From the author: An article about the features of counseling for married couples. Spouses in crisis experience serious difficulties because, as it seems to them, they have exhausted all possibilities for understanding each other. There are objective prerequisites for them to perceive their marriage as failed. But let's see why this happens? And is it possible to use a crisis not to break up, but, on the contrary, to strengthen and improve relationships? Looking ahead, I will say - yes, it is possible! So, what hinders and what helps good marital relationships? Ideal ideas, expectations and attitudes of spouses regarding family life. (Taken from my parents’ family, books, movies, communication with friends). For example, this idea: the husband is the breadwinner, and the wife takes care of the house and children. But the family faces various situations in the process of its development, and such a position can deprive the family of psychological balance. A wife needs her husband’s help with children and household chores, and in matters of upbringing, the father’s role is very important. These ideas are automatically projected onto the partner and, if he or she does not meet these requirements, conflicts naturally arise and mutual grievances accumulate. If such a couple seeks psychological help, then the way to help here is to question the ideal ideas of the spouses about marriage, to clarify their origin, invite the spouses to communicate openly, accepting each other’s characteristics and the story that the family is a single whole and only the ability to negotiate with each other is the only opportunity to solve problems that will arise in the development of their relationship. The difference in the temperaments of the spouses. For example, a wife is an impulsive person who does everything quickly and does not like to wait. The husband is reasonable, unhurried, and needs to think before doing anything. Often each of them expects their own behavior from the other, which again leads to misunderstandings. In this case, during the consultation, we invite the spouses to see what advantages the peculiarities of their characters give the family and talk about the importance of accepting the other as he is, since only in this way can we effectively act together. Communication through mutual reproaches and accusations. Such communication gives nothing but alienation of the spouses. We tell spouses about the opportunity to communicate with each other by expressing their feelings and talking about their internal situation. For example: “I feel lonely. I wish we could spend more time together.” Ideal ideas of a husband or wife about their role. For example, a wife may think that she should devote herself completely to her husband and not pay attention to her own needs. But over time, this position can lead her to neurosis. My task as a psychologist is to clarify for her the reasons for her behavior, help her understand it, and, therefore, change her life for the better. Differences in the understanding of love between spouses. After all, for some, love is words of support, participation, for others – touch, affection. Others enjoy time spent together. We talk with spouses about ways to express this feeling (words of support; touch; time spent together; gifts; help), find out what each person’s love language is (“How do you understand that I love you, I care about you?”) and, thus, we give them a new way to perceive each other and communicate. The myth that love automatically ensures understanding. “If you love me, you must feel, know what is happening to me now.” No one can feel or guess what is happening to us until we tell it ourselves. So we invite spouses to talk about their current state. To bring spouses’ positions closer together, you can also use: Active listening technique. For example, when a wife comes home from work in a bad mood and says: “I’m so sick of everyone!”, the husband may say: “You’re upset because +79859824240