From the author: There are some articles that I didn’t even think of writing, but clients point me to them with their stories. Here, for example, is what to do if physical violence occurs in the family. Reading time - 2 minutes Let's take the most common case: a husband beats his wife. So: 1. If a woman wants to independently deal with violence in her couple (without involving relatives, police, psychologists), then I do not have clear advice for her. Seriously: people, their capabilities and life situations can vary significantly. Whatever a person can do to solve this problem, let him do it. Someone gets divorced, someone stays “for the sake of the children,” someone fights with their husband—there are a lot of options. But I would recommend looking for outside help. 2. If you come to a psychologist/psychotherapist, then decide: are we working on a divorce or on overcoming domestic violence? If it’s a breakup, then an individual format is also suitable. If it’s to save the family, then only in a family setting, that is, come together. 3. If both are at the reception, then my first requirement is temporary separation of the partners. This is done for physical safety, to reduce emotional stress, as a punishment and warning. Who will live and where is not important, be it in a tent, in a car, or with friends. 4. Next, during the conversation with the aggressor, we try to clarify whether this could be a manifestation of a psychiatric, neurological or drug addiction disorder. If there is the slightest suspicion, consultation (and if necessary, treatment) with a specialized specialist is required. 5. I also conduct an educational conversation with the injured party, what we do in case of repeated violence: contact the police, emergency room, social services, court. Otherwise, some people don’t understand how you can apply for a “darling,” but they know how to endure beatings from him. 6. As for therapy itself, there is something to do. First of all, we study the family system, because “victim” and “aggressor” are the same roles, everyone has their own contribution to this situation. It is important to study the personality traits of partners and take a closer look at codependency. And of course, work on anger management and prevention of such situations. In conclusion: whether or not to break up with a partner after an act of violence is a personal matter for everyone. And it is important to remember: there are enough examples where families overcame this problem. But there are also cases where women paid for their own indecision with their lives and health. Timofeev Alexander, family psychotherapist, @psynotes_spb