Hoovering (from the English hoover - “vacuum cleaner”) - when a person is pulled in, sucked back into the relationship like a vacuum cleaner. Key approaches to influence during hoovering: very persistent behavior, obsession, pushing through one’s desires, stereotypes. That is, it turns out that they want the person back, but they don’t ask the person’s opinion. This is often a typical technique used by abusive partners, in particular, narcissists and psychopaths behave this way. The sincere desire of a former partner to make peace should not be confused with hoovering. renew relations. In this case, a person hears the other side, tries to find an individual approach, negotiates compromise options, and is ready to wait. And when hoovering, the red thread is: “I need you to come back faster, preferably right now. They don't ask you what you want. I need this.” What is the insidiousness and danger of this technique? - A person takes such pressure for true love and gives a chance to someone who has already caused a lot of pain. The goal of Hoover is to pull the person back into the relationship and leave everything as it was. There is no awareness or desire to change one’s behavior in any way - Hoovering is an illusion of strong love, behind which lies the abuser’s banal desire to regain his former comfort at the cost of his partner’s well-being. Typical signs of hoovering 1) Obsessiveness, excessive persistence Pressure that crosses the line of adequacy. 2) Selfish behavior Ignoring feedback from a partner. Even if he/she is not ready to communicate, then Hoover sticks to his line 3) All means are good The desire to return the person at any cost. Hoover promises everything at once, alternates different techniques. Just to hear “yes” 4) The goal is to return, not to work together on a relationship. Hoover’s fervor and sweet speeches are enough exactly until the moment the victim is again in the cage. 5) Insincerity There is no sincere repentance and recognition of one’s mistakes. There is only a goal - to return the person in order to use it as a resource or to take revenge for something old.6) The partner, his/her motives and personality traits are not taken into account. Hoover does not take into account the personality characteristics of the partner, does not try to find an individual approach. Uses template phrases and tricks. Popular moves in grooming, through which a person is created with the illusion of love and happiness, quickly drawing him into a relationship: - Repent and ask for forgiveness for everything - A bright period of courtship with an abundance of romance - The partner is promised the fulfillment of all his/her desires - Promising a heavenly shared future - Involving third parties, organizing collective pressure - Attempts to blackmail and threaten with exposure, communication with children or that the Hoover will do something to himself - Requests for help, inventing situations “on the brink of life and death” - Swaying your partner on emotions through shocking pranks Do not confuse hoovering with sincere love and repentance. Don't make hasty decisions if much of your ex-partner's behavior bothers you. Remember that the goals of such behavior may not be the best. Vera Bokareva, psychologist, psychotherapist, sexologist, Doctor of Social Sciences. Sign up for a consultation: WhatsApp / Viber / Telegram: +7-963-231-37-12 / verabo .ru