From the author: This article does not claim scientific objectivity, I just want to share personal observations and generalizations that I gleaned from my practice. I am an experienced psychotherapist. I work mainly with adults, but I only solve children’s problems, because as practice shows, all our adult problems arise before the age of 3, and most of them even before one year. And the most interesting thing is that in a certain state an adult can remember himself even at such an early age, but that’s not what we’re talking about now. Having spent quite a long time understanding the problems of such adult “children,” I realized several interesting points that will be very useful for everyone to know parents. Listen to moms and dads - if you want to help your children become normal and healthy people - then from a very early age, talk to them as if they understand you. Because they really understand you, and they understand you literally and believe everything you say. Therefore, tell them how much you love them, how wonderful they are, and what an amazing life awaits them ahead. You should never swear in their presence, the children will think that it is their fault. You should not complain to them about how hard it is for you - they will think that it is their fault and will be even more capricious. If you want your children to be calm, let them feel that you feel very good that you have them, and that children bring you only happiness and joy. Because otherwise the feeling of guilt will make them alcoholics, and the feeling that it would be easier for mom if they weren’t there will make them sick and unhappy people. Any careless phrase, such as “it would be better if we had an abortion,” said even as a joke, can cripple the life of a child. Even if the child does not yet know what an abortion is, he will remember the phrase, and its comprehension will come much later, and then, somewhere deep in the subconscious, this thought will destroy the human psyche many years later. Children don’t understand jokes, they take everything literally and believe absolutely everything you say. Never scare them with words that if you don’t eat the porridge, I’ll take you to the forest and leave you there - you’ll traumatize them. Instead, let them know that no matter what they do, you will always love them. That your love is unconditional and does not depend on anything. And then children will not have many problems and neuroses. We ourselves provoke children's neuroses when we tell them - if you don't eat porridge, mom will be upset and feel bad, or I love you only when you behave well - yes, a hundred different examples. Children should know that they are loved and that everyone around them is happy that they are - then they will grow up happy and healthy. It doesn’t matter whether you keep them strict or not, punish them or not, beat them or not. Children can and should be punished, especially when they are older. Punish for behavior, but behavior must be separated from the person himself - “I love you, but you will be punished for your behavior, because these are the rules”, “That’s the way it is”, “That’s what dad said, he loves you too, but he wants so that you grow up to be a decent person and therefore you will be punished." When punishing, do not alienate the child from you. Punishment is expressed in depriving the child of something - walks, sweets, a computer - anything, but not your love. There should be no resentment in the punishment - if you yourself are offended by your children, you have problems that you need to deal with yourself and as soon as possible - because being offended by children is not right and not normal. Children learn, and therefore they are obliged to make mistakes, they cannot and should not be perfect - they must try to do everything, and you, for your part, must simply let them know whether you approve of what they are doing or not. And if they continue to do something wrong - punishment will follow - all this is training. But there is no place for offense in the educational process. Think about this and you will avoid many problems. All the best to you and your children.