He/she definitely acted horribly towards me. I can try to understand him, but I want him to admit that he did something wrong. Then I will rest, because I will know that he (s) repents. But he (s) never does this. This means that I am not important to him... Such conclusions occur with one of the partners in a couple. Why is it so difficult to apologize? But it may indeed be very difficult for him... A person cannot apologize because he associates himself with his bad deed. The feeling of guilt is immediately followed by shame and he feels like a bad, unworthy person. The abyss of shame prevents compassion and empathy from breaking through. Only when he can look at himself not only as such a terrible person, but also sees himself as valuable, capable of many things, allowing himself to make mistakes, something can begin to change. “To honestly look at his unseemly actions and sincerely answer for them people need to have solid ground of self-respect under their feet. Only from this higher point of view can people who cause harm look at things objectively. Only from this peak will they be able to ask for forgiveness. Dr. Harriet Lerner" - from Brené Brown's book "It's All Because of Me (But It's Not So). The truth about perfectionism, imperfection and the power of vulnerability. Most likely, his childhood experience of apologizing was bitter. Not only did they not try to understand them, they did not sympathize with them, but they were also punished, sometimes cruelly, when he decided to admit his guilt. Such a difficult experience teaches a person to distance himself from people, from their feelings. He cannot repent or apologize, because they are very scared that it will suddenly hurt again. A lot of warmth and unconditional acceptance are needed for such a person to begin to heal. People often consider such partners to be callous and indifferent. After long attempts to reach out, they burn out and break off the relationship. Can you not go into resentment and despair, but stay close? What is important here is an understanding of what is possibly happening to my loved one. Maybe this knowledge will help you: he feels very bad and ashamed inside, and therefore he cannot yet understand you and apologize. In therapy, contact is first created with the therapist. Each partner in a couple begins to gradually realize what is happening to him. How the feelings experienced, under the influence of the meanings assigned by the person himself, control his behavior. When he begins to feel understood and accepted by the therapist, there is more peace and clarity. Only after this does he begin to notice his partner, his feelings and intentions. And he will begin to get involved and respond..