According to the observations of experts, the number of sexual partners and contacts does not always equal sexual satisfaction. What does it depend on? What does long-term abstinence and negative sexual experiences lead to? Why is Russia afraid of homosexuality? Sexologist from Moscow Yulia CHEBAKOVA talks about this. Shall we whitewash the ceiling? - We focused on the process of arousal in women. What are its features? - Here you need to immediately dot all the i's - the leading role in the formation of a woman's sexual behavior is not played by sexual libido, that is, the desire for sexual intercourse, like a man. - What? - Erotic attraction, closely related with an assessment of the partner’s personal qualities. Therefore, female sexuality, compared to male sexuality, is more selective. In women, the choice of a sexual partner is more mediated by psychological factors. Their choice is individual. They have a more delicate structure, in general. - Is that why there are such problems with orgasm? - I note that women rarely come for consultations. Usually men bring their partners because it seems to them that they cannot satisfy the lady of their heart, and this gnaws at them. Here the problem is more likely with their male self-esteem than the woman’s problem with the fact that she does not have an orgasm. And all because a woman’s sexual satisfaction is much less related to orgasm, that’s the point. She can get satisfaction from intimacy itself. From tactile stimulation, from emotional contact with a loved one. It's not like that for men. For them, orgasm is most often an end in itself. And the discrepancy between the expectations of two often leads to an imbalance. - Does the woman suffer? - How to look at it. Men's attraction is much stronger than women's. Male sexuality has been and remains the subject of a kind of cult. And where there is a cult, there are myths and fears. Perhaps the most common sexual problem of a modern man is “performance anxiety,” generated by doubts about one’s “skill” and anxiety about possible failure during sexual intercourse (usually due to failure of an erection). being with an erection in bed is completely mediocre, I note. Emotionally, the joy from such sex is zero. - And here is a question about a man’s understanding of female nature. If the erogenous zones of a man are mainly localized in the genital area, then in women the extragenital zones are no less erogenous. They play a big role, and sometimes dominate over the genital ones in the process of increasing excitement and feelings of satisfaction. - But what about love, passion? When there is fire, there can be no problems, right? - Mutual attraction is, of course, very important. For a woman it is simply necessary! Remember the joke when a wife, during sexual intercourse, lying on her back, sadly thinks that it’s time to whitewash the ceiling? The thing is that emotional and physical intimacy are inseparable for a woman. I can not? Don't want! - Sexual dysfunctions are, I believe, an inexhaustible topic... - Sexual disorders, or dysfunctions, are caused by organic disorders or diseases. These are disorders of the main manifestations of sexuality (sexual desire, sexual arousal, orgasm) and sexual pain disorders (dyspareunia). These are so-called psychogenic sexual disorders, but, if we talk about sexuality in a broader sense, we can also include gender identity disorder here . First of all, this is the problem of transsexualism - the desire and feeling of oneself in a different anatomical sex. - We will definitely return to sexual identification, can we first talk about dysfunctions in more detail?.. - The absence or loss of sexual desire, a reduced need for sex is more common in women. Let us also recall the Belov phenomenon, when women may simply have no sexual desire. An aversion to sexual intercourse or a lack of pleasure from it. This is when the thought of having sex is disgusting. Again, it is more characteristic of women. It is often a consequence of violence or negative sexual experiences. May alsobe caused by the fact that a woman does not experience pleasure from sex. - Is physiology or the psyche to blame? - In this case, the psyche. A woman can even experience an orgasm, but she will not experience the main thing - psychological pleasure, which, as I have already said, is extremely important for a woman. Women also experience orgasmic dysfunction - these are actually problems with experiencing an orgasm. For men, this is exactly the case when there is ejaculation, but there is no pleasure. Although this dysfunction is still characteristic of the weaker sex. A man needs time - What can we say about the problems of the stronger sex? - A specific male pathology is premature ejaculation. Lack of genital response, or, more simply, an unstable erection that passes very quickly, which requires constant stimulation and makes it difficult to have normal sexual intercourse. Women in this context have a problem with lubrication, I note. - I read that problems with erection are familiar to sailors. Why? - When a man has abstained for a very long time, then returning and restoring the rhythm of sexual life can be difficult and not instantaneous. This takes some time. Let's say sailors returning from a voyage often experience this problem. At first, they experience so-called temporary psychogenic impotence, and the wife may think that her husband cheated on her during the voyage. Although in fact, a man just needs time to adapt to the sexual regime. - Is nymphomania also a sexual disorder? - Yes, increased libido, sexual thirst is a disorder. Only here you need to understand that we are not talking about indiscriminate contacts, as many people think. This intense need for sex can be absolutely within the bounds of fidelity. - Why does such hypersexuality arise? - The so-called nymphomania can arise in an affective state when attraction is disinhibited. This worries all Russians! - Gender identity disorder is now at almost every turn. Sign of the times? - First of all, I’ll explain what I’m talking about. Sexual preference disorder is something that concerns the choice of a sexual object. This also includes psychological behavioral disorders associated with the sexual development of gender orientation. Well, let me note that I will speak directly about Russia. - All my attention... - You see, the problem of identity always rests on the pathology of the individual. Now there is an identity crisis in our country, a lot is being said about this at different levels. We simply live in conditions of instability, and in this regard, parents, of course, are very afraid for their children. - Are you talking about homosexuality? - If we talk about Russia, then homophobia in our society is very, very strong. In American culture and some Western countries where same-sex marriage is allowed, the very attitude towards this reality is changing. What was initially a culture shock gradually became normal. Homosexuality used to be clearly perceived as a disease, but now it is interpreted rather as a cultural pathology. For us, this issue remains a sore point. Homosexuality worries everyone! If we take countries where it has already become a cultural norm, we will see that the child has the right to choose his sexual model freely. He simply has samples and different models of relationships. - Yes, Russia is like walking to the moon before this... - Remember history. In the Soviet Union it was a shock that there was sex at all. It was not customary to talk about it then. Now everything has changed dramatically, sexual availability and freedom reign, the ability to talk about it, discuss it has become the norm. However, our culture of relationships invariably carries a negative attitude towards homosexuality, so a small percentage of people turn to a sexologist for help. Idealize each other - What is your attitude towards same-sex marriage? - Normal. I try to take a professional, non-judgmental position here. It is a stereotype for me to condemn this. If the couple is comfortable and they realize all their spiritual, human and social.