightful dresses and shoes. Even a poor family makes any sacrifice to provide their favorite with the best. What is the danger here? A girl in such a family is forced to play a role no less rigidly than in the family of little “Cinderella.” Mothers, especially those who were deprived of affection or beautiful things in childhood, strive to more than make up for this in their daughters. Moreover, often their ideas about a wonderful childhood are drawn not from real life, but from a fashion magazine or television series. The “princess” must play with dolls and wear elegant dresses (and not get them dirty!). The “princess” is supposed to practice ballroom dancing (no matter what happens with tears: if she endures it, she will fall in love). “Princesses” study with straight A's, don't run barefoot and don't climb trees... Should I continue? But often the “princess” turns out to have the soul of a little robber: she stains her dress and tights, sets up an Indian wigwam in the pink-lace nursery and brings “all sorts of rubbish” from the street. Not every mother is ready to give up her dream: after all, she knows best what is good for her daughter. As a result, the family turns into a battle arena where the growing daughter will fight for her right to be herself. Isn't it easier to be wise and give in from the very beginning? Perhaps your daughter will succeed more in a technical modeling club than in ballroom dancing? No needbe afraid that your daughter’s growing up will not go according to your scenario. After all, communicating with a girl in worn jeans can be much more interesting than with a prim young lady, whose individuality was suppressed by her mother’s ideas about a happy childhood. "My guy." It also happens that parents do not seem to notice that they are growing up a daughter and not a son. Without thinking about the difference between the sexes, the girl is raised in the same way as her brother. She plays the same games with him, wears his things, and hangs out on equal terms with his friends. Athletic, energetic parents do not want to cultivate “pretense” in a girl, making her a “muslin young lady.” From an early age, the baby goes hiking, douses herself with cold water, and runs barefoot in the snow. You won’t find dolls or pink lace here. Of course, there is nothing wrong with healthy parenting. And in such families, as a rule, children are given a lot of attention. But there is one big “But”. Girls, not being able to play role-playing games with dolls, subsequently experience problems in family life. After all, such games are a kind of training, during which not only practical skills of “adult life” are “worked out,” but also various types of family relationships. Often, a father who is attached to a girl categorically does not want to accept the sprouts of femininity awakening in her. He is indignant at her new “adult” hairstyle and “tasteless” cosmetics, he doesn’t like her friends... If these feelings are not suppressed in time, things can lead to drama: in order to get rid of her father’s dictatorship, the daughter will run away with the first person he meets who will accept her just the way she is. Or he will forever remain “my guy”, with whom it’s cool to go on a hike, but whom, alas, no one would even think of inviting on a romantic date. "Blue Stocking" “Study first, then fun,” “There’s no need to hang around with the boys, you need to study.” In the name of a good goal, the girl is taught that everything that distracts from her studies is harmful and dangerous. That the main value in life is knowledge. At the same time, it is absolutely not taken into account that for normal development a girl needs not only to acquire a certain set of knowledge, skills and abilities, but also to learn to be feminine and build relationships with the opposite sex. As a result, the girl firmly learns that the main thing in a person is not appearance, but the mind and soul, that only those who have nothing else to boast about dress fashionably. Fearing early marriage, the mother seeks to instill in her daughter a dislike for the opposite sex. Good rules take on ugly, cumbersome forms. A smart girl in a modest dress and with a strict hairstyle, under her mother’s watchful eye, brilliantly finishes school... then college... becomes a candidate of sciences... This is where it seemed like she could start a “serious relationship”, but there are no people in sight. Having not experienced adolescence in love, not being able to attract attention to herself, not knowing how to emphasize the advantages and hide the flaws of her appearance, and generally seeing enemies in men, such a young lady risks being left alone forever. The recipe for everyone is simple: love your daughter! Girls are less protected in this life than boys. How to raise a daughter so that she feels confident in life and is happy? How can I help her be self-sufficient? To do this, any girl needs to feel like a GIRL. Every woman, even a very young woman, needs confirmation that she is loved. She needs to hear as often as possible how loved she is by her family. Say kind words to your daughter not only when she has achieved success in something, but just like that. - I love you so much. - You are just a gift from fate! - You are my most amazing, most beautiful! - You decorate my life. Every girl (and woman too) wants to hear these words. These words are most valuable from the lips of the father, the most important man in the girl’s life. Years will pass, and your charming baby will turn into a lovely young woman. Perhaps she will become an actress or.