Today we will talk about self-esteem: what it is, what violates it and how to solve the problem of self-esteem. Think about the word itself - “self-esteem”, that is, we seem to evaluate ourselves: what we are worth, what we can, what we can do. This is knowledge about yourself. So why does “evaluation itself” depend so much on the opinions of others? On whom does our self-assessment depend? Some people believe that they have low self-esteem, others that it is high, although usually in the case of so-called “high” self-esteem, a person learns about this from others when he hears: “You think too highly of yourself.” It's all lyrics. Self-esteem can be adequate or inadequate. Adequate is when your knowledge about yourself corresponds to reality. For example, you think that you ride a bicycle very well, do quick mental math, and are a helpful person. Aaaand - attention! – those around you must agree with you!!! Your knowledge about yourself must correspond to reality. But in fact - the opinion of others. And now tell me, where is self-esteem? It turns out that our self-esteem is the result of someone’s opinion of us. And now – attention – the question: whose? I think you can already guess. Is it true? Inflated self-esteem develops when parents praise a child even when he has done some kind of garbage, but what a waste!!! A child who is praised with or without reason develops a picture of himself that he is super special. Whatever he did is a masterpiece! On the one hand, well, he thinks so, well, okay. But he demands that everyone think so. But everyone disagrees. And problems arise in relationships. The opposite story is low self-esteem: “I’m an insignificant worm who is not capable of anything, can’t do anything, everything I do is garbage and don’t reassure me!” It is useless to prove otherwise. If someone praises, then they are definitely lying. This attitude towards oneself develops when, for example, parents devalue, criticize and are always dissatisfied: “Only the dumbest person in the world could take second place in the city Olympiad in physics.” Our parents, grandparents or other close people who participated in our upbringing create the basis for our attitude towards ourselves. At first, we actually hear their statements with all the accompanying things: tone of voice, facial expression, epithets. Then these phrases sound inside us - the so-called “inner parent” does not forget to remind us from where our hands grow or, conversely, that “these sheep” simply have not matured enough to understand the depth of our thoughts and the genius of the proposed solution. Well, then, we don’t hear a detailed internal dialogue, there is a given: “I am a nonentity” or “I am a gift to all humanity.” All events are perceived through the prism of attitude towards oneself and reinforce it. If something happens to a person with low self-esteem, he perceives it as an accident. If it didn’t work out, then it was expected; it couldn’t be any other way with him. If self-esteem scales to the top, then it’s a failure, because someone interfered, the stars didn’t align well, the world is conspiring against him. If it worked out, then so it should be, because he is a genius. And others are simply jealous or cling to his success. And the fact that the diploma was written for him, he himself could have done better, but there was no time. And there is sort of a beast called “adequate self-esteem.” This is a special game. It allows me to be flexible. Where necessary, I am a modest person with deep eyes, and somewhere I am an assertive and courageous genius. But if you make a mistake with your reaction, then your self-esteem falls into the abyss. For a while until I recover. Games with self-esteem are endless and hopeless, because in them we always depend on the opinions of others. You will always try to prove to yourself, your parents, that Vasya that everything is fine with you or that you are better than someone else. And there will always be someone who proves the opposite. Self-esteem manifests an attitude towards oneself, nuclear attitudes about oneself. Through it you know not what you are, but how you feel about yourself. If it slows you down, triggers you, or puts you into a stupor, then it’s time to change. For +79689377788