If I could talk to Time, I would ask: “Why did you fly so fast when I was visiting my grandmother and kissing Lyoshka on a village bench?” He had brown hair that smelled like apricot blossoms. He clumsily pressed his lips to me, and I closed my eyes and didn’t want to see that it was already dark and I would get home for being late. “Why did you take so long when dad was having surgery? It seemed to me that you were frozen.” And the chair on which I sat next to my mother was too hard and cold. I remember these shabby green walls in the hospital corridor, since then I have hated green walls. - Why were you in such a hurry when you wanted to walk the Way of Santiago endlessly, and not 10 days? Ten incredible days that turned my mind upside down. Where I peered around with frantic greed, absorbed the breeze and tasted the smell of the Atlantic Ocean. And where I felt that same monastic happiness from unity with nature. - Why did you suddenly stop when my friend and I were waiting for her biopsy results? I was afraid to call her every hour and ask “Well, what’s there? Have you come?” to allow her to be distracted for at least a moment a couple of hours from what could turn her life and the lives of her small children upside down. My fear flooded my mind and I wanted to know quickly what we should do. I wanted to do something quickly, just not wait. But you froze then, like concrete in a broken concrete mixer, and you just had to wait. It was unbearable. When the negative result came, I flew to her by taxi in my brown velor pajamas. We drank wine in the kitchen and roared. We hugged, hugged her perplexed little ones and roared, already with happiness.... If I could talk to Time, then I think it would explain to me that it is uniform, we ourselves give it speed. And it would also say how much it hurts him, from the fact that sometimes people treat him so ruthlessly, ignore him and think that he is immortal. It would say how much he wants to give people. And how sorry he is for those who do not have time to take advantage of them to love and live. Truly, sincerely and with all dedication to love and live, understanding that time is not endless. Psychoanalyst/writer Yulia Melashchuk. #Notes of a writing psychoanalyst