From the author: Doubts and uncertainty are bad companions in life. They make you hustle in one place and then regret missed opportunities. When a client comes to me, his first words are: “I’ve never been to a psychologist. This is my first time. I don’t know where to start.” I usually say start where you want and don't worry. The main thing is to establish a trusting relationship. I start talking about some abstract topics, I see how the client calms down and then we smoothly approach his problem. And then he “breaks through”, he begins to talk about what is painful, what is happening in life, what is bad. It happened this time too. Usually, it takes about 40 minutes to promote the cause, whereas my consultation lasts an hour and a half. My opinion is that an hour is not enough to identify the cause of the problem and the work itself. Sometimes clients come up with a very long story and that's good. A person speaks out, thereby freeing himself from some of his internal tensions at the initial stage. It is usually easy for me to understand what the problem is and what the reason is behind it. In this case, the answers to all the questions were: “I don’t know,” “Rather yes than no,” “Rather no than yes.” The point was that the man (30 years old) was annoyed by his wife in all forms, with with my courtship, anxiety, with the desire to have children, with my love, in principle, the question from me was reasonable: “Do you want to break up with her?”, “I don’t know, most likely yes, but I haven’t decided yet.” This is why I came to you, I need confidence, I don’t have it. I need a person next to me who will give me confidence." The request was not entirely clear. Confidence in what? To divorce my wife or to be confident in myself, in my abilities. And again: “I don’t know.” “Okay, we’ll “instill” you have confidence." I give the client the technique - “Remember, when you were exactly sure of something, then you succeeded, you did what you wanted to get, “This didn’t happen,” he replies. Well, then, take a sheet of paper and write , what have you done in your adult life? Higher education. When you wanted to enter a fairly prestigious university, were you sure that you would succeed? “No,” “Well, you got in!” And you successfully completed it, which means you had some strength of confidence that you could do it." "Well, yes..." "You drive a car. When you were studying, knowing from yourself, were you sure that someday it would be easy and simple for you?” “No, I was very afraid.” “But, despite this, you have mastered driving!” "Mastered it." “You proposed to your wife, which means you were sure that she would not refuse you, and you received her consent.” “Well, yes.” “So, let’s remember all the stages in your life where you were sure that that you will succeed." This is the beginning of the technique, there are additional nuances. And here is the answer. "I don’t want to remember anything and stress, there’s too much, questions, memories. I need a person next to me who will instill confidence in me." I understood that the person himself does not want to do absolutely anything for himself, he believes that only someone, for him, can give him confidence, responsibility, desire, that - do something. Negative attitude towards life, rejection of people, uninteresting work, in order to “you have to live on something” and, most importantly, lack of desire to look into yourself. When I said that you need to start with yourself, figure out what you want from life in general, who you see next to you, because 6 years spent with your wife is not 6 months, he was offended because he believes that everything is right, he just needs to get confidence from someone Again, why torture a person if there is no love. When a man does not want children from a woman for 6 years, what can we even talk about, it is her choice to endure, wait for something and hope. He didn’t want to remember anything. Melkom said something about his parents’ guilt, that it was they who insisted that he get married, but he was such an obedient son. Not realizing that at 24 years old, a person himself has.