When we want to find a mate, sometimes we pay a lot of attention to the image of the partner, forgetting about who we actually are. And, surprisingly, life often develops in such a way that in the end you find exactly what you were looking for, that is, a person with the qualities that you identified as paramount. And who else but a narcissist knows how to adapt to the “standard” you need? ? So, in order to figure out who you really need, you should first turn to yourself. We will talk about women who have encountered a narcissist, maybe even more than once. And someone is already tired of them and wonders : Why do I have so many of them? Of course, in principle there are many of them now, but I know many people who have not even heard of such a term and the description of the personality of a narcissist also does not mean anything to them. Where is the answer? Of course, a narcissist can pay attention to anyone, hypothetically, but practically they unerringly reach the people they need, who have certain characteristics. Why know this? In order to realize that when you meet a new acquaintance, you need to be thrice vigilant and immediately “scan” a man for the presence of narcissism. So, there is a high probability that you will have an experience with a narcissist at least once in your life if you: 1. An extraordinary personality. A narcissist will never want to use a “gray mouse” or an undistinguished person, because he wants to “show off” at someone else’s expense, “appropriating” your achievements through gaslighting and devaluation. Those. you definitely have some unique resource that delights the narcissist (attractiveness, intelligence, upbringing, education, work, career, money, family, connections, popularity, etc.) 2. You want an “unusual man.” That is. you are one of those women who already have in their head a certain image of a man whom you could love and you will not agree to anything less. At the same time, you mentally compare everyone you meet with the “standard” and if the man does not match, the acquaintance does not continue. In this case, such a “standard” could exist in reality, i.e. maybe you really had or have a close man who is your “ideal” (father, grandfather, brother, ex, etc.) 3. You give preference to external rather than internal .Those. you like a man, for example, to be wealthy or to look after him beautifully, or to have an unusual profession, to be handsome, smart, talented, etc. And this list does not include such qualities as kindness, courage, responsibility, fidelity , responsiveness 4. A developed sense of empathy. This is when you are literally imbued with love and are ready to share it with everyone, someone else’s pain is not an empty phrase for you. You are kind-hearted and open, people are drawn to you, including narcissists. 5. Sacrifice. In contrast from an empathic person, you sometimes sacrifice yourself and your interests not out of sympathy for another, but in order to gain approval, “earn love.” Perhaps you lacked the attention and warmth of significant loved ones in childhood and you simply do not have a positive example of a good attitude, you it is difficult to express your feelings, and, accordingly, to understand other people’s. It is difficult for you to refuse another person, the feeling of guilt is highly developed. 6. Ignorance of yourself. It is difficult for you to understand your true needs, to express your feelings, both positive (disposition, sympathy) and negative (offense, annoyance, disappointment, disagreement). 7. Misunderstanding of the essence of a narcissist. Many women who have been in a relationship with a narcissist do not fully realize that the narcissist is not a completely healthy person, to put it mildly. That his entire personality is built on manipulation, and delve into into the structure of his Ego is like looking for a “black cat in a dark room.” If you look, you won’t get out. 8. The presence of narcissistic traits. If you are an ordinary person and everything is fine with your emotional intelligence, but you are prone to posing, perhaps your activity or hobby is related to art, a narcissist will definitely find you. After all, it is he who can first give you so much attention and thus “elevate” you "that your head is already clouded. 9. Complexes. If you have a strong complex about something or a childhood trauma, as a result.