Or the “risk group” of cheating husbands. Male adultery, like female adultery, is a complex phenomenon in which the objective and the subjective are closely intertwined. Moreover, both the first and second have equal importance. A high level of male sex hormones, expressed in conflict, readiness to compete, assertiveness and sociability, of course, is always the basis for those betrayals where the initiative comes from the man himself. However, a man may not be an alpha male at all, have a very average character and low sexual activity of his own, but if he has a high position and a decent income, then the women around him will certainly be interested in him and will try with all their might to bring him out of the family shell, regardless at the same time, neither with his children, nor with morality, nor - especially with his wife. Then a man who is quite decent in himself can become a cheater not only and not so much of his own free will, but rather thanks to the will of the women who have their eyes on him. Simply put: the tendency to cheat and leave the family is always a set of specific factors and circumstances, often without nothing to do with sexual connotations. A husband may have a wonderful intimate life with his wife, but she may have a bad character or shabby appearance, and his work colleague may have very rich parents, an alliance with whom can be very useful for career and financial growth. So you can try assess your man for risks to your family, I will tell you that having personally communicated with thousands of men who have thought about infidelity and divorce, tried to go through the divorce procedure, or have carried it out in practice, I was able to restore the typical process of a man’s decision-making on this matter. (This does not apply to men who are alcoholics, drug addicts and gambling addicts. Their decisions about cheating are usually inadequate and defy logic.) In practice, a man who is dissatisfied with his wife and is in search of another female alternative takes into account the following circumstances: 13 factors for a man to comprehend the upcoming divorce The degree of his dependence on his wife, her relatives and friends, as well as the nature of the relationship with them. If a man somehow depends on them for his income, career (his bosses are his wife’s relatives or their friends), or lives on their property, and the prospective new bride cannot boast of a large income, real estate and high social status, this may seriously stop the implementation of his intentions to leave his wife. Especially if he is on warm and friendly terms with them. If he is completely independent of anyone (or this dependence once took place, but has now ended), and his relations with relatives are formal in nature, the likelihood of divorce increases significantly. Especially if the alternative wife has her own real estate, property and at least an average income. The nature of the relationship with the wife. If, at the time of filing for divorce, family relations are generally not bad, the man will be more sad than if at that moment plates were thrown at him, his face was scratched, or his things were thrown from the balcony. Then he may never move from words to action. If relations in the family are already openly hostile, and the wife is a brawler and hysterical, the matter smells like a real divorce. The number of children in the marriage and their ages. It is clear that the more children there are in a marriage and the younger they are in age, the more remorse the man leaving the family experiences. Accordingly, the fewer children and they are older, the less a man worries and the more inclined he is to divorce. The attitude of children to the process of their parents’ divorce. If children clearly strive to preserve the marriage of their mother and father and actively ask them not to separate, this cannot leave anyone indifferent. If the children are silent or are openly happy about parting with their father (if the father drinks, hits the children and mother, screams, is a parasite, etc.), the man’s worries in connection with the parting are significantlyless. Own age. Understanding that the marital attractiveness of men remains very high up to the age of 50, men aged 23-40, going through the divorce procedure, look quite optimistically at their own future. Men over 40 will already think three times whether to get a divorce or not... Health status. It is clear that the stronger a man’s health, the more confident he is before entering a new family life. If a man has some kind of severe chronic illness or disability, the degree of his experience from the loss of his usual routine of life and environment can be quite great. Such a man will leave the family, then quickly return to it and never leave. If, of course, he is accepted back there. Having his own living space for further residence. Being in a state of preparation for divorce, a responsible man almost always understands that the apartment should remain with his wife and children (if the couple has children). Accordingly, if he has alternative housing - another apartment, a shared apartment that is being completed, a comfortable apartment for his parents, service housing, etc., a man is much more bold in leaving his family than if he were to leave home. , I had to hang around with friends, rent expensive housing, or even go to an apartment with another woman. Income level. A man whose career and income level are going up is always positive, so the divorce procedure frightens him much less than a man whose income is barely enough for an average or low subsistence level. Accordingly, a man with a high income feels less of the burden of alimony and is more often inclined to provide significant financial assistance to his children, even without appropriate court decisions. Therefore, he is ready to go to any lengths, including divorce. For clarity, let’s take a real life situation. Your husband has already left you for another lady. If your family does not have a second