From the author: Other articles on partnerships - read here How to stop choosing the same men? Once upon a time you were in the third grade. You had wonderful braids and even more wonderful bows. Your diary is littered with high fives. You are the smartest girl in the class. You write dictations in Russian only with an A plus. You have the largest collection of dolls. In a word, you are good. The only thing that poisons your existence is your desk neighbor - Dimka. Irresponsible (he always forgets his notebook or textbook at home), uneducated (doesn’t even know what an “installation” is), rude (you never hear a single pleasant word from him), lazy (always doesn’t do his homework). In addition, he runs and screams during recess, fights with boys, does not always obey his mother, and is completely unable to appreciate what a treasure is sitting next to him at the same desk. However, no matter where you look, it’s all the same. You tried to sit with Vitka, he turned out to be a coward and a sneak, then you moved to Sashka - he is a poor student and a bully, now Dimka has disappointed you. Now, if Seryozhka from the 10th grade had turned out to be your desk neighbor, it would have been a completely different matter. Seryozha is smart, brave, and handsome, he already has his own moped. Sitting at a desk with him is much more interesting. He would immediately notice how diligently you write numbers in your math notebooks, how deftly you solve problems, how well you know the multiplication tables, what braids you have and (most importantly) what bows you have. But... for some reason Seryozhka is not in a hurry to sit with you at the desk. Meeting you in the school corridor, he joyfully shouts: “Hello, excellent student!” and turns to his classmates to share another sparkling joke. You are sad, but decide that the situation will be corrected by other bows, or even better, a new briefcase. Then you grew up. But nothing has changed - your desk neighbor (or life partner) still doesn’t suit you. You tried to change them - everything is the same. And you, once again, choose some mythical Seryozha, in the hope that he will come and change your life. Earring is still very different from your current partner. And you still can't do anything. Neither a new haircut, nor breast enlargement, nor excellent success at work, nor reading smart books and increased education help. Why? You need to grow up to “new” men (unlike the “old ones”). Grow internally. It is impossible to become interesting to a tenth grader if you are still in the third grade (I am considering the option of normal mental development). You have completely different planes of existence (I’m not afraid of this word))), different values ​​and interests, different philosophies and concepts. As we grow up, we cease to need a man as a support for our own self-esteem, as a confirmation of our own worth. We stop looking at ourselves in a man; by this time we already have a sufficient understanding of ourselves and we ourselves are able to evaluate ourselves and our actions. We begin to notice a person: where we coincide and where we differ (and this enriches us, not frightens us), what suits us in communicating with him, and what stresses us (and we talk about it without fear of losing him). Inner growth starts with getting to know yourself. Your capabilities and your limitations (without self-flagellation and self-deprecation), your achievements and your shortcomings (however, you don’t have to get acquainted with them, I’m sure you know them best)))). You need to answer the question yourself: “What am I? Who am I?". It doesn’t hurt to learn to speak and think kindly and well about yourself, to look at your mistakes and mistakes with respect and love, and to perceive them as part of your experience. It would be nice to become a “good” mother for yourself - loving, accepting, caring, approving, following needs, not obligations. It would be nice to meet such a mother in the person of a psychologist who will help you grow up. This is not the fastest and not the most noticeable. But... over time, you will be surprised to notice that Dimka and Kolka no longer irritate you, the halo of “Seryozhka”.