Man is capable of making the path great, but it is the path that makes man great (Confucius) Is there something in life that ALL people strive for? I think there is. It is HAPPINESS...What is happiness? Everyone has their own answer to this question. The word “happiness” itself was invented by people, and its “meaning” depends only on what they mean by this concept. They use the same word to describe very different things. And if someone believes that happiness is in money, in its quantity (or in love, or in fame, or in peace, etc.), then so it will be. But words will always remain just words... In fact, the answer to this question lies beyond words. And if you want, you can right now throw away all the words that life has taught you and look inside yourself. There is nothing there except your feelings, which will easily allow you to understand: Are you happy? No? What do you do in order to be happy? Do you connect your internal feeling of happiness with external circumstances? When they give you something, you rejoice, when they deprive you of something, you get upset, angry... and look for who is to blame? Oh, there is a lot to turn around here! It is very easy to find those to blame for failures. Parents did not inherit “genius genes,” and those that were accidentally passed on were mercilessly “rolled out” by the school conveyor belt. Childhood was difficult, sweets were not given every day, but homework was given every day. In addition, the bad influence of those around him completely confused the fragile young soul and accustomed him to “bad things.” The profession does not bring satisfaction, the boss is a fool, under whom you will not make a career, they pay little, friends are envious, the partner is selfish, which ones to look for, etc. To top it all off, all this is happening in a country with an incorrect regime and an inadequate government, which has finally put an end to all the joys of life. And all that remains is to collect grievances (many have a very rich collection), drink and swear, drink and swear at those who have raised prices again. How can you be happy when all around you are idiots and bastards who have agreed to ruin your life? Half of the unhappy people look for and FIND the cause of their unhappiness in the outside world. In circumstances, parents, fate, state. But first of all - in the people around us. It seems to them that it is THESE people and THESE circumstances that make their life miserable. Sometimes, at the cost of incredible efforts, they manage to change their environment, but soon they attract into their lives people with different names, very similar to their predecessors. What can you do, such a fate ... Everything is predetermined... Everyone has their own road, their own path, theirs is heavy, cold, straight as an arrow, and narrow, like the hallway of a small apartment... If you believe in this, in your case, everything is so. If you don’t think about where you are going, you are thrown through life like an autumn leaf in the wind. You choose a profession because your parents or friends advised you to, get a job because it’s close to home, get married because the time has come, etc. The result is a life free... from happiness. And from choice. A person works day and night, but he himself does not know what he wants. He puts all his strength and health into the endless “rat race”. Hurry up, even sooner. There is no time to rest, no time to get sick, no time to live. He fusses, fusses, burns all his energy, and who needs all this is unknown. Some even decide that life is a terrible thing and there is nothing to catch here. Wherever you throw it, there is a wedge everywhere. And most importantly, nothing can be done. After all, a person cannot change his destiny. Let’s leave such people alone - it means that everything in their life is relatively calm, they are content with what they have... Or everything is bad, but they lack the courage to make a choice. Believing in the absence of choice is also a choice. In this case, a person assures himself that nothing depends on him personally, so all that remains is to sit quietly and humbly carry his cross to the grave. Other people believe that life can be changed. It’s just that they are looking outside for a way to “improve their life.” They live in anticipation of a miracle.Tomorrow everything will be completely different. Something will change in the life mechanism and the desert of their life will turn into a beautiful garden full of blooming roses. Not today. But soon, very soon. Well, not very soon, maybe from January 1 of the new year, but everything will definitely happen. The idea that if you want a garden, you need to grow it, somehow does not occur to them. They warm themselves with dreams that they can pull off some successful scam or win the lottery and get everything at once: money, fame , love and half a kingdom to boot. As a result, a person constantly runs around in search of the next stunning idea, or a big win from fate, and expects that right now he will instantly solve all his problems, which are becoming more and more every day. Many spend their lives searching for those who could would solve their problems or offer a simple ready-made way to solve them. A very convenient position of removing responsibility for everything that happens to you. For example, you can go to therapy (as a last resort), many people say it helped. And then the therapist hears: “You’re upsetting me, which means I have to do something myself?” It would be better if they entered into my situation, I am a delicate and vulnerable person, I don’t like being burdened with all sorts of problems. So what, these are my problems, well, you will solve them somehow. I’m paying you (or not paying, but spending time on meetings, etc.)