apartment or house where your husband can move from you, in practice this means that his costs increase noticeably. Coming to another woman’s house, spending a significant amount of time with her, starting to build a new family life, a man is forced to spend his financial resources on purchasing food, gifts, and solving everyday issues. At the same time, many men try to put a good face on a bad game, imitating the continuation of fulfilling their financial obligations to their family. Even if the man turned out to be exemplary and does not live with another woman, he moved to live in a rented apartment with his friends or relatives, his expenses are still the same increase. If your husband is not an oligarch, then after some time he will begin to feel financial hardships. Sanity and practical calculation will gradually begin to return to him. If his new woman is not an extremely rich person herself, and the husband has masculine pride and a strong reluctance to depend on a woman, sooner or later he will understand the obvious: Preserving even the most problematic family is always economically more profitable than divorce and starting a new life. It’s like in a war, where it is always the attacking side that suffers the greatest losses... Therefore, after living for a month or two outside the family, having partially used up his financial reserves, the man will gradually begin to come to his senses. The process of returning to sanity noticeably accelerates if the new woman turns out to be not very smart and immediately puts significant financial obligations on the formally still married man: she demands from him expensive gifts, payment of her loans, rental housing, purchase of trips abroad, jewelry, boots, fur coats , cars and everything a woman usually dreams of. Life practice shows: About 30% of men who leave their wives return to them, realizing their inability to resolve all the material issues that arise when creating a new family with another woman. Whether you need a husband who has returned to you for these reasons or not, it’s up to you to decide to yourself. I think that most likely it is needed. But this requires a separate discussion. Having experience of past divorces orbreakups. The situation here is very interesting. Men who have not yet gone through a divorce are more confident in themselves that they will survive everything without great suffering than those who have already gone through the divorce procedure once (and with the presence of children) and know first-hand what mental suffering is. , moral emptiness and insomnia. Those who have already gone through a divorce do not really want to go for a second divorce. But those men who nevertheless went through two divorces, most often are no longer afraid of anything, which in practice leads them to more and more marriages and divorces. The attitude of their own parents and (or) friends to this divorce. Especially taking into account the religious and national traditions accepted in a related group or sphere of communication. If the opinions of parents or friends are significant for a man, and they warmly treated and treat the wife he is leaving or will point out to him the inadmissibility of divorce based on religious, national and other other norms that are relevant for this man, the man may not decide to go against the opinion of the group your loved ones. If there is none of this in principle, it means that the gates to divorce are open for this man. Alas...The number of pleasant or unpleasant memories of the current marriage. If most of the time of existence of a given marriage between spouses is associated with mental, everyday, material and intimate comfort, then the experience of divorce will be noticeably greater. If the discomfort in a couple before divorce has been going on for many years, the joy of being freed from a problematic partner will outweigh the sadness of parting. The husband’s own intimate activity and the degree of his sexual comfort in the family. It has been noticed that intimately active and emotional people experience the threat of divorce and the divorce itself more emotionally, but also... more quickly. They quickly enter into new relationships, the freshness and novelty of which quickly brings them to a normal state. Intimately passive people experience things a little less vividly, but for a longer period. Because their state of loneliness can last for months and years. And their loyalty to their past partner has nothing to do with it: everything is determined by their innate temperament. The fundamental thing here is that if a man feels more sexually comfortable with his mistress, the likelihood of him leaving the family is higher. If, in general, he feels good in the family bedroom, despite the infidelity, the matter may never come to a divorce. Social, property, educational, career, age, external, everyday and personal advantages of a mistress. It is clear that the more there are, the easier a man can bear both divorce and the very thought of it. The fewer of them, the less chance of moving from words to actions. It is all these “fatal” thirteen factors that most often scroll through the head of a married man who has been maintaining a “left” love affair for a long time and has already had the imprudence to tell his girlfriend that theoretically they could be together and even have children... Based on the processing of precisely these data, an ordinary middle-class man tries to predict the main thing: the likelihood of a general deterioration or improvement of his life after a divorce, if he still decides on it. Unfortunately, there is also its own nuance, and an unpleasant one: Receiving and processing even the most objective information about all aspects of the life prospects of a husband leaving the family occurs through five crooked lenses of his perception - love, alcohol, male self-confidence, the presence or absence of significant life experience in a man and the behavioral talents of a woman - a contender who can competently present herself in