- No matter what I do, everything is wrong for her! You gave it wrong, you gave it at the wrong time, that’s not how you deal with a child! Sometimes it seems that the hail of reproaches and claims is endless! - Vladimir* told about his relationship with his wife. The young man Victor*, collected, serious, seemingly very active, talked about his situation at work: - At first I took on new projects responsibly and with great interest, did them well and connected them to this other employees. But there were more and more projects, the bar that must be met rose higher and higher, while the criteria for compliance and quality in general were changing all the time. Lately, the boss often offers something new at the end of the working day, sends a bunch of plates for reports and analytics. My favorite job began to turn into some kind of hopeless and terrible! All these indignations can be combined into one thing - it becomes unbearable for a person to live in constant criticism, reproaches and unrealistic tasks. Why can Vladimir’s wife, Victor’s boss and other characters behave this way and what about what to do with this? I’ll tell you about it in video and in written format. Write which one suits you best? A person can indeed be constantly unheard. Perhaps he does not know how to formulate a wish, or his opponent all the time hears only what he wants. Invite him to clearly name his wishes, summarize them and think about what he really wants from a partner. It will be great if he writes this. This technique will help him to realize what he really needs. In the above example, Vladimir and his wife discussed this at a psychological session. With the help of the right questions, the woman came to the conclusion that she simply really wanted to be alone for at least an hour a day, without everyone, and she expected help from Vladimir in precisely this. Having realized this need, Vladimir went to meet his wife, and their relationship began to improve. Next, you need to assess your capabilities and readiness to fulfill these wishes and meet the formulated criteria. And move on to discussing details and mutual benefits. Second reason. Perhaps your partner has some kind of narcissistic personality disorder. He/she always wants to be on top, the best, and is simply unable to allow himself to feel bad due to his psycho-emotional problems. In case of failures, all that remains is not to admit your mistakes and shortcomings, but to make others feel bad. I talked about this phenomenon in more detail in the article: The horror of a narcissist, projective identifications, or why the devil wears Prada How do you understand that this is point two? Observe claims and tasks. Are they logical, justified, do they have clear criteria for compliance? What to do if this is still point two: - work out relationships and interactions with a psychologist; - separate yourself from the problematic psyche of your partner and not take what is happening personally; - play along with your partner, bringing his demands to the point of absurdity. Meeting on Friday after 6pm? Let’s not disperse so quickly, because we haven’t discussed so many ideas and plans yet! - think about how long you have been subjected to such pressure, if it’s been for a long time, then you need to work through your need for such relationships and situations. I wish you harmonious relationships and happy everyday life! If the article was useful, please like and subscribe!_____ *Client names have been changed, confidentiality has been maintained, consent to provide examples in publications has been obtained. You can sign up for a consultation with me here via PM or WhatsApp +7 (916) 694-42-28