Everyone at least a couple of times in their life has encountered the situation when a partner, parent or acquaintance, at the moment of a tense discussion or after a difficult dialogue, abruptly falls silent, ignores questions and does not react in any way on you. This happens suddenly, can last several hours or several days, and you only have to guess about the reasons, which causes severe discomfort and can lead to serious consequences for the psyche. This is a type of psychological violence, manipulation, which is also called “punishment by silence” or “punishment by silence.” Why are they silent? The main goal of the silent person is to demonstrate his displeasure so that the other “won’t do that again.” This shows a lot of power - “I will regulate our communication, and you will feel guilty, adapt to this and guess what exactly was unpleasant for me.” Often such behavior is not realized - when a person does not know how or does not want to talk about complex topics, communicate your discomfort and disagreement. And some people think that by remaining silent they are trying to “smooth out the conflict,” since unpleasant things are no longer discussed. But unconsciously, such a person still transmits the message: “my silence will be painful for you, but very effective in ensuring that you don’t do this again.” Consequences of punishment by silence First of all, punishment by silence leads to self-doubt, to the fact that the child begins to think that he is not loved at all and has been abandoned. And the need for love is a basic need, directly related to a sense of security. The child’s psyche cannot cope with the lack of security, and then a whole bundle of worries and worries is flooded and traumatized. This trauma is not similar to trauma from disasters or sudden events, but it feels no less painful and destructive. As a result of regular trauma, problems with self-esteem develop, excessive dependence on the opinions of others, excessive servility and subordination in relationships, background fears and anxieties appear. This is not allows a person to achieve harmonious relationships with other people, interferes with career advancement due to unstable self-esteem, and can lead to anxiety, panic and depressive disorders. Roots in childhood People resort to silence as punishment when they have already experienced such relationships. Very often these are children of parents who treated them in the same “effective” way, but in fact, humiliatingly. A person forgets about the details of such situations, about his own feelings of humiliation and the inability to influence the situation, but remembers the effectiveness, which he tries to reproduce with others. This is very traumatic for the especially vulnerable psyche of the child. Understatement always creates space for fantasy, and that is why transparency and honesty are healing - they protect you from the deepest fears and experiences, revealing even if unsightly, but understandable and therefore predictable reality. That is, it will be much healthier to tell the child “I’m angry with you now, and I need time,” than to ignore it. In unrequited attempts to clarify what is happening, the child feels anxiety, fear, guilt, and numbness. Such feelings destroy and make you doubt yourself, and pose a threat to self-esteem. And this is precisely what the silent parent achieves, even if he resorts to such ignoring unconsciously, he simply calls it in other words: “so he will understand for sure,” “let him know that it’s unpleasant for me,” “let him guess on his own, and next time it won’t happen.” behave this way." What to do instead of punishing silence If you are faced with the regular silence of another, find the strength and time to discuss it together. Such discussions are not always possible in the process of silence, so it is better to find conditions when you are heard and understood. Communicate your feelings, say how silence affects you, explain that you are ready to discuss difficult topics so that your relationship becomes stronger and more honest. Find out what is hidden behind the silence of your".