a more favorable light than she actually is. Because of these five crooked lenses, psychological inertia comes into play in the divorce process. Human thinking is always a little behind the events of life. Therefore, a real assessment of the divorce that has occurred begins to be made by a man only a month, or even several months after leaving the family home. And here is the most important thing: – If a man quickly notices a clear improvement in his life in everyday, mental, intimate comfort,his financial situation will not worsen, the new partner will not interfere with his communication with the children, she will be ready to give birth to children together, such a man will carry out a divorce and survive it, not really repenting of what he has done. – If, within the next few months after leaving the family, the man notices a clear deterioration in his life in everyday, mental, intimate comfort, his financial situation will worsen, the new partner will interfere with his communication with children, will not want to give birth to children together, such a man will most likely experience difficult experiences, repent of his deeds and... try to restore relationship with his ex-wife. The main problem with psychological inertia in the event of a possible or real divorce is that in fact, when divorcing his wife who bore him children, a man always loses more than a woman. Only he does not always understand this in time. He doesn’t understand, first of all, because he sharply reduces the number and time of his communication with the child. The main thing that a man always loses in a divorce is not an apartment or a car or even alimony, but the sparkle of happiness in the eyes of his own child. Unfortunately, this I mean, men are always a little slow-witted. Unlike women, who can calculate the consequences of divorce with a high degree of probability, men always do this extremely poorly. As a result, a psychological imbalance arises in male and female behavior. A woman suffers from a divorce even before it occurs, but already two or three months after the divorce she gathers her will into a fist and begins to live on. A man lives in the illusion of freedom during a divorce, and months after the court decision on divorce, he begins to suffer mentally. And when a man, in the peak of suffering, comes to his ex-wife “to confess”, having already suffered and cried all the tears, most often she no longer accepts him. As a result, many men who initiated divorces rush back and forth, ending up in hospitals with strokes and heart attacks or even drinking themselves to death. However, let’s not talk about this topic for now. Now it is important for me to show the following: Fortunately, Divorce on the initiative of the husband is not one of those phenomena that can happen at any time. If we are not now considering situations related to the wife’s infidelity and the husband’s alcoholism, then the departure of the average husband from the official family and a real divorce are possible only when: – his financial situation is very stable, and his family has already accumulated those assets, that real estate, the division of which in the event of a divorce will allow both the husband to live quite comfortably with another woman and the wife with children; – his financial and career situation is clearly “going uphill,” the man develops a feeling, confidence or illusion that, taking this circumstance into account, in the event of a divorce, he will be able to resolve all the material issues of the former and new family, both with existing assets and assets expected in the near future; - his financial situation may be very different (bad, average or good), but his new woman convinced him that either thanks to herself (and her means, connections, intelligence, experience, ideas, efficiency, perseverance, etc.), or until now Since the abilities of the man himself have not yet been demonstrated, they will not only be able to resolve their material issues, but also properly provide care for children in an existing legal marriage. Moving further from theory to practice, I will once again record: The husband’s departure from the family, the husband’s conversations about Divorce and divorce itself are three completely different things! And often unrelated to each other. Your husband may leave home simply because you offended him. He can talk about divorce simply because of his harsh and impetuous character. Fortunately for you and for him - easy-going. But a man can file for divorce and actually go live with another woman without going through such stages as leaving home and talking about divorce. Although, based on observations, when trying to file for divorce, talk about divorce most often precedes these actions of the husband. So, if we are talking about a man’s attemptreal divorce, then smart wives should understand one important circumstance: During family life, the number of opportunities for wives to file for divorce is much higher than the number of opportunities for their husbands. Why? Yes, simply because it is easier for a sexually active woman-wife, even with average external data, in the event of a divorce, to find a wealthy man who has an average income plus an apartment, plus a car, than for a man leaving the family to find a wealthy girl. And we are not even talking about the fact that for most women, marriage with a wealthy man is a holiday, luck and a dream, and for most men, marrying a girl more wealthy than himself is almost synonymous with the words “shame”, “alphonse”, “ not a man”, etc. A man who wants to leave his family has to rely on himself, and a woman can count on another man. From here we can say that, like expensive athletes, whom clubs have the right to sell to each other only during certain time periods - during the so-called “transfer windows”, the transfer window of opportunity to replace a wife for most men actually occurs only a few times in their lives. By the way, the author thinks that this is very cool! Otherwise, many men would run