Could you completely abandon manipulation in communication? Now I can say to myself that I’m not sure. I'm not sure I can do it completely. Well, of course, I can say that: “everything since Monday, no, no!” But something tells me that everything will only be limited to Monday. Why am I so pessimistic about getting rid of manipulation? Because in my opinion, the need to use manipulation is not a switch with “ON / OFF” positions, but a smooth adjustment from 0% to 100%, where zero percent means no manipulation at all, and 100% means all communication consists entirely of manipulation. Then how much manipulation is there in my life now? I periodically ask myself this question. There is as much manipulation as I am able to realize its harm to relationships. Yes, for me manipulation is about relationships with people. But before going a little deeper into the topic. - what is manipulation? My favorite definition of manipulation: “Manipulation is an attempt to get what you want from another person, without saying what exactly it is.” So why not tell the other person openly what you want.” get what goal do you want to achieve? The main problem is trust. It turns out that if I manipulate another person, then I don’t trust the person enough to allow him to make a decision himself. Fear arises - what if he refuses? And then: “No, it’s better for me to completely control him and not let him “make a mistake”! About the methods and techniques of manipulation is a separate big topic, but it’s worth paying attention to the idea of ​​Frederick Perls, when in a pair of two manipulators he singles out the one who is “from above” (tyrant) and who is “from below” (victim). Who is on top - hides his helplessness behind aggressive control, who is from below - on the contrary, flaunts his helplessness. What kind of helplessness is this and why is it difficult for a manipulator to refuse manipulation? ?The main feeling of a manipulator is distrust of the world. Yes, this distrust is certainly associated with basal trust (according to E. Erikson), which is formed during early childhood when communicating with parents, primarily with the mother. But for adult trust to be formed. world and the ability to trust other people on the principles of a healthy partnership, it is still necessary to live through certain stages. As a result of living through these stages and growing up, the world is not perceived as hostile or as “wrong”, which urgently needs to be changed. An adult accepts the laws of this world and sees the world. just the way he is. Again, to a certain extent, because it is hardly possible to completely 100% get rid of all your illusions and psychological defenses (let’s try to be honest). Then the question of “to manipulate or not to manipulate” comes down to finding out for yourself - what are the pros and cons of both. The easiest way to answer this question is to try to remember situations when you were manipulated. Do you remember the sensations? Personally, I have a feeling of stickiness, deception, and rejection of another manipulator. In this act of manipulation, relationships certainly suffer, namely the quality of relationships, their trust. If relationships are not something important to you, skip this video (a common manipulation technique in video advertising). In a person’s life there are several areas in which influence relationships manifest themselves in full force: - family; - love relationships; - work; - friends. Could you tell us how much manipulation harms relationships in these four areas? What other areas of life could you name where relationships are extremely important? Sign up for a consultationTelegram channel "About relationships" >> Get a recording of the intensive "How to make relationships warm" <<