I THINK ABOUT HIM EVERY NIGHT I feel depressed and empty. Question: For some time now I have completely lost the desire to communicate with the opposite sex, not with everyone (for example, friends - everything is fine with them), but I simply don’t relate to the rest. Some kind of emptiness. This is after I fell in love with a guy. They communicated with him very well, but he suddenly disappeared, then they communicated again. But again, he didn’t write to me for a long time, I was depressed, I was very worried. And he wrote that the main thing for him now is his studies, and he doesn’t want to communicate with anyone. I wrote the same thing, although I felt completely different. And now, 3 weeks have passed. But every night I think about him. It seems like it doesn’t matter, but then it breaks through all the feelings. What should I do? Answer: Good afternoon. Since this guy is not indifferent to you, you joined his state of mind. This is absolutely normal, it is called empathy. But, there is also “projective identification” - when a person behaves in a certain way in order to “immerse” HIS intolerable feelings in another. This is an unconscious process and results in a lot of confusion. Feelings sink in, but this doesn’t make it any easier for anyone. The young man is deeply depressed. And you feel his condition, and you think that it is yours. Perhaps his depression resonates with your other feelings, specific past experiences - for example, the experience of parting with a significant loved one. Write down on paper all your experiences and feelings that break through. Do this regularly, for 40 minutes. every day (it can be longer or less, as it turns out). This way you will begin to free yourself from experiences, make them obvious and understandable. The guy is mentally traumatized, and he plunges his pain into you by getting closer to you and cutting off the connection with you. He shows indifference to you because he is “empty” inside. He feels empty. He has nothing to give you. Now what to do: Imagine his pain and depression in your body in the form of clots of energy, maybe they are in your chest or in your head. What color and size is this energy? Everything that comes to you is correct. Stroke these feelings in your imagination, move the energy in them. And then imagine that in a thin trickle you are returning them to the image of this guy. These are his feelings, and he misses them. But for you they are a burden. Give them back to him. Do this exercise, share the result if you wish. And write if you have any questions. Ps: I will be sincerely glad to help you in individual consultations, learn to separate your feelings and states from those of others. If you are very sensitive to other people's states and experiences, this skill will give you a feeling of security and the ability to maintain your good state of mind when communicating with a variety of people. Appointment by mail [email protected] Sincerely, Irina Potemkina Analytical psychologist and EFT practitioner