From the author: Published in the newspaper "Boomerang" 08/12/2011 Hello, my 8-year-old daughter bites her nails. What I tried to do - I talked to her, and cursed, smeared aloe juice on her fingers, covered her nails with special varnish - everything was useless. Please tell me what can be done in such a situation? Valentina, 29 years old. Valentina, hello. Most often, the reason that a child bites his nails is auto-aggression, i.e. aggression shifted towards oneself, and not towards the object at which the child is angry. This is usually due to the fact that it is not safe for the child to express aggression in the family. There are several explanations for this - firstly, the child loves his parents and it seems to him that his anger can cause them harm. Secondly, if it is not customary in the family to openly express their feelings. Thirdly, there is a myth “good girls/boys don’t get angry”, and the child begins to feel guilty if he gets angry, especially at his parents. You should discuss your daughter’s behavior with her in the most confidential tone possible. Talking about the fact that you can feel angry when you love and that you are angry with mom and dad is good and correct. That anger in Latin means moving forward and that your daughter will really need anger when she needs to achieve something - for example, get an A or learn to swim. That your child’s feelings are important to you, that you will try to listen and accept them. Be sure to talk through ways to express feelings of anger - sometimes it is enough for the child to say that he is angry and the symptom goes away. You should not devalue the child’s feelings - if they remain unspoken, then either a symptom is formed (in your case, undesirable behavior) or turns into psychosomatics (diseases caused by unresolved intrapersonal conflicts). Also, the reason that a child bites his nails may be unconscious anxiety, this feeling is poorly recognized by children, the most they can talk about is something wrong or about the tension they are experiencing. When working with anxiety, the first thing you should pay attention to is to differentiate this feeling, explain to the child that what he feels is called anxiety and usually occurs in a situation where the child is unsafe - for example, in a situation of conflict or when the child is not knows what to do. To create safety, if the child is small, it is enough to choose a toy that the child likes and, in the child’s opinion, will be able to protect him. Thus, the toy will become a substitute object for the parent. You can also ask the child to draw anxiety, ask what he thinks about her, what he feels, what is her name, what does she want from the child, how can you make friends with her, etc. You can also tell a fairy tale where the main character (heroine), similar to your child in age, gender, number of children and adults in the family, cope with anxiety. For older people, speaking and jointly searching for a solution is suitable: “For example, what you feel , is called anxiety and when you feel it, you can": - express it in words by saying “Mom, I’m worried because ..."; - turn to me for help; - draw, sculpt, cut out a feeling; - do something something else - for example, go play, etc. Sometimes the situation can be strengthened in a paradoxical way - when you see that a child is biting his nails, instead of the traditional words “well, as much as possible,” say: “Listen, it’s so tasty to bite your nails. I understand you so well. Let's chew them together." If you definitely won’t bite your nails with your child, it’s enough to say that you also bit your nails as a child and tell your story of getting rid of this habit. By the way, according to American studies, children of “rodents” in 90% of cases become “rodents” themselves, even if they have never seen their parents do this. So just remember yourself:)