after women all their lives, producing children whose happy childhood would be in very big question. And so men are still, at least a little, but still slightly squeezed! So they are forced to sit and painfully weigh all the thirteen factors described above, to think according to the scheme: “... Let’s say I really don’t like my wife, who always puts pressure on me, and she herself as a woman has long disappointed me... I found a better option for myself... The question arises , what will I bring to my mistress? The apartment, kindly, should be left to the wife. After all, this is our property acquired during marriage. So, in half... Plus the child’s share. I'm clearly at a disadvantage here. I have a car, but you won’t live in it... A friend has her own apartment, but there I’ll be on a bird’s license. Even if I marry her, it won’t change anything; I’ll still be dependent on women’s opinions. It turns out that where I left is what I came to... Disorder! If I rent an apartment on principle, then my expenses will immediately double. You need to give money for the child, and spend it on an apartment, and you also need to live on something. And even give gifts to your beloved girl... You can give gifts to your old wife without gifts, but to your new and young wife - be so kind. There won’t be enough budget here... Even if you take out a mortgage, you still need initial capital, and also pay interest... In addition, it will be necessary to take out an apartment after the divorce, but before the wedding, so as not to share this property with your first wife, not with the second... And here, firstly, I still don’t really want to formalize a second marriage, I’m fed up with the first one. Secondly, if I take on a new apartment only for myself, then my future wife will be offended and will understand that I don’t trust her... Again, I’ll take out a mortgage, but suddenly I lose my job or get sick and won’t be able to pay... In short, wherever you throw it, everywhere wedge... And he’s still a small child, he’s still far from coming of age. It’s a pity to leave the family at a time when my wife suddenly gets married, and my child will be raised by a completely different uncle... What follows from this? First of all, you should not rush! You need to slowly, quietly from your wife, first save money for a down payment on a mortgage or even to purchase another apartment. Only then should you leave your family to go out. In the meantime, the child will grow up... By this time I will still be about 35-45 years old. To start a new family life is quite nothing. My friend will endure for now... If she loves, she will endure in silence and wait. If he doesn’t love you or won’t tolerate it in silence, we’ll consider other options... For now, apparently, we’ll have to live in a family, even though my wife and I are not comfortable...” This, or something like this, is how many married men think about the prospects of their possible divorce . Years go by. Without waiting for sudden movements from their lovers, their lovers leave them in hysterics and tears. The children are growing up, with whom dadIt becomes more and more interesting to communicate. The amount to purchase an apartment to start a new family still does not accumulate. Especially secretly from his wife. There are no prospects for career growth yet... Over the years, health deteriorates and sexual potency decreases. When meeting with an active young lover, a growing or already fully grown man increasingly asks himself: “Are short minutes of intense sex worth such long-term turning points and painful events in life? Moreover, when everything seems to have already settled down... Maybe they’re not worth it...” Seeing the desire of a young mistress to have children, a man thinks about whether he is mentally ready to go through all these diaper-vests again, the baby’s crying nights, potty training, walking hand in hand with a sleepy baby in the morning to kindergarten and school, other “charms” of fatherhood. And lo and behold: the man’s fighting impulse faded away! It’s not that his family has become noticeably more comfortable and stronger. Rather, it became clear and understandable to him that with the existing strength and money, he would not create another, more comfortable family, with vibrant sex, a slender and flexible wife! A man cannot cope with all this, due to lack of money, apartment, health and confidence in the future. Obviously: Men's everyday caution saves families no less than love for their wife and children. Maybe even more... From the above author's passage, the following is obvious: The risk group of men prone to infidelity and divorce: (alcoholics and husbands who incriminate their wife are not taken into account in treason): – Men who have a large income / dowry hidden from their wife, which allows them to secretly accumulate the financial resources necessary to start a new family life. The most dangerous, from this point of view, are men with unregulated work schedules and who regularly go on business trips: thanks to the presence of hidden income and the opportunity to spend the night with other women, they are the ones who lead in the number of divorces. – Men with a legal large income. The following pattern often works with them: The growth of the family’s well-being, the purchase of a second apartment very often prepares the husband for leaving there with another woman. You know, everything here is like in biology: before the cell carries out its own division, it first prepares for this in advance, accumulates energy and construction material for dividing and creating two new cells at once... – Men simply with a large income (even with blue-collar professions, such as a window/door installer or assembly line fitter) or with a relatively large income (for their society and environment), which is enough to support two families at once with a low level of material demands. – Male businessmen, whose wives, as a rule, know little about the financial life of their spouse. – Problematic, unsuccessful