These are children who look for the reasons for their difficulties within themselves. These are children who consider themselves the source of all troubles. Parents who need to keep everything under tight control because of their anxiety often teach children not only how they should behave, but also what they should feel and think. Internalizing children tend to take such instructions to heart to the heart and may come to believe that their own unique inner experiences are wrong. Emotionally immature parents teach children to be ashamed of any manifestations that distinguish them from their parents. Thus, children may begin to perceive their uniqueness and their strengths as something strange and unworthy of love. In such families, internalizing children are often taught to be ashamed of normal manifestations of: – enthusiasm; – spontaneity; – sadness and grief due to pain, loss or change; – unrestrained displays of affection; – habits of saying what you think; – expressions of anger in response to injustice or insult. On the other hand, children are often taught that the following behaviors and feelings are acceptable or even desirable: – obedience and deference to authority; – a physical illness or injury that gives the parent more power and control; – uncertainty and doubts about one’s own worth; – the same preferences as the parent; – willingness to listen, especially if the parent needs to share experiences and complain; – stereotypical gender roles: as a rule, girls are expected to please everyone, and boys are expected to be tough. If you were an internalizing child and grew up next to an emotionally immature parent, you received many harmful instructions on how to build your life. Here are the main ones. – First think about what other people need from you. - Don't defend yourself. - Don't ask for help. - Don't want anything for yourself. Children who internalize emotionally immature parents learn that “being good” means being as humble as possible so that the parents can get their needs met first. Internalizers view their feelings and needs as unimportant at best and shameful at worst. However, once they realize how distorted this view of life is, things can quickly change.