When young children are denied what they want, criticized, misunderstood, or even simply unsympathized with, they feel hurt. And in such cases, their first instinct will be to cry or start getting angry. We all understand that if a person cries, it means he is in pain, but much fewer of us realize that anger is also a reaction to pain, a perceived threat to our ego. When we feel insulted or unfairly treated, we become angry and swear at others, which is actually a desperate attempt to hide this pain and vulnerability. Like children, many adults cannot directly say that their feelings are hurt, that they are hurt and hurt. , and all that can be done is swear at others. Let's get back to the children again. It is clear that they have not yet developed the emotional self-regulation skills that would help them effectively cope with mental pain. Given their limited ability to not only understand their emotions, but also to communicate them, they are largely forced to “act out” them through behavior. The only way they can express their feelings is to put them out there. And that is why children in such situations begin to whine, become indignant or cry. However, as adults, we learn self-control, behave in a socially acceptable manner, and, as a result, restrain the manifestation of our emotions “in public.” And yet, when something triggers us and makes us feel threatened, especially if it comes from those we are close to, such as our partner, many of us tend to instantly regress to our childish selves. At such moments, we are not much different from children: we sulk, withdraw into ourselves, rush to defend ourselves, raise our voices and violently accuse in response. Remember the phrase “The best defense is an attack?” And so, when we feel rejected or blamed for something, we often simply block our hidden fears, self-doubt, turning them on others in the form of anger, attacking as a defense. The problem is that, being overwhelmed by anger, we can no longer objectively assess the situation, see the point of view of another, or think about the consequences. We assume (and in most cases, without sufficient evidence) that our partner was deliberately going to harm us. Because we are in pain. Therefore, all our efforts are aimed at fighting back and protecting ourselves from the “offender.” But how to react correctly in such situations and how to process this anger? I’ll tell you in the second part.