From the author: Live your own life, or live to please your parents? Everyone makes this choice themselves. The main thing is that this choice is made consciously. I see a continuation of myself in you... So, “narcissistic extensions” - what/who is it? These are children who are a continuation of their parents. Not separate, autonomous, full-fledged people who have the opportunity to choose, but those who live according to a pre-drawn plan to please their parental ambitions. Such children are not an object of love, but a “project” of their parents. The more successful the project, the happier the parents are. Probably, to one degree or another, we are all such a “project”. And since there are many of us, it’s not so scary. Why are almost all of us, to one degree or another, “narcissistic extensions”? Because almost every parent wants to see their child successful, places hopes and expectations on him, and contributes to their fulfillment. Because every parent has an unfulfilled desire, striving for fulfillment, at least in the life of a child. Because most parents measure their own success by the achievements of their children. Because many parents perceive their children’s failures as their own failures. Parents often attribute their children’s achievements to their own account, but are much less likely to do the same with their children’s failures. Through children, parents can satisfy their narcissistic needs. In those not very simple times, when our parents were young, it was difficult to satisfy healthy narcissistic needs - there was not enough “entourage” - the rules of society were different, even the right to one’s own individuality was in question, not to mention success. Thus, the desire to compensation and the realization of personal ambitions was redirected to children. Parents were envious of more successful and bright people, so now they strive to make their children such. Perhaps they had achievements in sports or music, but they did not become great athletes or musicians (preserving the idea that they could have become if not for pregnancy, college, work...) Therefore, their children now attend sports sections , dancing, teachers - all at the same time and in turn. Parents invest effort and resources so that their children can become successful and famous. For the sake of reflection - how many parents strive, but how many children will succeed, and what will happen to the rest when they cannot meet expectations? How will they feel if they fail to take leadership positions, or if they succeed, but put their lives on it? Children never live up to everyone's expectations, and they shouldn't, so you shouldn't expect anything from them, you should love them and let them feel it. So, narcissistic expansion is when we are not who we would like to be (if we managed to want it before they began to remake us), but who they wanted us to be. As adults, such people have difficulties with self-determination, “normalizing” themselves, rarely feel a sense of satisfaction with their successes, rarely consider successes their own, often say that they “don’t live their own lives,” strictly evaluate themselves and those around them. A ban on their own feelings, confusion in desires and priorities, ignoring, suppressing one’s true needs, apathy and depression - this is an incomplete “price list”, the price for fulfilling parental dreams. Looking into the faces, perhaps, under the mask of a manager with a tense face, there is a guitarist of a rock band with multi-colored hair. What if? this boy with a hockey stick wanted to grow flowers and become a landscape designer? Tatyana Smirnova, clinical psychologist, Moscow..8(925) 772-17-89