People like stories from life more than theoretical articles. And today I will give postulates from life that either I or my clients have tested on themselves! So, you have met and are communicating with a young man (dating site, social network, etc.) and The first markers that should immediately alert you: A man talks about his “girlfriends.” Olga’s story. (Hereinafter - consent has been received, the name has been changed). We met a man. Seemed normal in the photo. A little brutal, it even turned out that there were mutual friends. And what was my amazement when the man began to tell me that with all his wives (and there were three of them) he maintained not just friendly, but intimate relationships! By using a rude vulgar word that he still periodically “pushes” them, he thereby showed not only his level of development, but also the lack of basic respect for women and for himself. Psychologist’s comment: I come across a similar phenomenon quite often. And frankly, it bothers me. I consider such intimate communication with former betrayals to be due to moral instability, weakness of will, and low personal potential. It is necessary to work through this aspect of life with a psychologist, however, as a rule, such men assert themselves through countless sexual relationships and devalue all women, as well as the work of psychologists and all other helping professions. A man devalues ​​a woman’s professional activity. Nina’s story. Nina is a psychologist, communicates with a man , whom I met through a mutual friend. From the very first days, the man began to devalue work. Frankly, brazenly, unceremoniously. “We haven’t even had sex yet, but he immediately began to demonstrate his dominance. In every remark, the desire to devalue, suppress and dominate is obsessively felt.” For example, “I will not tolerate some woman ten years younger than me (in our country this is exactly the difference) taught me to live, looking at my diplomas in the office. Psychologist’s commentary The reluctance to accept the personality and professionalism of another person speaks of an acute sense of one’s own inferiority. Hiding behind the template “eggs don’t teach a hen,” a man asserts himself through the devaluation of a woman. Unfortunately, many men are jealous of women's success. The man allows a lot of obscene language. Showing his brutality, wanting to appear as a kind of “man,” the man switches to profanity. If this happens at the first stage of dating, then it is possible that the man is testing you. In any case, if you like obscene “lyrics”, then this is your right. I am against such communication. Although not a prude. But I understand that either this is evidence of a poor vocabulary, or a desire, again, to assert oneself. However, both of them often quite coexist. Such different options for male abusive self-affirmation! Personally, I realized that in order to check a man who shows signs of attention to you, you need to tell him about your .... loans! The man immediately loses the desire to communicate. Although no, sometimes at the finish line of a failed relationship he can teach you about life with the air of a guru. They say, “loans are evil!”, “stupid!” etc. The main thing is that this works in most cases. If a man suddenly becomes filled with the desire to help you and turns on a rescuer, then this will need to be discussed in an individual online consultation. Because this behavior is an exception to the rule. Sign up for an online consultation via WhatsApp/Viber/Telegram message 89272823878