I won't tell you how important the first impression is, it's obvious. We all want to be liked, we want to win over a new acquaintance, a future boss, or a team in which we will work. Opening any book on psychology, you will read that the impression of a person is formed in the first seconds of meeting, and then has a great influence on the development of relationships, forms an opinion about you in the eyes of others. No wonder the phrase “whatever you call a yacht, so it will float” has already become popular. Therefore, how you declare yourself at the beginning is how they will think about you. Rule one - create a new story about yourself and let them believe it. I have a friend who was an ugly duckling at school. The girl considered herself too tall, slouched, wore flat shoes, and endured ridicule and bullying from her classmates. But now school was over, the first day at the institute and meeting my future classmates was ahead. Do you know what she did? I went to the store and bought myself shoes with 10-centimeter heels, a stylish dress that fit my figure, and so I showed up at the institute. Of course, at first she herself was not accustomed to such a drastic change in image, but the approving glances of her new acquaintances helped her believe that problems and complexes existed primarily in her head, and her classmates were simply broadcasting them. And here the girl created a new story for herself. It is necessary, even necessary, to declare yourself advantageously, but you should do it wisely. People often ask me: how do people like me? Why do I behave in such a way that I push everyone away? This almost always happens because a person is too fixated on himself, on his excitement, he tries too hard to please. Let's take everything into pieces. The first thing to do is assess the situation. Every society has its own norms. So, a guy in a leather biker jacket with a bottle of beer in his hand will pass for one in a biker crowd, but will feel out of place in another company. I’m exaggerating this, of course, but you need to understand first of all: where I’m going, what kind of people I’ll meet there, what they’ll pay attention to first. The fact is that we all like people who are similar to us. We feel comfortable and at ease with them. And if, for example, you go to meet the parents of your boyfriend, and they are artists, test the waters a little, read about exhibitions and cultural events that take place in the city. Try to be on the same page with new acquaintances, and not deliberately demonstrate that you, for example, are a lawyer and read only professional literature. A smile is the key to all doors. We assessed the situation, collected information - we move on. So you enter the room, say hello, and what should you do first? That's right - smile. It sounds so corny, but it always works flawlessly. I remember how, at one of the trainings, a complete stranger from the doorway smiled broadly and sincerely at me. From that very moment I liked her. The other participants looked serious, some even gloomy, but this woman stood out so favorably against their background with just one smile. Later, in the process of communication, even when she said things with which I did not agree, the sympathy still did not disappear; on the contrary, I tried to somehow understand her, to hear her. You probably noticed that everyone is attracted to positive people, passionate. But there is a catch to this. If you want to make a good first impression, don’t get too carried away with yourself. People are primarily interested in themselves. Therefore, not only speak, but listen to your interlocutor sincerely and with interest. If, for example, you are on a date and chatter incessantly, is it any wonder that they no longer want to meet with you and do not call you back? There are a number of topics that are best not discussed when meeting you. Never, remember, never scold former employers, partners, husbands, friends. This all works against you. If you say: my former boss is a scoundrel, and my partner is a deceiver (a liar), a new interlocutorautomatically transfers this projection to itself. Remember and say only good things, at least neutral ones. To become successful, train. What to do with bad experiences? Well, it happens that this is your hundred and first first date and after each meeting you hope, believe, but they don’t call you back. You are sitting in front of a new acquaintance with a sad look, but in your fantasy he didn’t call you back and everything ended as usual. No, things won’t work that way, let’s get out of this vicious circle. The first thing you need to do is stop slandering yourself. Each of us is a multifaceted personality, each has its winning sides that are sure to attract attention. There is no need to deceive yourself. Just think about what is good about you and praise yourself for it. Play out a positive scenario in your head: that the date or meeting has already passed and everything ended wonderfully. If your imagination doesn’t work very well, let’s practice. Straighten your shoulders, take a deep breath, put on clothes that make you look great, go to the mirror and record this state, right down to your facial expressions and the sparkle in your eyes. Now try walking with this look to the cafe where you have an appointment. Happened? Great! Next time we give ourselves the mindset that we will last even longer. Observe yourself as if from the outside, remember that you are a wonderful person who is valuable and interesting. Any model of successful behavior is well trained. Another “key” is to notice the good in people, don’t just notice, but tell them about it. I have a friend who can even approach a stranger on the street and give a compliment. She easily messages talented people on social media and praises them for what they create. Her motto: if you see good in a person, be sure to tell them. Don’t be afraid to admit your weaknesses. Now let’s move on from theory to practice. Many, after reading my advice, will say, yes, this is all good, but what should I do if before each new meeting I shake, everything flies out of my head and I behave stupidly and unnaturally. Let’s, first of all, understand that if a person is waiting - he is already interested in you. The meeting is not just your initiative. Each of you is an equal participant in the process. This is how you should perceive and position yourself when meeting someone. And now about the excitement. Don't try to get rid of it completely. The most effective thing is to express emotions, in other words, to admit to your interlocutor that you are worried. Have you noticed how cute Hollywood celebrities look when they go on stage to receive an award with a piece of paper in their hand and sincerely admit that they are very worried? Such openness is never a disadvantage. Don’t be afraid to show your weaknesses. Actress Renata Litvinova once said: “People have never loved me as much as when I was in a cast.” Don’t play Superman, always remain yourself, honest and open. Playing scouts Another technique that helps well is called “to scout out the situation.” If the anxiety is too strong and difficult to cope with, come to the meeting early. Look around the place, get used to the surroundings. If we are talking about a date, it doesn’t matter - romantic or business, arrange it in a cafe where you often go. Prepare an information safety net for yourself: find out as much as possible about the person or company. This will make you feel more relaxed. It is a myth that people do not like to be bothered. Perhaps requests that are too complex cause a negative reaction. Ask for advice, find out what is best to order for dinner at this restaurant. Help like this always brings us closer together. At trainings, I often ask for help in arranging chairs for me; this immediately transforms formal relations into more friendly ones. If you come to visit for the first time, ask how you can be useful, this will help you switch gears and worry less. It happens that you have already said something stupid or there was an awkward pause during communication. Try to defuse the situation with a neutral remark. Complain about the heat, smile, ask for a glass of water, maybe even drop your pencil. The main thing is to remove