There are usually many more ways out of any situation than we are able to see. And if suddenly some situation seems hopeless to us, we try to look at it from a variety of angles. Perhaps a way out will appear somewhere. Sometimes, in order to look at the current circumstances from an unexpected angle, it is enough to simply ask an unexpected question. Why am I doing this - a question that may sound quite unexpected (namely Why, the question Why will give a completely different effect)) When my beloved a friend got himself a new beloved, the friend tried for a long time to imagine how those two (without her) would live. How her ex loves her current one, how he wants to be with her, how he cares about her. The fantasies, I must say, are quite painful. The friend brought herself to a state of complete smearing with them, and, barely getting out, started again. The answer to the question “why am I doing this” turned out to be ridiculously meaningless: “I’m used to it” (i.e., so as not to come up with a new method); “It seemed to me that it was right” (i.e., to follow my rules). Considering the liters of tears shed in the kitchens of close friends, these reasons did not seem so compelling for continuing to torment myself. By the way, sometimes this is really where it all ends. It happens that we do something self-destructive only because we have never thought: why am I doing this? My friend, however, had a different option. After thinking, she found a more serious answer: “It’s easier for me to get used to the idea that we are no longer together” (i.e., to quickly get used to being alone). Is it really easier? At least, having understood what she really wanted, her friend was able to invent, think about and try different ways to achieve it. It was she who, in the end, delved into her passion for music (which her ex, alas, did not share). The friend found the true purpose of her, rather meaningless, at first glance, “activity.” But only by understanding your actual goal can you accept it or refuse it, agree with the (mental, energetic, other) costs of it or look for more economical options. Frankly, what I described is a much more complex trick than it might seem at first sight. It's not easy to notice your habitual destructive behavior. Stay. To discover that when something “wrong” happens to me, I also invest in it (the girl I wrote about above was not only tormented by painful ideas: she came up with them herself). It’s not so easy to ask the question “Why am I doing this?” Remain perplexed and anxious until the answer becomes clear. In all these cases, the help of a specialist may well be appropriate. Each of our actions is purposeful, regardless of whether we know where exactly it is directed. Sometimes our goals are so insignificant that just seeing them is enough to make us stop wanting to “do nonsense.” Sometimes they are important, but it’s worth deciding on your goals in order to understand that the path we have chosen leads “to Moscow through Kyiv.” And all this understanding may well begin with the question “Why am I doing this??»