Children and parents are the best manipulators. Parents are sacred. Children are the flowers of life. Yes, homo sapiens loves pathetic expressions. So these “saints” and “flowers” ​​can be the most important manipulators in a person’s life. Because: “Dear blood!” First, a person has a feeling of guilt: “I owe my parents,” then he adds: “I didn’t give something to my children,” and later, both together. Part of life, from the very childhood, a person listens to his parents “poking” him with their sleepless nights because of diapers and illnesses, with food, clothing, education, accusing him of ingratitude. The second part of life, a person makes excuses to his children that he did not provide enough clothing, food, education, time, love, warmth, a separate apartment, finally. In the third part of his life, he is plagued by a combination of feelings of guilt towards his parents and children. Let's look at this issue more closely. Let's try to honestly discuss this problem without prejudice, pity and hypocrisy. We will operate with hard facts. After all, if you look at the truth, it turns out that there are no unselfish people. Everyone only does what is personally beneficial for them. Even when a person gives alms on the porch or sacrifices himself for the sake of another, he also takes care of himself, serves one of his needs. Whether it’s a feeling of neediness or vanity, it doesn’t matter, the main thing is that he quenched his inner psychological thirst. Let’s look at the situation from the child’s perspective. Did he ask him to give birth? No. Did he ask his parents not to sleep at night? No. Did he ask you to take care of him? No. That is, his birth did not DEPEND on him, he did not need it and did not insist. Each of the parents has his own reasons for having a child, but they are all united by one thing - the natural sexual instinct (reproduction). This is when a living creature has a need to procreate, to pass on its genes for the continuation of offspring, so that the population does not disappear from the face of the earth. Everyone wants to see how genes are combined, whose baby’s nose and eyes will be, who he will be more like: mom, dad or great-grandfather. Plus, selfish motives are added to this: - there will be someone to take care of in old age, - to strengthen family ties, - social pressure: “The clock is ticking, it’s time,” - to keep a partner close, - there will be someone to give your love, - there will be someone to get it from - the desire to show your parents how to raise them, - there will be someone to implement the unrealized plans of the parents, - to spite their former partners. And this list is endless. Unfortunately, there is little there that would speak about the child himself. If we think sensibly, then understanding all the difficulties of life’s path, and having walked along this difficult road, where illness, cruelty, injustice, violence, and difficulties are encountered, producing your own kind so that they undergo the same tests is quite strange and cruel, don’t you think? And even more so to give birth to a child without his consent, and then reproach him. If we speak figuratively, then: “I rode on these roller coasters, I got a lot of painful bumps, but now you live, ride. And, by the way, you owe me for this.” Yes, someone thinks that not everyone had “slides” and “bumps”, they say, someone rolled like cheese in butter, but, as practice shows, everyone has. If we don't know about other people's problems, it doesn't mean they don't exist. But, knowing all human weaknesses and vices, instincts, we can safely say that from time to time life “flies” to everyone. Troubles spare neither the poor nor the rich, neither the young nor the old, neither the smart nor the stupid. Yes, not equally, some more, some less. But it’s a fact that everyone gets nuts from life. Now let’s generalize. The parent gives birth to a child without his consent, “uses” him for his own personal purposes, even if not consciously, and then begins to present the child with some bills for debts that he did not even know about. Typically, these debts are incurred during adolescence, when the child begins to understand the unfair rules of the game and rebel.He makes attempts to put the puzzles together into a single picture. Correlates the words of adults, including parents, with their actions and detects hypocrisy in them. “You can’t smoke,” but he smokes. “You can’t drink alcohol,” and he himself - every Friday. “You can’t lie,” but he lies at every turn. The teenager begins to see all the manipulations of adults with each other, which have nothing to do with honesty, trust, and mutual understanding. For example, he sees his mother, who is offended by her father, and forgives him for his bad deed for a gift or money. Or, just as a father does not protect his child from the mother’s unfair attacks, just so as not to get hurt by her himself, he shows cowardice. Of course, later the teenager himself will use these tactics, but now they are disgusting to him, in fact, like the parents themselves. He continues to love them, but suffers. He needs to get used to reality and then everything will be “okay”, because everyone has passed through this road - from childhood to adulthood. And now is the time to ask the teenager: “Did you think you were in a fairy tale? Yes, these are the realities.” During adolescence, new demands and obligations are piled on a person, and if he refuses to fulfill them, he hears complaints from adults. It dawns on him that it turns out he was born for a reason, all this time he was accumulating debts without knowing it. And now that he has matured, it’s time to pay the bills, so to speak, to work off his parents’ sleepless nights and feeding. And so on until the death of their parents. Of course, there are cases when parents manage to maintain a balance in their upbringing, and their children grow up with a minimum number of complaints against mom and dad, but, unfortunately, they are few in number. As a rule, small, but still grievances remain in children’s memory, even if they are not reprimanded to their parents. Over time, unpleasant moments are forgiven and forgotten, but a residue remains. Yes, “parents are saints,” but, as you see, they are not selfless beings. Benefits are also unconscious and therefore difficult to detect. And finding them does not mean recognizing them, much less renouncing them. And these are normal life procedures. They are also children of nature and also try in every possible way to adapt to the environment. And no one blames anyone. You just need to look at things soberly and not allow parental blackmail, especially if it harms a person’s personal life. Even under the guise of caring, mom and dad can promote their interests by pressing the right “buttons.” After all, it was the parents who created these “buttons.” Now these triggers (neural connections in the brain) fire unmistakably. Therefore, a person receives the most painful “injections” from close people, because they know very well where to “inject” for better effect and obedience. And so every child has to grow up and have children himself, and also listen to more than a dozen complaints. Like his parents, he will also create “buttons” for his children so that they will work when necessary. Such is life! Now consider the position of an adult. If the birth of the child did not depend on him, then the parents bear full RESPONSIBILITY for the decision to have children. This means that they are simply obliged, at least until the age of twenty-one, to provide him with material and spiritual means for survival in the world. And the parents have the task of giving the child everything he needs, and what about trifles - the best. It is imperative to provide him with , something that was not there in their own childhood, and they missed it so much. After all, if you give him this, then he will certainly be happier than them. This is why they - the parents - live so poorly now, but because they didn’t have many toys, holidays abroad, super holidays, branded clothing, parental love, higher education, etc.. And their child will have everything. And that’s what’s more not the entire list of parental wishes. But dreams are dreams, and the whole list is difficult to bring to life. The real always limps on one leg, losses in the list are inevitable. Yes, it may be possible to provide the material, but the spiritual will suffer. Or vice versa. It is not always possible to maintain a balance. But where.