From the author: Relationships with a partner are only relationships between a man and a woman. A child cannot be a “pillow for mom’s tears.” For him it is flawed and unbearable. The child is aggressive in kindergarten. The reasons may be different. About one of them in this real story. A 5-year-old boy has serious behavior problems in kindergarten. He is aggressive, beats both girls and boys in kindergarten, and at home with his mother he is a sweet and caring child. Mom looks for reasons in the external environment and accuses the kindergarten staff of incompetence. The parents gave the boy’s mother a choice: contact a child psychologist or take the child out of the group. In the conversation, the young mother said that she has a very kind and caring son, and she does not understand what makes her son fight with his peers. At home, he is a sweet and caring son, he covers his mother with a blanket, pours juice for her and himself, strokes her head and whispers kind words. From his eyes Mom draws the love she lacks. That's what she thinks. - Why is my child so different? Is he being provoked? Is he defending himself? Why doesn't anyone love us? Why should I do this? - the young mother said and began to cry. “Are you complaining to your son about his life?” Are you crying in despair? - I asked. - Yes! Who else should I complain to if we live together! – answered the young mother. “Is it hard for you?” Alone? Are you suffering? - I clarified. - Yes! “I’m very sad and hurt,” the young mother confirmed. “It’s hard for you, an adult woman, to live, you can’t cope with emotions and events. Can your 5-year-old child bear your pain and grief on his shoulders? Can he do it? - I asked a question, looking at her. Can a child cope with a burden that is heavy even for an adult? Of course not! Mom raises her son alone. She gave birth to a child of her own free will from a beloved but married man who never promised her to leave his family. The man loves her, but in his own way. They all vacation together once a year. He takes care of his son, provides everything he needs, gives him toys. A young mother wants to be the only one, such attention is not enough for her. She remembers that her beloved man did not give her any promises to marry, but she still waits and hopes, which means she does not accept the current situation. He did not promise more, but the woman wants this more! Returning from a date with the child’s father, she is sad and cries in front of her son, she complains to him about her “misfortune.” She convinces herself that the man she loves will be better off with her than in that family. Because of Mom’s suffering, the child feels bad. The suffering of the mother gives rise to anger and aggression towards this world in the child. He's a protector. He's a man! Mom often talks about this to her son. You can guess what thoughts are born in the child’s head: - I love mom. She often cries, it means she feels bad, it means she is being offended, I must protect her, - that’s what he thinks and protects in his own way. - World is not fair! The world hurts his Mom! - such thoughts give rise to aggression. For a child, the world is kindergarten and peers. The mother does not realize that she herself is programming this behavior in her own son. Behavior that turns into a persistent habit because there is no alternative. What to do in this situation? Take responsibility. Change your attitude towards this situation. A son cannot be his mother’s friend for discussing adult situations, a “pillow for tears,” a father and husband. He can only be a son! If you accept the current situation with your beloved man consciously, i.e. If you agree with her, then allow yourself to calm down and enjoy life, do not torment yourself. You're an adult! You can do it! If not, then start building a new life for the benefit of yourself and your child. You are an adult! You can do it! What experience does a child add to his or her life in such situations? Negative! Mom feels bad, which means the World is terrible! Every Child sees this World through the eyes of Mom and Dad. Articles for every taste. Subscribe and read. My books in electronic and printed versions. Irina Vasilakiy, art,