Why do we choose the same partners? Why do we step on the same rake? Why are we irritated by the same actions of people and even our own children? One of the reasons may be related to attachment trauma. No. There is no need to be afraid. 🤚 We and our children receive injuries of one degree or another. After all, you can scratch your hand, blow and forget, or you can get a serious fracture. It's the same with mental trauma. Some go unnoticed, while others remain for life. So how does this mechanism work? It turns out that everything depends on the ability to cope with stress. And with anyone, even the most insignificant. Imagine a small child who really wanted candy so much that he experiences micro-stress. In this case, he has two options for the development of the event. Or he receives candy and the stress changes to joy. Or he doesn't receive it. And here comes the important point. Stress does not go away. ☝️However, if a parent, grandmother, nanny (significant adult) accepts the child’s sadness and sadness, he copes with stress through experience, through understanding his feelings. This is also called containing negative feelings. “I understand that you want candy and I know that you are sad, but I can’t give it.” And when this process is repeated day after day, the child acquires the skill of self-containment. He begins to understand this mechanism. And he learns to cope with stress himself. For him, stress is not something terrible. He knows that he can be dealt with. Now imagine that an adult says the phrase “that he was nagging like a girl” or “oh, you’re whining again” or “I said you can’t have candy” Or “your ass will stick together.... "or does not respond to desires at all. Well, you understand. The child’s stress not only does not go away, but intensifies and, of course, he will not learn to contain it. Never I regret that I did not know this mechanism 12 years ago. I did something intuitively, but not as I would have liked. My parents didn't know either. But there is a good point. This can be learned at any age. First of all, remind yourself “you are safe” and allow yourself to be sad and grieve. In a word, take care of yourself. Difficult, unusual, strange. But it works. Most likely you are thinking - How are the questions at the beginning of the post and the explanation of the mechanism of stress related? Any guesses? Share. 👐I will also share in the following articles 📝