From the author: Hysteria is a way to say something... Let's consider the various causes of hysterics and situations, their prevention and ways to cope with them. Very often, children's whims and hysterics arise as a result of physical discomfort or illness. Children, being between the ages of 1 and 3-4 years, do not yet distinguish and understand their bodily sensations very well. A child may experience physical pain, discomfort in the body as a result of skin irritation, an insect bite and not understand it. At the same time, you feel mental irritation, which you can still manifest in the form of screaming or crying. Hysterics can also be caused by a feeling of hunger, overwork, or lack of sleep. Very often, children's hysteria occurs as a result of physical fatigue and oversaturation (overexcitation of the nervous system). For example, when the child took a long trip, communicated with a large number of people, and had long-term entertainment activities. In this case, it is important to eliminate the cause of the hysteria and calm the baby. It is important to dose various activities, since at this age the baby’s psyche is not yet strong. The cause of tantrums is a lack of attention to your baby. Many children use hysterics to attract the attention of their parents. They want to be played with and be close to them all the time. It is important to note here that the reason for this can be two factors - the child is manipulating you, or your child has an excessive level of anxiety about being alone or is scared of something. And then it is necessary to gradually accustom the child to play independently, to develop the child’s interest in this, and also to clearly explain that you need to mind your own business, and at the moment you do not have the opportunity to play with him. At the same time, it is important that the child understands that now you will not play together, but, for example, in an hour you will be able to do something together. It is necessary to maintain a balance in your time together. And the older the baby gets, the more you shorten the pauses between your close interactions, and turn joint games into communication, walks or watching movies. In this way, the baby will develop a strong understanding that if mom (dad) and I separate for a while, we will meet, in this case, the level of anxiety will decrease and it will be easier for the baby to cope with his emotions and an interest in going about his own business will begin to appear. Time is important here, to accustom the child to such a regime. How does a child manage to manipulate with the help of hysterics. I think if you try to remember how a child once cleverly tricked you, you will understand that in his experience there is such a way to achieve his goal. The kid wanted something - extra candy, a toy in the store, not to sleep during the day, not to leave the playground, which is so interesting, and tells you “I want”, “I don’t want”, “I won’t go”, “I won’t”. What's happening to you. Already knowing that these are the first symptoms of a beginning hysteria, you begin to shrink in horror, it’s about to start! And here many parents, under the influence of this anxiety into which your little angel has driven you, say to themselves, “I’d better give in, otherwise it’s about to start,” and if this is also a public place, it will definitely be awkward for what’s happening, yes and to top it all off, as if by order, at a short distance from you there will be a sweet old lady who, with her lips pursed, will definitely tell you what a disgusting mother you are. Yes, what kind of upbringing is there already, I’d better do what my child wants, and then I’ll definitely punish him! And accumulate irritation and anger within yourself. What then to do in this situation? Firstly, at that very moment when the child scared you, and he is testing you, ask yourself the question, who is in charge here? And when you understand that the situation now depends on you, give your child clear restrictions - “no, now it will be as I said.” And it is important to remain calm at this moment, since your aggressive behavior may in response cause irritation and anger in the baby. Your “no” is good if you back it up with words of encouragement “II know that you want this, but it won’t work out now, it will happen another time.” This will help the child gain hope that “no” is not forever. In this way, you show your baby that you cannot be manipulated! Children's manipulations and tantrums often happen in discordant families. It is very important for all adult family members to agree on what to allow and what to prohibit the child, to act in concert, to support each other in upbringing, and not to discuss the child’s actions in his presence. Very often in families you can observe when one family member allows, for example, one more candy, another at the same moment forbids it, and the third says that they are all bad, I will pity you and give you two whole candies. Here, with such uncoordinated actions, such a family leads the child into complete confusion. First of all, try to develop a unified line of behavior. The child very quickly understands that some relatives allow him more than others, and cleverly begins to use this circumstance to his advantage. But in the end, the ever-shaky frames do not give him the opportunity to lean on them and disorient the baby. So it will be better for both the child and his relatives if they all live according to the same laws. However, sometimes it is very difficult to agree. Then you need to calmly explain to the child, without blaming or reproaching anyone: mom has one rules, and dad (nanny, grandmother, grandfather) has others. When you walk with your mother, please follow her rules. I myself!!! At the age of 2-3 years, the child begins to develop independence. During this period, we often hear from children “I myself”! But sometimes we don’t have time to wait for a purposeful baby to put on his tights for half an hour. This is where it’s good to ask yourself whether you really don’t have this time. Sometimes it happens that adults simply do not have the patience to wait. If you don’t have time, it’s good if you can ask the baby to get dressed in advance, or try to turn everything into a game and invite the baby to play who can get dressed