From the author: The article was written in co-authorship with Tatyana Zaitseva. Many secrets told into each other’s ears by girls, young and adult women, mothers and grandmothers are connected with the events of their “female destiny”. This is one of the universal topics of women's conversations. Of course, not every woman becomes a mother, and not all mothers give birth to daughters. But every woman has or had a mother, and sometimes several “mothers.” Speaking about “mommies”, we mean a function, and not a place in a genealogical pair. The variability of these relationships, so important for a woman’s life, is manifested in all its diversity: from confluence, complete absorption and loss of one’s own “I” to disorganization and emotional rupture in the considered dyadic relationships, where too strict external boundaries lead to detachment and isolation from each other. Literary sources describe different types of mothers (psychodynamic approach): mothers-mentors, mothers-legislators, unfair, inferior, jealous, subordinate and superior mothers. And also :nursing mothers, sacrificing, altruistic, madly loving mothers. And all children from time immemorial have had a secret dream of an accepting, unconditionally loving mother... In turn, daughters, becoming women and mothers, are trying to solve the dilemma: whether to turn into their own mother, whether to become like her. And this is a matter of choice, which in fact there is no choice. After all, without identification there can be no differentiation with one’s own mother. And it is her messages and statements that the girl absorbs from childhood along with her mother’s milk; she is exactly what she wants to be like—the most important woman in her life. It’s not for nothing that people say: “If you want to know what your wife will be like in the future, look at her mother.” These processes accompany all periods of a woman’s life: birth, the rapprochement phase, the Oedipal phase, adolescence in connection with sexual desires and the desire for autonomy. Often a maturing woman “gets stuck” on her idea that she can be perfect. This is when the absolutization (positive or negative) of the image of one’s own mother and, accordingly, of oneself occurs. At this stage, topics such as: - I don’t want to be like her! Or vice versa: “Don’t touch my mom!” Often women who seek help are faced with the question of how to be in this relationship. After all, the relationship between mother and daughter is not a marital relationship that can be dissolved, therefore, the relationship becomes a given that cannot be circumvented. These dyadic relationships simply exist and, of course, they have an impact on the formation and life of a woman. And if a woman is burdened by female society or, on the contrary, she is especially comfortable in it, then this is a small wake-up call that perhaps in her female relationships something is broken... In our life, as we know, nothing passes without a trace. So who “writes the script” of our female destiny? And how can you break this vicious circle and not subsequently become a monster for your own daughter, or for your own mother, when over time the “alignment of forces” can change... or, first of all, for yourself? Where does anger “live” and how can one see a Person in her, in the Other woman? This is a difficult balance - mother and daughter... Rivalry or cooperation? And often instead of a dance in which the parties come closer and further apart, a fierce struggle unfolds for similarities and dissimilarity, struggle and competition, from which both sides suffer. And therefore, whether we like it or not, being in the company of at least one woman, each of us alternately finds ourselves in a situation, roughly speaking, of a “portrait in the interior.” At least, that's how many people perceive it. And then at some moments I can be a “figure” in this relationship, and at other times I can “fade into the background.” To what extent is this tolerable for each specific woman and to what extent can the “take-give” balance be realized in these relationships? also exist the uniqueness of one's own.