From the author: The article was written by a client a few hours after she first attended a psychotherapy group. There is an expression that has bothered me for a very long time: “Put yourself in the other person’s shoes.” The phrase seems simple; at first glance, it contains only “hackneyed wisdom.” But still, it so happened that I had to literally experience the power and significance of this saying. This was my first experience of group meetings, so sincere and warm, so lively, where I met a psychologist and the guys - members of the group. Many of them were here not for the first time, some started coming recently. But to feel at this meeting for the first time and at home? Surprisingly, this is exactly what happened. At the meeting, a difficult life situation was considered: a man had not repaid a rather significant debt to a woman who was a member of the group for several years. This greatly worries a kind, sensitive, compassionate soul who does not know how to ask for what is due, especially when they so skillfully press on pity and ask to defer the debt. How to find a way out of this situation? I was asked to become that “insidious” debtor for the duration of the session. It was a little exciting: will it work? And anyway, what will happen? But the worries were in vain. They put their hands on my shoulder and said that now I am that same woman who does not repay my debt. I would like to describe these moments in a little more detail, because they were filled not only with emotional, but also with physical sensations. Overall, I felt that I was now completely “not me.” The thought flashed through that this looked like the work of a medium in some sense. First, physical sensations arose: weakness in the legs (later it turned out that the debtor woman had problems with her legs), internal trembling, heaviness in the heart, turning into a dull, aching pain. Vivid changes were also visible against the emotional background: a feeling that the support of life was being removed from under my feet (especially when “I” was asked to repay the debt in full, there was a feeling that they were depriving me of something vital). It was difficult to look into the eyes during a conversation (the gaze wandered around, then briefly met the one I was afraid of). This fear, this feeling of guilt, the desire to change the subject or rather “curtail” the conversation... I sat in a cowered, closed position (there was an irresistible desire to cross my legs and clench my fists). There was a feeling of unbearable discomfort, tension from the fact that the mood was the same: to postpone the repayment of the debt, persuade your interlocutor to do this, find weighty arguments. I looked at the woman who had been a member of the group for a few minutes with completely different eyes. She spoke to me openly, frankly, with unusual warmth. “I” felt that I did not deserve this, but at the same time, such a sincere attitude towards “me” gave hope for deferring the debt. “I” felt the uncertainty of the interlocutor, her position that was not clearly defined for herself, the lack of weighty arguments, but a gentle pressure on her conscience. But if the debtor’s voice of conscience was heard, it was much weaker than the voice of fear. The situation ended in “failure to repay the debt.” And the discussion began. The guys actively described what they saw as a result of observation in the behavior of the woman in the group (the one they were supposed to). The psychologist asked leading questions and talked about the need to carefully pay attention to the debtor’s words and feedback. It turned out that the problem comes from childhood, moreover, it is “given” from birth: the desire to constantly give, to thank, including for the opportunity to live. And this innate feeling of guilt pushed us to help everyone if possible and forgive debts. And this has already become a scenario, a habit that has become a burden to the woman herself. As a result, conclusions were drawn, but the main one is that you need to be able to not only give, give, but also receive. Sometimes debtors no longer consider the debt as a debt as such, but as their means of living. Therefore, weighty arguments are needed for this to even turn into a noble gift on their part. Not always aggressive.