men who do not have male pride, are ready to become lodgers in the living space of another woman, generally striving live off more successful or at least more stable women. It is easy to identify such men: most often, they once immediately went to live in the living space of their first wife and received a salary that was less than that. Or, maybe, at times, even more, like the same representatives of the criminal world, but extremely irregularly. Accordingly, if they suddenly come across a woman in love with them, who is well-settled in material, financial and everyday aspects, they are quite capable of making another transition in their lives. Usually not the last. In this regard, I may irritate some of my readers, but I will express my conviction that today one of the serious reasons for divorce is the presence of apartments, cars and decent income for women thanks to work. It is the female success of a mistress that often turns out to be the decisive argument for a man who, for some reason, is dissatisfied with his existing wife. Previously, in past centuries and decades, when leaving the family, a man had to double or even triple the burden of financial expenses, supporting both the previous and the new family at once. For the simple reason thatGirls of that time had practically nothing to their name: all material wealth was concentrated only in the hands of men. This seriously frightened a significant part of the men, and after two or three tricks, with short-term wanderings around a drunken shop, they came to their senses, cut off such expensive “left ties” and became decent family men. Nowadays, timid and poor men are actively encouraged to take decisive action by their girlfriends themselves. They tell them: “Come on, my friend, leave the family! I have an apartment, my own, or rented, but I still have it! There is a car. I get a salary, at least we won’t die of hunger! We'll scrape together for the wedding too. And in general, we are both working people, everything will work out for you and me, everything is ahead of us! Don’t drift!” – Also, those wives whose husbands, although they don’t have a lot of money, still earn at the average level and slightly above average (from two to five thousand dollars a month) and lead an active lifestyle ( have energetic hobbies), pay great attention to their appearance: they follow fashion, go to the gym, control their weight. Such men, if there are severe conflicts in the family and lack of intimate harmony in it, are also capable of leaving the family with subsequent divorce. The lack of additional apartments and a large bank account is compensated by their excellent physical characteristics even at the age of 40, resulting from their self-confidence, in the fact that they will still be able to earn money, make a career, and purchase new real estate for a new family nest. The most important thing is that such men are always in the zone of increased attention of the surrounding women, who are ready to enter into a fight at any time. Accordingly, if a man has masculine pride, but does not have a lot of money, a second apartment (plus this is not expected in the future), he complains about the presence of any health problems, the likelihood of him leaving the family forever is extremely small. I emphasize: if he is brought to the required condition, he, of course, will be able to leave and slam the door. He will live for a couple of days or even weeks with his parents, friends, in the office, in the car or in a rented apartment, but then he will return anyway. He will return simply because his “alternate airfield” was not prepared in advance. Moreover, he was not prepared in advance simply due to his complete absence. Actually, that’s all. The author clearly showed his respected readers that only a few categories of men who have large funds and (or) significant real estate, thanks to real or fictitious business trips, regularly live in two houses, are able to withstand the pressure of relatives and close circle, or have no moral principles, ready to move on everything ready for another woman, are able to move from conversations about divorce directly to divorce. Other men, having quarreled with their wife and even left home, in nine out of ten cases return to it themselves. They return as soon as they are faced with the realities of life outside the family. And the less they know these realities of life before leaving the family, the faster they will return to this same family. If only they were accepted back there...I will say more. During my consultations with families where the husband threatens his wife to leave and file for divorce, the author really likes to ask such men how much exactly in rubles a loaf of bread, a liter of milk, a dozen eggs, a kilogram of sausage, cheese, meat, potatoes, rice costs , pasta The practice of my observations shows that: – Husbands who know exactly the texture of life, including how much basic food costs, as a rule, rarely leave the family. These are complete realists who usually do not give in to emotions and sexual tension. – Men who name prices for basic goods in the consumer basket only approximately or do not know them at all are men with a high probability of filing for divorce. They either earn so muchthat they don’t bother to know exactly how much food costs, or are so accustomed to the fact that only women do the shopping (and they themselves may well be poor), that they can easily succumb to the persuasion of their mistress to leave the family, having little idea of ​​exactly how they will behave your future material life. Or hoping that purchases and everyday burdens will again fall only on the wife, albeit on another one. Rich men are applicants for divorce, poor men are able to leave, but then, most likely, they will knock back on the family door. Thus, it is obvious that the panic of a married man, quite logically, comes after the man lives in a new regime for himself at least month, strongly resembles the horror of an astronaut who suddenly