What questions would be good to ask yourself most often? behave in one of three possible ways: a) like an emotional Child; b) like an angry or caring Parent; c) like a thinking Adult. When an adult behaves like a Child. In this state, we are characterized by such things as intuition and the resulting from it - the ability to be creative, a feeling of love, the ability to trust, joy, interest, but at the same time the whole bouquet of negative emotions and feelings: anger, guilt, shame, resentment, grief, sadness, fear, anxiety and so on. But in this state there is no ability to reason sensibly (that is, think) at all. All strong emotions plunge us into a childish state. “The Russian revolt is senseless and merciless,” which A.S. Pushkin mentions in “The Captain’s Daughter” - this description is essentially the best metaphor for a “rebellious child”: no brains, no common sense - only anger. Euphoria (for example, from success) is also a “child” state in which the ability to reason sensibly is completely absent. The main task of a Child is to be loved. And when the Child is included in us, we begin to strive to be loved, sometimes through completely unthinkable and unpromising means, often also causing us serious losses. When an adult behaves like a Parent. Most often, this is an unconscious automatic reproduction of the behavior patterns of our parents or others parental figures from our childhood. In this state, we remember all the prejudices, moral rules, patterns, standards, with which in this same state we automatically compare ourselves and everyone around us and make assessments of ourselves and others (positive or negative). When we deviate from this learned standard of behavior of anyone we observe, we experience anger, turning into a “criticizing parent.” But this same state is also characteristic of parental models of behavior in caring for their offspring - models of behavior of a “caring parent.” Many social parasites who suck the juices out of us, using us to their advantage, actively play on our parental instincts, turning us into a “caring parent” and thereby turning us into either Mama Choli (from the Mexican TV series “Simply Maria”) or whether in Mother Teresa, we begin to “deliver”, “save” someone, doing someone else’s work, which these social parasites could well do themselves, but do not want, since it is more profitable for them to force us to do this “free of charge, that is, for nothing” "The meaning of "Parent" is to protect established values and care. Only from this I-state are orders given and demands and instructions given. Most often, it is this “I-state” that implements the function of “saving” and “protecting” others. When an adult behaves like an Adult. This is what they call the person who is guided by common sense - that is, reason. This is the only state that makes a person “homo sapiens”, since it was the ability to think that separated man from living nature. I do not intend here to describe in detail each of the I-states: for this there are books by Berne, Harris, Goulding, Steiner, Litvak , Makarov and many others. The only reason why what was written above was written was to explain the meaning of those control questions that it would be nice for everyone to ask every day, several times during the day. These questions are: 1. How am I behaving now (at the moment)? As a critical or caring Parent? As a capricious or enthusiastic Child? As a thinking Adult?2. How does my communication partner behave now? Like a critical/caring Parent? Like a capricious or enthusiastic Child? Like a thinking Adult? It is naive to expect a Child or Parent to be able to think and delve into the situation. In these I-states there is no mind - they have no capacity for common sense. So discussions with?»