HOW TO TELL A CHILD ABOUT THE DEATH OF AN ADULT FAMILY MEMBER Things to consider: Some children between five and seven years old do not fully understand the finality of death. They may have to be told repeatedly that someone they care about has died and will not come back. Children learn how to cope with grief from those who care about them. If adults steadfastly cope with the death of a loved one and do not show their sadness, then children learn that showing feelings and asking questions is unacceptable. And then they have to grieve somehow alone. Do not hide your feelings and experiences. Children will show emotions or withdraw into themselves. Loss of appetite may get into arguments, become touchy, irritable, withdrawn, etc. Be less conscientious in their lessons. Be isolated from previously enjoyable activities. Nightmares may appear. Some children will become overly worried about you and about their lives. Most young children are able to attend wakes and funerals. Feel free to decide whether to take them there or not.à If your child is going to attend a funeral, explain what they will see. "Dad will lie in the coffin. His hands will be folded on his chest. He may not look the same as you remember him, because when a person dies, his appearance changes somewhat. Everyone will want to stand in front of the coffin and say goodbye to dad. If If you want, you can do it too." Let your child know how much time you will be spending at the funeral. How to speak.à Be open and sensitiveà If children have questions, answer them honestly. Horrible details should be omitted. It is necessary to say, for example, that the grandmother was very sick and the illness was very serious. It is better to say that you are not going to die until you are very old. If a child asks what would happen to him if both Mom and Dad died, you can explain your plans for providing him with a guardian to care for him. At the same time, reassure him that you don’t think this will happen.à It’s better to say: “Mom understands that you are sad right now. She understands that you don’t want to eat. And I understand too. But I’m also sure that Mom waiting for the day when your sadness will subside and you will become more cheerful. And she knows that this takes time." You cannot say: “Grandfather is now on an amazing journey that every person goes on one day.” "Grandfather fell asleep forever." Children under eight or nine years of age think literally, not abstractly. Using other words instead of dead or dead can confuse your child. He may never want to travel, or be afraid to go to sleep. The Recovery Processà Children will be concerned about your safety, and perhaps their own.à The best way to forget is to remember. People are better able to detach themselves from loss when they have the freedom to remember and grieve the deceased. If you are surprised by your child's sadness, your expressions of SYMPATHY will help them understand. Funeral services, wakes, and funerals help to better understand the reality that a loved one has actually died. Memories. Look through photos and videosà There will be many moments of overwhelming sadness, especially in the first year. Holidays, birthdays and special family dates can add to this sadness. Mental recovery after the death of a loved one can take time. Children recover more quickly if their caregivers are supportive, meet their needs, know how to comfort and reassure them, and are always willing to listen. HOW TO TELL A CHILD ABOUT THE DEATH OF A BROTHER OR SISTER The death of a child is a tragedy for adults. Children who have experienced the death of a brother or sister are also shocked by the reality of this fact, as they begin to understand that even at their age they are not protected from death. After all, with his brother, who is now dead, they used to oftenplayed, slept in the same room and talked every day. Siblings share their secrets with each other and can rely on each other during the ups and downs of their lives. Therefore, when a child's sibling dies, the child feels lost, confused and afraid. And this happens at the same time that the parents themselves are grieving a terrible and irrevocable loss. Here are some considerations to keep in mind when talking to your child about the death of a sibling. Things to Consider When dealing with grief, children often go through the same stages as adults. First there is shock, then pain and anger, and finally acceptance of the fact. These stages may overlap each other and continue for many months or longer. Although, observing these children in everyday life, one can see that if now they are grieving, then in a minute they can already play ball. Parents tend to be overly protective of a child experiencing the death of a brother or sister. It is understandable that they may inadvertently teach a child that life is very fragile and that death can overtake him at any moment. Some children cope with the experience of family tragedy by taking on adult responsibilities - although sometimes they only imagine this in their minds . They may feel they have to ease the pain of their grieving parents, or they may strive to be the “perfect” child so as not to upset their parents further. And while learning to be compassionate and responsible is good, it's best for children not to grow up too early. A worried child may want to sleep with their parents for a while. Let him do it. How to say it.à “Do you want to sleep with mom and dad tonight?” It's probably not good for you to sleep alone at this time. You don't have to sleep with us every night, but for now it would be nice." (Also, it would be a good idea to move the baby's bed into the parents' room, as well as make some other changes at home that would help the child survive the first days after the death of his brother or sisters.)à “Let your brother’s toys remind you of him. Some days you will be able to play with these toys easily, others you will have a hard time. Both are normal."à Some children feel guilty that they sometimes laugh and are happy while their parents are still grieving. "The fact that you can laugh makes me and mom happy. A child should not grieve the same way parents grieve."à "You blame yourself for those moments when you and your sister didn't get along. But I remember that your sister still played with you. You were angry with her and she was angry with you because you loved each other."à In the first days and weeks after the death of a brother or sister, quieter children can be encouraged to talk. "Now let's talk a little about Tanya. What do you want to talk about? You can remember the moments that make you smile, you can talk about what makes you sad, or discuss questions you may have."à ." Be prepared to stop whatever you're doing and answer your child's questions. The grieving process can normally last from two months to two years. The grief of parents who have lost their children can last 4 - 5 years. Physical manifestations of the loss reaction - Emotional shock, even if it is an expected death. - Intestinal disorders: nausea, stomach pain, feelings of tension, constriction, flatulence. - Tension in the neck, spine, throat. - Increased sensitivity to noise. - Feeling of unreality. what is happening.- Lack of air, suffocation, desire to breathe frequently, accompanied by fear of suffocation (hyperventilation).- Muscle weakness, lack of energy, general weakness.- Dry mouth.- Headache, heart pain, increased blood pressure, tachycardia.- Violation sleep. - Appetite disturbance (refusal of food or overeating). - Other physical manifestations. Such symptoms can be observed for two to three weeks. Emotional manifestations of the reaction of loss - Sadness, tears - Motor reactions - Irritation, anger,.