realizes that he is trying to exit a spacecraft into outer space without a spacesuit. I’ll say it straight: It is the moral and financial unpreparedness of many men for the start of a new family life, the lack of their activity in solving many material, everyday, financial, legal, moral and other problems that arise when leaving the family, which is as excellent a protector of the family as Love. This begs the question, what is the trigger for the rationality of these men? Of course - time! Of course, in fairness, it should be noted that time is not some separate factor that directly influences violent and intoxicated male heads. Like a developer emulsion in a photographic laboratory, which in itself does not create pictures on film at all, but only allows them to become visible to the naked eye, so time only creates the necessary conditions so that a man who has left the family, by and large, can... better know himself himself and the women around him! Including your love for your wife, children, a stable family life, on the one hand, or a craving for erotic adventures, extreme life, achieving new life goals, etc. Time in a situation of threat of divorce is a scale, where on one side of the scale - the predictable stability of the wife, and on the other - the little predictable dynamics of the mistress. So the question arises: should we give or not give a man who has left the family home time to “think and live on his own”? This question is not at all random. In various psychological literature, and even more so in women's glossy magazines, a variety of opinions are expressed on this matter. Some authors insist that a man who has left the family must be returned to his wife and everyone around him immediately by all means possible, until he gets used to a free life. Otherwise, if he tastes romantic loneliness, it will no longer be possible to harness him back into the shafts of family life: the principle will apply according to which “no matter how much you feed the wolf, he keeps looking into the forest.” And in general, if a man endures the hardships of a new life for more than a month or two, then this will only harden him, from now on he will no longer be afraid of losing yesterday’s family comfort, he will suffer through everything and will not return to his family. Therefore, collectively everyone cries and sobs, persuading the man to return quickly. Other authors, on the contrary, urgently demand that a man who has run away from the family should not be allowed back into the family, no matter how much he asks to go there, for as long as possible. In this case, the wife herself has absolutely nothing to worry about and should not try to persuade her husband to return. Let him make the decision himself. According to the logic of the authors of these recommendations, “but a husband who runs away from the family will suffer so much that later, even in a nightmare, he will not want to leave his wife.” If we reason purely theoretically, then both opinions contain common sense. Indeed, for some of the men who left the family, a month of separate living away from the family home will be quite enough for him to understand everything for himself and no longer even think about “left” relationships. But for some, after a difficult first month, such a complete adaptation will occur, when a man will become so adapted to all sorts of hardships (up to spending the night in a car or garage, when even the wool is onhis back will begin to grow better) that even tearful pleas and Tula gingerbread cannot lure him back home. Therefore, without at all criticizing the authors of both the first and second extremes, I will express the following personal opinion. It is extremely difficult to combat male departures from the family according to any single pattern. It has long been known that “what is joy for a Russian is death for a German.” So with modern men, who now represent an incredibly diverse contingent in terms of age, nationality, religion, property, education and everything else, it is impossible to work “with the same brush.” Therefore, in my work I proceed from two aspects at once, which are something in between the two extremes discussed above: Aspect 1. A runaway husband, of course, should return to the family only by himself, himself and again himself! Under no circumstances should his wife try to persuade him to come back! But she also shouldn’t let him back in whenever he wants. Otherwise, it will take the form of a long and tedious run back and forth. The husband should be allowed back to the wife only after, firstly, she has eliminated most of those features of her behavior that irritate the husband and were also the reasons for his leaving the family. Secondly, the departed husband himself must ask for this. Thirdly, the husband must not only ask to return, but also take on specific obligations (preferably written) to improve his own family behavior, to ensure that he will never leave the family again. Aspect 2. How much time will all this take? , in fact, is not fundamental, and is determined in each specific family history in its own way. For some, it will take a couple of weeks, and for others, even six months. The main thing in this case is not so much the return of the husband to the family, but such a fundamental change in the family thinking of both the husband and his wife, as a result of which all the main prerequisites for further family conflicts and new departures will be eliminated. I emphasize: for me, as a practice, in In the case of the return of an escaped husband, the main thing is not the speed of his return, but a fundamental revision by the husband and wife of the tactics and strategy of their future family life! What forces me to think, speak and write this way is the reality that, as a practitioner of family psychology, I have to deal with several times a week. Exactly what: The final divorce of spouses is always preceded by either attempts to leave one of the couple, or real departures, or, at a minimum, frank warnings about the