The hyper-responsibility of highly sensitive people Continuation of the topic: If you are a highly sensitive person (part 1) This article will most likely apply to those highly sensitive people who want and do to be a helper or develop in helping professions One of the main problems of highly sensitive helpers is that they become overly involved in other people's problems and difficulties. Their hyper-responsibility gives rise to feelings such as shame or guilt. And the voice of conscience is as strong as it is exaggerated. “Conscience is how you see yourself from the outside.” There is nothing wrong with the feelings of shame or guilt as such. Sometimes these feelings are even useful. They can indicate that you are a responsible person who cares not only about your own life, but also about the lives of others. There is a saying: it is better to teach a starving person to fish than to feed him a ready-made meal. Support, words of sympathy, willingness to help - all this is important and valuable; however, if the person himself (who needs help) does not make any effort to do this, all your sincere intentions to help will be meaningless. Everyone has their own area of ​​responsibility; By “feeding” a hungry person every time, instead of teaching him how to get food on his own, you doom him to an irresponsible and helpless state. At the same time, you yourself spend your psychological strength, blaming yourself for not being able to change the situation much. Empathy is a rather ambiguous feeling. “Highly sensitive assistants tend to overdo it with sympathy. They encourage the other person to engage in behavior that actually needs to be changed.” Ilse Sand. This is just about the hungry and the feeding. The problem is that highly sensitive people become deeply imbued with the problems of other people (especially loved ones) and begin to feel guilty for their suffering. The most important skill that highly sensitive people should adopt is this skill in recognizing feelings of guilt and resisting shame. Highly sensitive people and helpers spend a lot of energy and emotions on feelings of guilt and shame, especially when faced with situations in which a loved one cannot be helped. Instead of rushing to save a starving man, listen to yourself and remember that it is also important for you to take care of yourself in the process of helping (so as not to burn out). Try to shift the focus of the conversation and help from yourself to the one with whom you are talking. Instead; “Is there anything I can do for you?” It’s better to try to focus the person’s attention on himself: - what can you do for yourself now? - what do you want/can do to improve the current situation? - you have already coped with difficulties before; tell us how you did it? This way you can take a break from the emotional load and perhaps the person, having shifted awareness to himself, will begin to collect his fishing rod in order to be full. Hyperresponsibility is the work of the one who provides help. It is important to realize that no one can hang it on you without your knowledge or permission (which was not even spoken out loud). And if a person does not want to learn to fish and make a fishing rod, that is his choice and his decision. You are not responsible for this. You showed how to assemble a tool and how to use it (your area of ​​responsibility), but whether a person will use it or go looking for another sympathetic “breadwinner” remains in his area of ​​​​responsibility. Yes, sometimes it can be sad that it didn’t work out somehow help a person; but this is not only a question of whether you made your efforts for this; the question is whether the person himself made his own efforts at the same time. It is important to be able to take care of yourself; because if you want to help people, you need internal resources for this.