A young man wants a girl - a common situation. But what does he start doing? Love right away? No, first be friends or demonstrate friendly disposition. There is a healthy sexual attraction that needs to be properly formalized and named. Why not - friendship or love? You can think of something more beautiful: “I loved you, that’s why I want you!” That's right, girls like this interpretation more. What actually is the basis of friendship and love? To begin with, a definition. What is friendship? I want to say right away that there is no clear definition, and probably there cannot be one. To begin with, I will give this: “FRIENDSHIP is one of the types of personal relationships. Unlike functional, business relationships, where one person uses the other as a means to achieve some goal, friendship is valuable in itself, it is a good in itself; friends help each other selflessly, “not for service, but for friendship.” Unlike consanguinity, family closeness and from partnership, the members of which are bound by common affiliation and bonds of group solidarity, friendship is individually selective, free and based on mutual sympathy. Unlike superficial friendship, friendship is a deep and intimate relationship, implying not only loyalty and mutual assistance, but also inner closeness, frankness, trust, and love. It’s not for nothing that we call a friend our alter ego (“another self”). By the nature of its motivation, friendship also differs from love-erotic, sexual feelings and relationships.” Encyclopedia "Around the World". Everything comes together in this definition, self-worth, sympathy, selflessness, intimacy, trust, love. Let's take a look. Friendship is “valuable in itself, it is a good in itself; friends help each other selflessly, “not for service, but for friendship.” There is a suspicion that this formulation is a common romantic cliche, beautiful, strong, glorified in films, poems and novels, but far from reality. Not every friendship is a blessing, and in itself it is worth nothing without being filled with specific actions, deeds, as well as an understanding of the motives for these actions. There is no more common manipulation than the phrase “not for service, but for friendship,” for example: - “take my mother-in-law to the airport.” It seems like a friend, it’s not convenient to refuse, I’ll take you. This phrase refers to the learned cliche - you should always help a friend. So at one party in a club, one young man approached another and asked to keep a small bag in his pocket, otherwise the riot police would come, he explained, because I have a criminal record: “not for service, but for friendship,” we are friends. The second friend took the package, and, accordingly, was imprisoned for eight years for possession and distribution of narcotic drugs on an especially large scale. That’s right, I needed to help a friend. The phrase “friends help each other selflessly” sounds beautiful and convincing. Yes, as a rule, they don’t take money, but they know that today I will selflessly help you, and tomorrow you will help me. If one constantly disinterestedly provides services, and the other does nothing in return, then complaints appear - you are a bad friend. In other words, there is an exchange of mutually beneficial services; if such an exchange is honest, then good, people are disinterestedly friends, but if not, then the friendship may end. Why have a friend who is unreliable, that is, there is no hope of receiving help or support from him in return. Therefore, the word “selflessly” implies a simple truth: friends do not do good deeds for money, but they hope for reciprocal services. “Friendship is a deep and intimate relationship, implying not only loyalty and mutual assistance, but also inner closeness, frankness, trust, love.” . Everything is fine, all that remains is to define what “loyalty”, “internal intimacy”, “frankness”, “trust”, “love” are. It is not at all clear how friendship presupposes love. Which one? There are many types of love. One can assume - friendly love, but then, first, again, you need to define “love” and then formulate how friendly differs from unfriendly,probably enemy. Why do we need definitions that raise more questions than answers? Here’s a shorter one. Friendship is “close relationships based on mutual trust, affection, common interests” (Ozhegov’s Explanatory Dictionary). Let’s look at that too. Close relationships are an intuitive cliche, but I wonder how the closeness of a relationship is measured? Is there a degree of intimacy, and when does it cease to be so? With trust it is clearer, this is the belief that what is said and entrusted to a friend will not be used to harm the speaker. Attachment is dependence on any benefits, mental, material, emotional, that another person gives. Often attachments are painful; if a friend stops feeding him emotional experiences, is he no longer a friend? Is it possible to make a claim now? Common interests are probably the most accurate and most widespread definition of friendship. Friendship usually emerges from common interests. Sports, music, joint recreation, etc. This implies some activity that unites people, they are interested together, but a common cause is not unconditional and a sufficient basis for friendship. You can meet once a week, play football, and not be friends at the same time. In summary. Friendship is a type of personal relationship that implies a community of interests, mutual trust, exchange of services - mutual assistance. I think in further discussion it is correct to proceed from this definition, since it is at least somehow describes friendship, and most importantly, it is clear what it gives, in particular, to a young man who wants a girl. So, I wrote a definition, and how pleasant it was to discover that Francois La Rochefoucauld agreed with me: “What people usually call friendship is, in essence, only an alliance, the purpose of which is the mutual preservation of benefits and the exchange of good services; the most selfless friendship is nothing more than a deal in which our pride always expects to win something.” A young man becomes friends with a desired girl in the hope of getting sex, for which he needs to build trust, provide services, and find common interests. For example, going to the cinema, the theater - joint activities and common interests, sitting at home over a cup of tea (martini) - creating trust, then there may be a friendly massage, but then the friendship ends and now they are not friends, but lovers. In other words, all the actions of a young man formally fall under the definition of friendship, but, in essence, they are a way of obtaining the desired body. After all, there is nothing better than friendship that ends in sex, and most importantly, the girl is happy. There is always a reason to say that he did everything himself, I was friends with him, and he…. As if for a young lady, sex after friendship is a surprise. Sometimes, you can add theatrical emotions, for example: “he insidiously seduced me, who was trusting...”, “I didn’t think he was like that...”, “I didn’t know what I was doing, I trusted him so much...”, etc. But all these lamentations are possible if a girl does not want to continue having sex with a young man, and if both are satisfied with everything, then love begins. Many men intuitively realize that they can get to sex faster through friendship, and girls like friendship more to start a relationship , because it gives a lot of spiritual benefits, plus a feeling of security - he’s just a friend. One girl I know regularly “makes friends” with various young people, and by a strange coincidence, ends up in bed with them, either for a massage or just to spend the night. The strategy is very profitable and that’s why, she seems to have a permanent man with whom she has sex regularly, but on the other hand, she is always looking for other partners, so she “naively” begins to be friends with different young people. You can always tell your “regular” partner – this is my friend! You can even be frank: “Yes, he wants me, but I don’t.” But it’s more pleasant for her to realize that such behavior is not called the word that folk art bestows on such girls, but is quite normal – friendship. And even if she ends up in bed, then, excuse me, I was honestly friends, but/