threat of divorce. This means that the majority of wives whose husbands left and filed for divorce (if the husbands are not alcoholics and have not caught the wife herself cheating): – they already assumed, or even knew for sure, that their husband was morally ready to take this step; – they at least knew approximately what exactly their husband was dissatisfied with; – they almost always had some information about the possible presence of another woman with the husband, her pros and cons; - at least several times they either kept the husband on the verge of leaving and divorce, or even already returned him back to the family; - keeping the husband in the family and even returning him back after trying to leave, these wives were unable to reformat, modernize and improve their own behavior, the behavior of their husband and the general system of relations in the family so much that their previous successes in preserving the family in fact turned out to be insufficient to ensure the preservation of this couple for life. Now I ask myself and its readers: Is it necessary, in these conditions, to proceed from the task of returning the husband to the family as soon as possible, or preventing him from returning to the family hearth for as long as possible? Probably not after all! Absolutely, in these conditions we need one thing: during the time that the runaway husband is away from home, it is important to create all the conditions so that the husband and wife increase the level of adequacy of their family behavior and eliminate most of the grounds for mutual claims. How long it will take them to do this again is not very important. Of course, it would be very niceif all this happened quickly, in a few days or a couple of weeks. But let's call a spade a spade: if a husband is a generally normal person, and he suddenly decides to leave the family, this means not only that he is a “moral monster and a rare scoundrel,” but also that this couple has literally accumulated “Augean stables” of family problems, a whole full range of them. And simply the mechanical return of the husband back, taken by itself, will not solve or eliminate them. Therefore, when in consultation the author begins to work with another crying woman, who reports that her husband left her first of all, I ask her: “Do you know those problems because of which your husband left? - What exactly have you already done to eliminate them? - How long will it take you to not only declare your readiness to change your behavior in the right direction, but also to do it in practice? I hope the author was is convincing enough to show its readers that in the matter of returning an escaped husband, we should very carefully walk between the Scylla of an acute desire to quickly return the husband home, and at the same time not change anything in our female and family behavior, and the Charybdis of the desire to let everything take its course, simply wait until the husband suffers from everyday inconveniences and material problems, breaks down psychologically and returns on his own. Hence my author’s position is this: There is no need to rush to return your husband who has left home! Let him return on his own. What we really should hurry to do is to eliminate the reasons that led to the crisis in this family. The faster you eliminate them, the faster you will become the mistress of the situation, return your husband and eliminate the possibility of his repeated infidelities and leaving the family in the future. Now, in this rather large and complex article, the author has expressed everything he wanted. Knowing that if your husband leaves you, on your side is his love and jealousy for you and your children, discomfort from the many everyday, material, financial and moral problems that inevitably arise for men who did not have time to prepare for themselves a comfortable “alternate airfield” in advance. , and Lady Time, who helps a man to better experience all this on his own skin, and gives you, as a smart wife, time to eliminate all those shortcomings in your behavior that pushed your spouse away from you (if he is not an alcoholic), you only need one thing - act! Which of these three you will focus on in a difficult family moment is up to you to choose. My job, as a psychologist and writer, is only to provide you with a lot of necessary information, to show you the thought processes that occur in the head of a husband who is leaving or has already left the family and his mistress, to identify the “risk groups” of men prone to infidelity and divorce. More specific recommendations are contained in my books such as “If your husband leaves or cheats, and you want to return him back to the family”, “How to assess the strength of your marriage”, “How to strengthen your marriage”, “Familyquakes”. I highly recommend that you familiarize yourself with them. Remark. Many husbands who have left their families tell me confidentially: “You know, professor, since my income is not very large and my wife controls it, the only way to prepare a living space for themselves during a divorce turned out to be... bribes! It was on them that I secretly prepared an alternative family nest and supported my mistress. It was for these reasons that I had to take bribes, and not at all because I am a bad person...” As you can see for yourself: Corruption is an excellent breeding ground for the growth of mistresses and parallel families. “Left” income is always the basis for “leftist” relationships! From here, I strongly advise respected wives: “Do a lot of educational work with your husbands about the fact that Taking bribes is not good! By doing this, you will not only save your husband from prison, and yourself from competition with mistresses, but will help the country defeat corruption.” Eliminating corruption is not only a step towards improving life in the country, but also towards increasing the strength of every family in it! This is not an author’s fiction. This is for real):+7-902-990-5168, +7-913-520 -001, +7-926-633-5200.