Story 3. "Come! I feel bad!" (beginning of a series of articles on this topic) “My mother often feels bad,” a young girl says about her problem. - Every time my mother feels bad, she calls me and asks me to come to her, because her heart is bad. I have to take time off from work and go to my mother from the other end of Moscow. Or they leave their family and rush to their mother. Tired. No forces. I'm driving in the car and crying. I want to stop this, but how? Refuse mom to help? How can I continue to live with this? I don’t see a way out. - Tell me, please. What do you do when you come to your mother? - I calm her down, drink tea, measure her blood pressure, sit next to her. - How long does it take you to get to your mother? - At best, if there are no traffic jams, then 1.5 hours .- Summarize. From the moment your mother feels unwell until the moment you arrive, at least 1.5 hours pass. Mom is waiting for you and there is no deterioration in her condition. Right? - Yes. - You arrive, but you don’t call an ambulance. There is no urgent need for this. Therefore, what mom calls “I feel bad” does not threaten her life. Do you agree? - Yes. - Does your mother know what is taking you away from work and from your family? - I told her, but she reproaches me: “Are work and family more important to you than your mother? You will have many other jobs, and there may be a new family, and I’m the only one with you!” - Yes, everything in my mother’s words is true. But what Mom uses these words for is like a "fish hook." Do you want to be on the hook? - I don’t want to. - I suggest we speculate further. A heart attack requires immediate help. Are you a doctor? - No. - If you are not a doctor, then when you arrive, you will not be able to provide qualified assistance. Is that right? - Yes. - Consequently, while you are traveling across Moscow to see your mother, you leave her without help for at least 1.5 hours. Is this reasonable? - I didn’t think so. - Think about it now. And I will once again tell you the questions to which you answered: “Yes!” It will take time to comprehend. And I give this time to the girl. At the end of the session, a decision is born: - As soon as mom calls and reports high blood pressure and a heart attack, it is wiser to suggest that she call an ambulance. Ask the doctor to call me and let me know what’s wrong with my mother. Give recommendations. And only then will I make a decision to go or not to go. PS It was difficult for the girl to tell her mother this, but she was able to, arguing that she cares about her and therefore considers it unreasonable to leave her without help for 1.5 hours. Not immediately, mother’s behavior has changed. She lacked attention, so her daughter found another way to give her attention at a time convenient for her.© All rights reserved. Reprinting an article or fragment is possible only with a link to this site and attribution. My book "Don't paint me your color." Dialogues with a psychologist. It will help you to be an observer, not a victim..