“Codependency”, “codependent”, “codependent relationships” - these terms are now used very often. There are many definitions of what it is, but hardly anyone has an exact explanation will be able to give. Clients talk about codependency as something that causes pain and suffering in relationships, the inability to complete or change such relationships. It turns out that codependency includes three components: 1. relationships2. dependence itself (on something or someone) 3. suffering (painful experiences about a relationship or partner) Relationships with an alcoholic, workaholic, tyrant, gambling addict are all about codependency. In such relationships there is no direct discussion of personal and interpersonal problems. They lack trust, directness and openness. Relationships are built either on dysfunctional communication or manipulation. Each participant is dependent on the partner, because this is precisely the attitude towards himself that he subconsciously expects. Because he doesn’t know anything else. Codependent relationships are painful and empty, but despite the apparent absurdity, it is very difficult to get out of them. The program “I will save him (her)”, “I will help him (her)”, “without me he (she) will be lost”, “if I love him (her) everything will change”, etc. is activated. Codependent people can become completely involved in the problems, pain, lives and actions of other people. As people around us become more and more buried in their problems, addictions, and emotions, codependents react even more intensely. All these patterns of behavior do not lead to peace and happiness with the most important person in our lives - ourselves. Of course, codependency does not is born out of nowhere and, like all phenomena, has a cause. It is easy to guess that the prototype of any relationship is laid in childhood with significant adults. Once upon a time, the child chose exactly this behavior in order to satisfy his attention in the love and attention of his parents. What we learned in childhood, we carry over into adulthood. This type of relationship is especially typical for children ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) whose parents or one of them suffered from alcohol or any other addiction. But the sad truth is that: Codependency is a way of seeking satisfaction of needs that does not satisfy the needs. In some literary sources you can find that codependency is a disease. The reasons why codependency is considered a disease: strong reaction and involvement in the disease (dependence) of another, progression. As those around them become more sick (dependent), codependents react more and more intensely, codependent behavior leads to self-destruction, and in some cases, to death. For example, trying to save an alcoholic, his wife may: - expose herself to risk and danger, - deny your own problems and desires, - take on more tasks and responsibilities, - isolate yourself from society and loved ones, - constantly be under stress. If codependency is a disease, then there is a possibility of its healing. And here the opinions of experts differ. Some argue that it is impossible to get rid of codependency, others instill hope. I believe that it is possible to get out of the shackles of codependency. “Recovery” is based on the attitude that every codependent has, but which is so difficult to understand and let go: every adult is responsible for himself for myself. It is also very important to learn not to react to others, but to act in healthier ways. Yes, there may be relapses into old forms of behavior, but this is much better than not giving yourself a chance and living your whole life in a toxic environment. At the very least, you will learn to track at what moments you fall into an addictive state, why and what to do about it. Forewarned is forearmed, the next step will be your conscious choice.