From the author: 4. A woman is a victim. “Don’t take the inability to protect yourself as a willingness to sacrifice yourself.” Grigory Landau When a woman’s victim component is high, she begins to unconsciously destroy herself. Mental and (or) physical injuries received sometime in childhood do not allow us to see the world as a whole. She sees some small part of it, the rest is blocked and inaccessible. She lived and grew up in a family where there was emotional (or even physical) violence, where any of her disobedience, misconduct or mistake was regarded, for example, as: “Blubber”, “ You are bad”, “Shameless”, “Laziness”, “Ugly”, etc., where egocentrism and aggression, accusation and maximalism ruled. The list of cliches can be endless, but the main thing that unites it is the presence of rejection towards the child, which is expressed through anger, irritation, and sometimes hatred... Such a girl learns very early that the world does not love her, does not accept her, she feels superfluous, disturbing her loved ones, useless to anyone (even if mom and dad reject her!) and comes to terms with her role as a victim, which deprives her of faith in herself and brings her to the margins of life... If you figuratively imagine the existence of such a child, then a fantasy arises when a person nobody needs sits in a small and dark closet, in which there is one small and smoky window through which he sees a small part of the world. It’s scary to leave the closet, and it’s sad to sit in it... In such families, where there is violence, aggression and other ways of interaction and being that destroy the personality, the girl early masters the behavior of the victim, and then follows this scenario all her life, unless she herself decides to change. A person is designed in such a way that the stereotypes of behavior, response, emotional involvement learned in childhood (regardless of whether they are useful or useless to us) lie deep in the psyche and act automatically (subconsciously and unconsciously), liberating place for mastering other programs. When a woman becomes an adult, she lives by the principle “Another is better (smarter, more beautiful, luckier) than me.” She, as a rule, has low self-esteem and usually the same roles in society: - such women can carry the whole team on yourself; - put relatives on your neck; - renounce your dream for the sake of your alcoholic husband; - be an eternal nanny for your children (even adults); - since they are on the sidelines, they are assigned the role of a mistress and used; - they are dependent and codependent; - they are not fulfilled professionally and personally. Also, such women are united by the similarity of feelings: - a depressed state (sadness, resentment, sadness); - many feelings (anger, aggression, rage, hatred, rage, irritation) that they do not show fear, but unconsciously direct it towards themselves (auto-aggression); - Guilt. This is their basic feeling, since since childhood, close people have instilled in the girl a feeling of guilt in order to skillfully manipulate and achieve their goals with the help of it; - many fears; - a feeling of abandonment, abandonment; - Helplessness. This is also strongly manifested - the search for authority or idealization. Her life is gray and dull, a feeling of guilt pushes her to do more and better for someone, completely forgetting about herself. In this way, expecting to receive the approval of a significant other, a woman tries, at least temporarily, to feel more or less “good.” Since she does not know another life, she knows only “bad and very bad,” then in her choices the victim woman relies on that the same countdown: - there are men who are alcoholics, and there are those who get drunk only on weekends; - there are cheaters, and there are those who do not advertise it, cheat quietly and unnoticed; - there are systematic beaters, and there are those who can hit a couple times; - it’s better to be a mistress than completely alone; Such a woman usually does not allow the idea that in her life there can be a completely sober man, faithful and devoted, in control and aware of his feelings and that she can be the only one for him. Feelings of guilt, uselessness and learned;