There is such an important aspect in the practice of Nonviolent Communication - the ability to listen and hear another with empathy. At Lena Kashkareva’s training in 2021, I heard this description of “listening with empathy” and I still use it with gratitude. The point is that when listening to a person, it is important to keep your gifts to yourself. What are these gifts? - advice - clarifying questions - stories, what happened to me, or someone I know, or children in Africa - pity - words of encouragement (or reducing the significance of the experience - “oh well, it can be worse”) - assessment, labeling and diagnosing What is this strange word “gifts”? What we ourselves take for support, what we think will help the person next to us. We sincerely care and want to do at least something to alleviate the condition of our loved one or not so close. We give all these gifts with love and good intentions. But often they do not lead to the desired goal, do not alleviate the condition and do not demonstrate our inclusion and care. We had an assignment at that training: listen empathetically, keeping attention on the desire to share gifts. And without giving gifts to the interlocutor. It was not easy for me. I'm used to expressing my support this way. It seemed that nothing was impossible: no matter what I said, it would all end up somewhere on the list of gifts. I still often stumble and do things wrong. I forgive myself and move on. What really is a manifestation of empathy? First of all, remember your intentions and feel them. 1) The intention to be close and stay close - I am close, I listen, I will withstand any of your emotions, any of your manifestations, any degree of despair, fear, anger, resentment, shame, sadness, uncontrollable joy, admiration or surprise. I will stay with you because you are important / important to me always, and your condition now will not change my attitude towards you. 2) Intention to hear - I am interested in what is happening to you now. What exactly are you feeling right now? I just follow you, your story, I don’t think at this moment about how to answer more beautifully or correctly, I just follow in your footsteps. 3) The intention to see the beauty of needs and feelings - the world is different, but at that time, what we say to each other, I want to get to know you closer, deeper, I am ready to follow your experiences and support you simply by sharing them with you. I do not evaluate your feelings as right or wrong, as positive or negative, as decent or not decent, as acceptable or not. I am a man, I am nearby, I will endure everything and I will see behind the prickly splashes of emotions the power and greatness of the waterfall of needs. So what can I say? Advice is not allowed, regret is not allowed, clarifying questions are not allowed. Just sit there silently? Not really. But before speaking, it is important to enter into the state that I tried to describe above. And when you are fully turned towards the person, look into the depth of his experiences and partly for them - questions and supporting phrases appear on their own, but they are directed towards the person. To a person, and not to me, to circumstances or some obligations and rules. Well, I admit, I still often forget about this story and slip into bestowing my interlocutor with my gifts. I continue to study. And for this I have an empathy partner. We call each other once a week and practice listening to each other with empathy. And so it has been for a year and a half!!! Surely you have encountered “gifts” in your life. Have you had any experience of empathy in the form in which it is described here??