From the author: This is part of the article “Money. The therapist’s identity: boundaries and limitations” Fully published in the journal of the East European Association of Existential Therapy “EXISTENTIA: psychology and psychotherapy” 2011 (4) p. 216-231Missed meetings. Missed appointments without timely notification by the client are paid. In this case, most often the reason for the omission is not important. But the client must know about this condition in advance. I do not warn clients about paying for missed appointments until precedent. I don't do this because... in a conversation about something that doesn’t exist yet, I see more of the therapist’s concern for himself. Without precedent, for me this condition seems one-sided, indicating inequality. This, of course, is my subjective experience. In most cases in my practice, clients do not miss appointments. When this does happen, it is important to convey to the client a therapeutic understanding of a person’s responsibility for his time, for his circumstances, using this specific example. It is important to help the client understand that in accepting this condition - payment for missed meetings - our respect for him, our faith in his independence and worth. Also in accepting this condition is his respect for our time, trust in the therapy process. Clients with whom we have such an agreement take care of my time and warn in advance about changes in their lives that would cause the meeting to be cancelled. When it doesn’t work out on time, they always pay, showing internal agreement to such a situation. In my practice, there were two cases when I missed meetings. Both of these cases were indicative of my difficulties with clients at that moment. Both cases were supervised. I would like to share how the payment issue was resolved. In the first case, the client called an hour and fifteen minutes after I didn’t show up. She was sure that she was the one who got the time wrong. 20 minutes after the call I was in my office. In response to my offer to discuss the cost of the time she spent waiting for me, the client gratefully told me how useful it was for her to spend this time in this way. I appreciated this time as therapy. Fortunately, the result of my resistance - displacement and my absence at the appointed hour - did not harm the client in that case. Moreover, this talented lady used my mistake to her advantage. I was ready to pay the client with my own money, but after discussion it became obvious that the implementation of this willingness of mine was inappropriate. In the case of another client, I forgot about the meeting, which was already the nineteenth in our relationship. The meetings took place at the same time, and you had to manage to forget. The reason for such strong resistance was that I underestimated the importance and difficulty for me of the realities that the client shared in the previous meeting. We rescheduled this therapeutic hour that I missed to the next day. I didn't take the money. This was my fee for the missed appointment. The client, out of politeness, initially refused this proposal, but, in fact, agreed with it. The conditions must apply both ways. Equality in relationships was important to him, like me. And this equality must be concretely manifested and confirmed in difficult situations. “I forgot my money.” Situations when a client has forgotten money or does not have it, in my opinion, are similar for a therapist. There is a prospect - you won’t get paid for your work today. Then the question arises: is there anything to pay for? Maybe the job is such that there is nothing to pay for? At least the client may think so. There is a fact, the reason is not important. And the fact is - today there are zero rubles for a consultation. And it doesn’t matter that the client will give the money at the next meeting. But right now – they are not there. This situation can promote professional growth. It is also important for an experienced therapist to be in a state of holding onto the possibility that this work of ours is worthless. Some depression, which the therapist should deliberately aggravate, may bringfruits: will help you realize the degree of your doubt and the strength of your confidence. Undervaluation leads to revaluation, to the realized value of one’s work, one’s profession. Perhaps there will be questions for supervision, topics for personal therapy. Precedents where clients have no money at the time of consultation are quite rare. In all of these rare cases, I worked with clients. There was no desire to refuse to work, because in those specific cases I did not see the point in doing it. I admit that in some hypothetical case, refusal could be useful for the client. In a relationship with one client with whom we had a long-term contract, there were several instances of consultations “on credit” each time, seemingly for different reasons. We can talk about this client as an addict. His behavior contained manipulative and demonstrative manifestations. He wanted to shake up the boundaries and orders in therapy - this is how his life difficulties manifested themselves in our relationship. One of the tasks I kept with this client was the creation of rules, boundaries. And this could not happen simply by agreement, because... the client, with all his “guts,” unconsciously, was against this. Therefore, we followed a certain path to order. In situations of lack of money, an exacerbation of his symptoms manifested itself. With this client, it was not always even worthwhile to stop discussing this fact “right now”. I just noted to myself that, unfortunately, it’s still a struggle. And in our struggle for order, I am forced to retreat. When one of my clients forgot her money, among other things, I was happy too. I was happy because this client followed a very strict rule - not to be in debt to anyone. Social connections with people who were not part of a narrow circle of very close ones were difficult for her. She wanted to bring the money right away that same day. I suggested holding off—staying “in debt” for a week and trusting me. At least in order to realize the meaning of the saying - “I may dig, I may not dig.” So, the therapist can use the fact that the client does not pay for the consultation on the day of the meeting as a sign, a signal. This sometimes means a real lack of value, a lack of value in therapy for the client. This could be an accident, an accident, a misunderstanding that requires an adequate response. This situation manifests itself differently for each client and moves the therapist in the direction of active reflection or supervision. How money is given away. How does money come from? The timing of the transfer of money is important. There is a lot of information in these seconds. I once noted that I always get up before taking money. Transferring money is a certain border between the therapeutic space and real life. The client gets up in sync with me. He takes out the money he had prepared in advance from his pocket. While handing it over, he looks into the eyes. Respectfully, restrainedly he says: “Thank you.” I'm calm. Respect is mutual. We are still business partners, coherence is in the process. At this distance there are no problems between us. What if it’s closer? Who is against a closer distance now - him or me? The questions become especially relevant given the client's difficulties in close relationships. The client has her back to me, looking in her bag. He takes out, not money, but a comb. I wrap both hands with my palms facing up, placing them at approximately shoulder level. Demonstrating both surprise and willingness to take money. "Oh yes. I’ll pay now,” he says. She is stalling for time, showing her dissatisfaction. Something is left unsaid. Next time, it is important to help her choose topics more consciously during our meeting. To more clearly note what we spend time on and how she manages it. Although, I believe, in this situation there is no need to say much: what is important is the action, the non-verbal manifestations of both. But sometimes, when I want, at the very moment of the transfer I ask one of the questions: “How is the money given? How to part with them? With what feeling? What are you paying for today? For me, the most pleasant money is when we_2/