… Sometimes such clients are even ready to take “extraordinary measures” to see the cause of their misfortunes not in the external world, but in the internal one. In this case, the person stops looking for those to blame in his environment, but transfers the feeling of guilt to himself. Such people substitute concepts - instead of taking responsibility, they take the blame. And they stop there. “I’m to blame, I’m ashamed, you’re strong and smart, help me, teach me how to live, tell me what’s best to do, etc.” Such clients don’t trust themselves, they’re used to being guided by the opinions of others, and very they are indignant when the therapist does not give them ready-made solutions to problems. They forget that “a bad teacher presents the truth, a good teacher teaches to find it” (Disterweg). The therapist’s task is to help the client realize that he knows himself better than others. - help to understand our needs (after all, many of us do not know and understand ourselves, do not know how to LISTEN and HEAR ourselves!) - help find the answer to the question of what stops the client from living the way he would like. - help to stop treat life as a problem, and start treating it as a task that has many solutions. - help find resources, support the process of change. As you can see, everywhere you only help, and not do it for him. And most importantly, help you understand, that we need to stop looking for those to blame. After all, by doing this, we refuse to recognize our own decisions, our own strength, and thereby we abandon our own lives. Yes, we inherited a lot, primarily from the same parents (both good and bad): appearance, life values, programs etc. But we ourselves manage this inheritance. And we can use it unconsciously, or we can study and choose what to change and what to leave and develop. What is important is not who we were, but who we became. F. Nietzsche As soon as you realize that you can rely on the familiar, or you can create your own, life acquires freedom, purpose, fulfillment, meaning. Although, of course, then you will have to bear responsibility, and responsibility is scary. There is no one to blame the mistakes on. But the achievements in case of success will be ours. Isn’t happiness in living by your own choice, realizing your potential, doing what you really want, what is dictated by your needs and desires, and not what is dictated by society and the people around you? Yes, not everything in life can be changed, but a lot can be changed. For example, as in this story: Once upon a time there lived two brothers. One brother was a successful man who achieved fame for his good deeds. The other brother was a murderer. Before the trial of the second brother, a group of journalists surrounded him, and one askedquestion: - How did it happen that you became a criminal? - I had a difficult childhood. My father drank and beat my mother and me. Who else could I become? At this time, several journalists surrounded the first brother, and one asked: “You are known for your achievements; How did it happen that you achieved all this?—I had a difficult childhood. My father drank and beat my mother and me. Who else could I become? Your personal attitude to current circumstances changes your reality. How can you determine what can be changed, and what is important to simply accept, and how to distinguish one from the other? In order to answer this difficult question, you must, first of all, understand what kind of life you live, understand your life program. Psychologists believe that at a very early age, literally from birth, parents convey to the child a set of “messages”, on the basis of which he draws certain conclusions about himself, other people and the world as a whole. The accumulated experience is summarized in a compressed image, which is not realized and acts as a filter through which information is passed. Moreover, of all the events that a person encounters, he chooses only those that confirm and justify his scenario, forgetting and crossing out everything else. “What we think determines what we believe. What we believe influences what we choose. What we choose determines what we have.” (Jim Rohn) As adults, we don’t remember the beginning of our script. But, we continue to live according to this program... Therapy is one of the ways to help a person look at his life from the outside. Then everyone decides for himself whether he needs to change something or not. You can continue to play the same role if you are completely satisfied with the script, or you can take on directorial functions - rearrange the mise-en-scène, or even stage a new play with a different plot and, most importantly, an ending... When we begin to see the intertwining of the narrative threads that form the basis our lives, then we gain the ability to manage them, change them, ennoble them and even rewrite them anew. M. Aftel Once you understood, realized your programs and attitudes and began your path to liberation, you began to change, and life began to change... Perhaps in order to have something that you have never had, you need to do something that you have never done? And first, understand what you are striving for? “When a person does not know which pier he is heading towards, no wind will be favorable for him” (Seneca) No one promises that it will be easy (or quick). Changing something in life is hard. Any changes destroy our usual, comfortable existence (and not only ours, but also those around us), and introduce tension into our lives. There are people who will never dare to change. They prefer to live life by inertia, not consciously. And the questions of their true destiny do not concern them, do not worry them and do not touch them at all... This is their right. The rest, looking for their path, will go on the road... In the east, the concept of “Path” was of utmost importance and, by choosing it, a person chose the method of implementation yourself in life, chose your destiny... Everyone has their own path, but everyone is able to choose it and walk along it in their own way... The choice of the Path is the main choice of a person... ... The choice of a warrior... A person in his own way Essentially a warrior, every day he wages a constant struggle for his life, for his destiny... Parable. Once upon a time, an old man revealed one vital truth to his grandson: “There is a struggle in every person, very similar to the struggle of two wolves.” One wolf represents evil: envy, jealousy, regret, selfishness, ambition, lies. Another wolf represents goodness: peace, love, hope, truth, kindness and loyalty. The grandson, touched to the depths of his soul by his grandfather’s words, thought for a moment, and then asked: “Which wolf wins in the end?” The old man smiled and answered: “That wolf always wins.” the one you feedWhat does it take to change your destiny?1. The belief that a person can, if desired, change a lot in his life.2. Knowing yourself, being aware of your needs and desires.3. The ability to set clear goals and the willingness to do something to achieve them.