faster. If, nevertheless, the child hears from you “You can’t!”, “Don’t go there!”, “Don’t touch!”, “Don’t you dare!”, “Stop it!”, then it’s not surprising that he’s trying to defend the right to independence. It is very important for a child to feel respect from his parents and recognition of his abilities. Try to listen to your child, expand the scope of his activities, give him more freedom. Respect his opinion and desire to be independent. After all, then you will have a very purposeful, responsible and persistent baby. Notice his efforts, tell him how proud you are of him and what a great guy he is. Go to the doctor! Very often in clinics some children stand calmly, while others start screaming on the first step. It is important to be honest with the child from the very beginning. Very often, parents tell their child, for example, before vaccination, “don’t be afraid, it won’t hurt, they will anoint your hand with beautiful paint, and you will leave.” But what kind of child is disappointed when he gets hurt! And next time, even if you go to have your child’s height measured, you get hysterical! It is very important to prepare the child in advance, explaining how important it is, what needs to be done, telling in advance how everything will happen, but that you will be there , you will regret it! And it is important, after painful procedures, to tell the child how brave and courageous he was! How proud you are of him! If a hysteria is already on the way. Your child has shown the first symptoms of a hysteria: he is indignant, demands, tears appear in his eyes. You feel that the child is about to burst into tears, he is close to hysterics. First of all, stop and honestly and accurately answer yourself one single question: can you fulfill his request? The tactics of your further actions depend on this. If you can, tell your child to calm down and ask you in a normal tone, without whining or sobbing. Practice shows that in small things it is better to meet the child halfway. Also, it is important sometimes to think about why I refuse this.to your child? Try to take his place and feel why he needs what he asks for? I'll give you an example. Your baby really wants to play in the ground, and you put on his most beautiful and expensive suit for a walk and are very proud of your baby, how wonderful he looks, all people turn to look at you and admire you. And then there's digging in the ground. Here, of course, it is important to choose whether to give your baby the opportunity to explore the world and come into contact with its different parts, or to take this interest away from him, and still enjoy the compliments. But then you have to deal with children’s whims, because at this age it doesn’t matter to a child what he looks like, it’s your interest! By the way, one of the most common reasons for hysteria is an adult’s prohibition. Try not to have too many prohibitions, but they are all clear and justified. Then it will be easier for the child to navigate among them. The hysteria has finally set in... At the moment when everything is already happening, it is useless for the child to explain or say anything, since he does not hear you. The child is in a state of passion. And here it is important: - to remain calm, although this, of course, is very difficult; - to notice out loud his feelings, “I see that you are upset, I notice that you are angry, I understand how much you want this, but now it is not possible “;- now it is no longer possible to give in, since your concession will tie together the moment of crying and the achievement of the desired result. The consequence is quite logical - you can achieve anything by crying; - you can try to pick up the child in your arms, hold him close and wait for it to end, expressing your sympathy, preferably with one frequently repeated phrase; - distract the child. The younger the child, the better this method works. A baby is able to forget about all the tears at the sight of a huge crow, car, airplane or balloon; - offer an adequate replacement. For example, like this. Now we can’t buy this airplane because I don’t have money. But on the other hand, we can come home and together make an airplane out of paper (make it out of plasticine, build it out of chairs, etc.). It is quite possible that the prospect of joint activities will be more attractive for the child than a ready-made store-bought toy. The main remedy for a child’s hysteria is not to fall into the same frenzy. Trying to remain calm, express your sympathy to the child: “I understand that you are angry now because we can’t buy you ...”, “I know how hurtful this is”, “When you calm down, we will discuss with you what happened.” The child will not hear you the first time, but by repeating this phrase twenty times, you will reach your baby and he will be grateful to you that you did not give free rein to your feelings (as you wanted)! Agree with the child, find out the reasons for his behavior; - if possible, forget that they are looking at you: these people themselves have more than once found themselves in a situation with a child’s tantrums; - when a storm strikes, do not reproach yourself, do not blame the child, him (grandmother, grandfather , father’s, mother’s, auntie’s) character, do not blame him for such behavior, because this will cause even more aggression in the baby. If this happens at home, put the young brawler on a chair with the words: “If you want to be capricious, be capricious on this capricious chair. And when you stop crying, come back and we’ll play.” After this, leave the room or, if this is not possible, pretend that you do not notice his tears. In this way, the child will understand that he cannot influence his parents with whims and hysterics. When Calm Comes...When the child calms down, discuss with him what happened. Tell us about your feelings during the scandal: how unpleasant it was for you, but you are glad that he was finally able to pull himself together. Explain that in this way he will not be able to achieve the desired result. When you both cool down, be sure to make up. For the baby, this simple ritual means a transition to a new, calm state. And then somehow try to play out different forms of behavior with toy people - first let the baby “voice” the toy child, and you – the mother, and.