From the author: The article was written for the site If your son or daughter in early adolescence (11-12 years old) receives a lot of comments and complaints about behavior at school, gets into conflicts with classmates, a lot plays around, fights, often behaves “provocatively”.... It is useful to know the following: The need to expand the circle of friends at this age is natural. The desire to be in frequent contact with peers is achieved by a teenager through such methods as: verbal aggressive behavior or contacts through physical aggression. The teenager protects himself from negative sensations and feelings with laughter, jokes and a disdainful attitude towards himself. Since the main thing for him is contact with a peer, “any method is fine.” On the internal level of a teenager’s personal development, the situation looks sadder, since negative experiences affect the perception of the environment as aggressive and also reduce self-esteem. It turns out that the only way to interact with others is aggression and devaluation of oneself. Pay attention to what and how you yourself say about your son (daughter) in his presence to other people (relatives, acquaintances, teachers) or to him (her) himself (- oh).If your speech contains phrases like: “You’re always fidgeting and getting angry! You can never sit silently...” “Again, you’re talking nonsense!”, then in this way you stick labels, convince the child that he ( she) is exactly like that: insecure, restless, stupid. Then the child, first unconsciously and then consciously, begins to build his behavior based on the role prescribed for him (you). Thus, you predict his future based on your assessment, and, communicating with the child, begin to drive him into the framework of your negative prognosis. It is useful and important here to shift your parental attention to situations when a teenager has done or is doing something appropriate, he managed to complete a task, or he behaved well all day at school, or he took care of his younger brother, or he is on a walk spent time with peers without fighting or calling names. It is these small achievements that should become moments of your great positive attention to him. It is by noticing these moments that you should praise him very much and, at the same time, clearly formulate what exactly you are praising for. For example, phrases could be something like this: “Today you managed to peacefully conduct recess at school. We are proud of you! You know how to relax and warm up, run around during recess and at the same time communicate and play with your classmates without fighting. You did it! Well done! We believe that you will be able to continue to behave just as well!” In terms of emotional intensity, your words should sound like a festive, joyful congratulation, sincere and honest.2. In situations where the teenager managed to behave successfully, and at the same time there are comments from the teacher, or you yourself found out some points and this worries you, then you can talk to him after you have praised him and given him the opportunity to respond to your praise. The child will most likely want to say something in response to your words of approval, so it is important to refrain from mixing praise and blame at the same time. After positive contact with the child is maintained or supported by you, you can continue to discuss possible ways of behavior with him. For example, tell him that “if he wants to play, then it is useful to tell this first to the one with whom he wants to play and ask the consent of the other.” You can discuss the rules of the game and agree that fighting or pushing is not allowed in the game. And if the rules are broken, then the game will end. Or if someone accidentally hits someone, they will ask to be forgiven for it, etc. Address your son (daughter) in your dialogues, discussions and negotiations, be interested in his opinion, observe his reaction, praise if you notice how he himself begins to come up with really appropriate or successful ways of interaction. Praise the child for the very fact of his consent to talk about such topics. But, remember, since the child, after all, +79146739107