Until I was ten, I thought my name was “Shut Up.” Violence at school and at home. How we are taught to suffer. Ninth grade. Algebra lesson. Everyone froze, staring at the notebook. The class fell into silence - only the quiet buzzing of a fly at the window could be heard. The students were afraid, because now someone would be called. At such moments, everyone tries to pretend to be invisible - perhaps this is the only way to survive... Morally. - Ivanova, to the board! - thundered throughout the whole class. Ugh, everyone can relax for the next 15 minutes. How nice it would be if Ivanova stretched out her answer. And then we would start a new topic. This way, time will fly by, and others won’t be targeted until the desired call. “Well, Ivanova, let’s see what you’ve learned in 9 years at school.” If, of course, you studied at all,” Veronica Petrovna scoffed, looking contemptuously first at Ivanova, and then at the others. Modest Lena trudged to the board. Fear stuck in her throat like a big lump that she could neither swallow nor cough out. My heart was beating wildly, it became so hot that sweat appeared on my forehead. With a shaking hand, Lena took the chalk and looked at the teacher. Veronica Ivanovna was about sixty years old. She worked at the school from the very beginning, so her authority was ironclad. “Well, come on, Ivanova, show me what you’re capable of.” Maybe this time you can do it. Suddenly you realize that you need to prepare for lessons. Otherwise, you are an expert at putting on makeup and preening, but you don’t shine with knowledge, you don’t shine. Take your textbook, now we’ll look at the task that none of you were able to do at home. Open page two hundred thirty-seven, task number seven. Solve the equation that is written there. Oh, melancholy, melancholy. As if I need this! You need this! I learned all this a long time ago! At that moment, Ivanova dreamed of running away, flying away, falling through the ground. Her palms were sweaty, she was afraid to move, and in general it seemed as if her body was paralyzed. And an inner voice insisted that now there would be an Inquisition, and she, like Joan of Arc, would be burned at the stake. The bell is still very far away, so it will burn for a long time and painfully. Lena began to hesitantly write formulas on the board, while simultaneously looking back at the teacher, who clicked her tongue and rolled her eyes demonstratively. Soon Lenin's imagination ran out. She froze, barely breathing. Veronica Petrovna got up from the table, or rather rolled out and slowly walked towards the careless student. It was reminiscent of bowling, with a large ball rolling to knock down the pins. There should definitely be a strike here. - Well, what did I say? I knew you weren’t capable of anything! How did you only make it to ninth grade? You should have been kept for a second year. Two times! Look what she wrote. Hmmm. We don’t know basic things, Ivanova. Everyone, sit down. Which one of you is ready to show off your outstanding abilities next? – Veronica Petrovna quickly switched gears. Lena quietly slid to her seat. With every step she took, the same lump that was squeezing her throat became larger. Tears burned my eyes. She tried to hide them, not to show that she was hurt and offended. What is it? You sit and teach, but everything is the same! She is humiliated in front of everyone. And once again she tells herself that she will not allow herself to be treated this way again. *** When people talk about violence, they often mean physical injuries and completely forget about its psychological manifestations. We encounter violence at school and at home: we are shouted at, called names and humiliated. But we treat this as part of our life and do not perceive it. How, after all, we are taught to suffer, endure and swallow! In this chapter we will tell you how to learn to recognize when you are patient; how to live not according to the imposed scenario and we will give recommendations for improving relationships in the family. Children who endure violence at school and at home often experience enormous difficulties in their future lives. For them, any company, especially one consisting of strangers, will cause tension. It is difficult for them to build relationships, and every stress is simply unbearable. If a child is pressured by teachers,classmates bully and tease, and at home parents make comments and reproaches, then the child chooses a defensive position. He begins to see everyone as an enemy. Often this position is destructive both for the child himself and for those around him. Usually, children who are humiliated do not want to live at home, go to school, and try by any means to somehow skip classes, not come home on time, or stay late somewhere in order to delay the process of bullying. These children tend to run away from home, wander, or even get sick. They may develop psychosomatic reactions. They are expressed in headaches; a child may often catch a cold because at this moment they feel sorry for him and do not shout. Let's tell you how to interact with children and how to communicate with them so that they and you feel comfortable. It is very important for a child to be significant, important and unique; know that his family needs him. Children need to be supported, respected, loved, appreciated, told them that you are very happy that you have them. Tell me how long you have dreamed of having a child. It is necessary to give positive assessments: “You are my hero”, “You are my beauty” instead of negative ones, such as: “Wow, the little one is so fat, the little boar is running around”, “We have a pig living here” and so on. Tell your child that in any situation, no matter how difficult it may be, he will be able to find the right solution. In this way, you set a goal for the future: that the child can rely, first of all, on himself and his feelings. He can do as he sees fit. If you don’t talk about it, he will rely on other people when making decisions. For example, if a child finds himself in a situation where he needs to run away to survive, he will not be able to do anything; will not trust his feelings, but will listen to the opinions of others, because he has already formed an internal conviction - he needs to listen to adults, and not focus on himself. Children cannot be humiliated, beaten, insulted or given negative assessments. It is also a common case when parents try to assert themselves at the expense of their children, showing their superiority and building relationships along the lines of: I, an adult, am the boss, and you are a subordinate; I am smart, and you are a fool. This is all called psychological violence. Often physical violence is added to such violence. For children, adults are the authority. The more an adult supports and inspires, the greater his importance. When teachers or parents treat a child negatively, insult or deceive, at that moment their authority in the eyes of the child falls. And it will be difficult to get him back. If a child begins to be friends with a company that publicly humiliates him, his self-defense mode turns on. He devalues ​​this company and friendship in general. This is how the psyche preserves itself. When children go through stages of humiliation, they subsequently begin to take revenge. Sometimes right away, and sometimes after a while. This can be expressed in different ways: insulting elders, suicide attempts, poor academic performance, skipping school. The child may not come home on time or sign up for some clubs after school in order to come later. No healthy person likes to be humiliated, so the best way is to avoid or take out your resentment on others. This way you can start a process when a person who has experienced moral violence in childhood will interact in the adult world with people who will humiliate him again: at work, at university, in family. He will look for executioners for himself or decide to become an executioner himself. Such children develop phobias and fears: fear of novelty, fear of changing something in life, phobia of people. This can develop into panic attacks, and sometimes even into nervous tics and paralysis of parts of the body. We are telling this in order to avoid similar negative situations in the future. If a child is constantly belittled, he will be insecure, weak-willed, whiny, and have low self-esteem. A person with such a traumatic childhood experience will not be able to achieve everything in his life that he so wanted as a child, because he simply will not have the strength to do it..