We all know this phrase - if you didn't have a bike as a child, even if you have a Bentley now, then you still didn't have a bike! Not so long ago I clearly saw and felt what kind of mechanism it was. And I even understood how to deal with it. And again I want to remember about the cycle of contact)) So, once upon a time our desire - strong, desired - could not come true, the gestalt was not closed, did not go into experience and hung like a dead weight It would be nice to imagine this picture - we have valuable luggage, something that helps us on our way along the road of life. This is our experience, our feelings, energy, how we were able to live our events, how we found solutions to problems, closed gestalts as gained and appropriated experience, it can be used in the future. And baggage that we cannot use, unclosed gestalts, unresolved problems, poorly functioning defenses, dysfunctional mechanisms for solving problems, resolving conflicts. Or the same methods that once worked, but now don’t. Let’s get back to the bike. It’s as if there are 2 points of view – forget about then and live now! Buy a cooler bike and be happy! And second - long and thoroughly blame your parents, family, ancestors, the history of the family and the country for not providing you with the satisfaction of all your needs in childhood! You can’t change anything, they are to blame and ruined your life forever - that sounds familiar, doesn’t it? ) and somehow none of these ways work. A new bike does not make me happy, and blaming everything and everyone does not contribute to the appearance of a new one. The Gestalt approach helps me well. It seems to me that this is the best way to safely solve this dilemma. (Since we do not give or teach advice, I am sharing my experience and thoughts on this matter). So, from the point of view of my knowledge, an unfinished gestalt draws energy, requires completion, demands to go about this situation differently, live it safely and still gain experience and the opportunity to move on. But to live the same situation in the same way as then is impossible, alas... You are not the same, the time is not the same, the bike is not the same, the world is not the same - well, it just won’t work. With or without a therapist, you can “buy your own bikes,” but you won’t get satisfaction. And then all that remains is to give up and understand that there was no bicycle then and there never will be. And get angry and grieve about it.. And come to terms with it - it didn’t exist then and never will, there were such parents, there was such a world - what to do now.. It didn’t happen and won’t happen, that’s my story and my destiny. And then the world changes a little, amazingly magically. You realize that you are somehow less interested in that bike, you feel a little sad and sad, and are surprised to notice a store window with beautiful new bicycle models. And even the desire to buy, and the opportunity, and even you buy, and - oh horror! – you like him! That’s it, you have lived through your experience of loss, and you have freed up energy to start a new cycle. It turns out that there are many opportunities and bicycles in the world. And you even need a Bentley, and just like a Bentley, and not like that bike for that boy. That’s it, we can end here. The conclusion is this: yes, you don’t need to live in the past, it doesn’t help to live in the now. But without working through past experience, without returning, without living, without closing these damn gestalts, it is impossible to live in the present. This is the only way - through work on yourself, through experience, psychotherapy will help on this path. I also don’t know how to complete my gestalts)) Thank you all.